Lonely Nevermore
by WritingHealstheHeart
Summary: Tragedy brings Emily and Spencer closer than they ever were before.
1. Chapter 1

-LENORA-

The rain poured down steadily on our heads. I was only eight as I stood by Mommy's grave staring at the giant wooden box being lowered into the hole in the ground. I looked up at Daddy, whose face was hard. He was holding back his emotions, as usual.

I slowly lifted my hand and grabbed his. When he looked down at me, I gave him a small smile. Though he returned that same smile, it didn't reach his eyes like it used to. He turned his attention back to the box that held Mommy.

None of this made sense. I thought back to five nights ago when I tried to understand what was happening. I had been sitting in my room playing with my toys quietly, when Daddy came into the room. His eyes were red and swollen, it caught me off guard as he never cried.

" _Lenny, come here please," he said as he sat on my bed._

 _I followed his request, climbed on to my bed and sat next to him. I didn't ask what was wrong, I just waited to find out what happened that caused him to cry._

" _Lenny, this is very difficult to tell you," he said softly. "There's been an accident and your mom … she was hurt."_

" _Is Mommy at the hospital?" I wondered._

 _I often visited Daddy in the hospital when he got injured at work._

" _No, baby. Mommy is not at the hospital," he said with a frown that made his bottom lip tremble._

" _Where is she?"_

" _Mommy is in Heaven," he said._

 _I knew what that meant. I knew once you moved to Heaven, you weren't allowed to see your friends and family anymore. I never even got to say goodbye. I didn't even realize I was crying, until I felt Daddy's arms around me._

" _Was I bad?" I sobbed._

" _Oh honey, no! Not at all!"_

" _Then why did she leave me?" I said angrily._

" _God needed more angels and you know how wonderful and loving your Mom is. He knew she would be the perfect angel to help others."_

" _She is MY Mommy! I need her! Tell God to give her back! He can't just take what isn't His!" I said as tears streamed down my cheeks._

" _I know," Daddy said. "I'm very angry at Him too."_

 _I suddenly felt so much anger I didn't know what to do with it all. How could Mommy just leave? How could Daddy not stop it from happening?_

" _You are supposed to save people! That is your job! You didn't save Mommy!" I shouted at him._

 _I felt bad for snapping, but I was just so confused and so sad. Probably the saddest I had ever been in my entire life._

" _I wish I could have. I wish I would have been there to save her," he said as he openly wept in front of me._

 _We spent the remainder of the night crying together. I kept begging God to give Mommy back to us. Offering to give up all of my toys and promising to be a good girl._

But now it was day 5, and Mommy still hadn't come home. She wasn't coming home ever again. It was just Daddy and me now.

(xxxxx)

It had been 6 months since that awful night. I had hoped that things would get better as everyone always told me, but they didn't. Daddy went back to work after a month home, I was back in school and now I had a nanny that stayed with me in the evenings. I hated her. She wasn't anything like Mommy. She was old, boring, and smelled funny.

One day after school I decided to take the bus to see Daddy. I was going to demand that he immediately fire Mrs. Sisick and quit his job to stay with me all day. I had my speech all planned out. I even practiced it for Henry and he thought it was perfect. When I walked into the building the security guard smiled brightly at me.

"Well, Ms. Lenora how are you today?" he said happily.

"Hi, Mr. Carson. I'm well thank you. How about yourself?" I asked politely.

Mr. Carson was a nice man. He was in his 70's, was very round and had short, curly, salt and pepper colored hair. His skin was a very dark black that made his teeth seem extra shiny white.

"I'm wonderful darling. Have a nice visit," he said as I nodded and walked to the elevators.

I pressed the up button and waited until the doors opened to let me on. I climbed on board and pressed the number 5, which would take me to Daddy's floor. Once I reached the 5th floor, I walked off and straight through the double glass doors.

Everyone in the office was busy working. As I walked toward Daddy's desk, I was discouraged to see that the desk was empty.

"Lenora?"

I turned toward the voice and saw a tall dark-haired woman in a business suit looking at me from the second level balcony.

"Hi Emily. I came to see my dad. Do you know where he is?" I asked as I walked toward the stairs.

"He's in the conference room for a meeting. Did you come by yourself?" Emily said with concern.

"Yea, I took the city bus."

"Why don't you go wait in my office sweetheart? I'll go get your dad for you," Emily said with a smile.

"Ok, thank you."

I walked toward the office as Emily hurried off to the conference room. While I waited I sat in Emily's chair and made it spin in circles. I loved playing in her big important swirly chair.

It didn't take long though, before the door swung open and Daddy came hurrying in. His face full of worry and possibly a hint of anger.

"Hi Daddy!" I said with a big smile.

"Lenora Hope Reid! What are you doing here?" he said.

Awe man. He used my entire name. That is never a good sign.

"Daddy, we need to talk. Why don't you take a seat?" I said as I gestured at the chairs in front of Emily's desk.

Daddy folded his arms over his chest and glared at me. I frowned and slid out of Emily's seat. I walked over to him, knowing I was going to be punished for this unexpected visit.

"Daddy, I want you to come home with me. I don't want to be with Mrs. Sisick. She's horrible and I hate her," I said forgetting my entire speech.

"Lenny, hate is a strong word. We've talked about that. It's not a nice word to throw around so easily," he began.

"Fine, then I strongly dislike her and her existence," I corrected and then went back to begging. "Please don't make me go home to her! Please! I want you with me!"

"Honey, I have to work. I can't just stay home, as much as I would like to," he replied. "Mrs. Sisick takes very good care of you."

"She is super boring and she smells like old people," I pouted.

Daddy chuckled. He sat down in the nearest chair and patted his lap. I sighed and climbed on to it. I snuggled into him when I felt his arm wrap around me. I always felt happy in his arms.

"I know this is very difficult for you. I wish I knew how to make it easier, but for now, Mrs. Sisick is all I have and I trust her to keep you safe," he said.

"Daddy, if I stay around her too long I will die of boredom," I said.

"Lenny, I'm sorry, but you need to go home," he said stiffly.

Mess up number two, I used the word die. I shouldn't have done that. He really hates that word and it always makes him shut down.

"Daddy, please! Please don't make me! I just want to be with you! Please let me be with you! Don't leave me!" I said as I tried to get him to see how dire this situation really was.

I'm not sure what happened, but at some point during my crying fit, Emily had shown up and must have told Daddy to leave. He picked me up and carried me to the car where we drove home in silence. Mrs. Sisick was very angry at me as well, but I didn't really care. Her feelings didn't matter to me like Daddy's did.

Maybe she would be so angry she would quit. That would be great! After sending Mrs. Sisick home, I was sent to my room, where I would spend the remainder of my night. I was only allowed to come out to eat dinner and take a bath. I must've been more tired than I thought because I fell asleep right after my bath around 9 o'clock.

I woke up a few hours later. My unicorn alarm clock told me it was 1 am. I slipped out of bed to get a drink when I heard the sound of crying. I carefully tiptoed down the hallway and peeked around the corner to see Daddy in Emily's arms.

His head was buried against her and she held him like he would hold me when I cried. Had I done that to him? I didn't mean to make him cry. I just wanted him to be home with me. I get scared when he is gone. What if he doesn't come home like Mommy?

I ran back to my room and slipped under the covers. Squeezing Curious George tightly in my arms. It was Mommy's doll. She had him since she was a little girl and Daddy said I could have him now that she didn't need him anymore. It still smelled like her.

"Mommy, I don't know what to do. Daddy's crying and I made him hurt. I don't mean to. I just miss you and I want you to come home," I said to my ceiling.

I knew Mommy wasn't in the room, but sometimes I feel like I just need to talk out loud to her. Like she can hear me. It helps me and tonight it was enough to help me fall asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

-Spencer-

It had been a restless night. I was at a loss what to do for Lenny. I hadn't meant to break down in front of Emily, but everything I had been holding back for the past 6 months seemed to get the best of me. The fact that my daughter was in so much pain, she hopped on a city bus by herself to find me, was heart wrenching. I had to force myself not to think about all the what ifs of her solo travel and focus on the fact that she was safe in her room.

By the time, I had gotten to work the next morning, I was exhausted. My eyes were blood shot and my normal dark circles were practically black and blue. You could argue that I had been punched in both eyes.

I hadn't even placed my bag down at my desk when I heard Emily calling my name. I looked up to see her waving me to her office. I wasn't surprised she wanted to see how I was doing, especially since she offered to give me the day off last night. She knew I wouldn't, but she tried anyway.

Emily and I were always very close, but after Claire passed away, we'd become even closer. Everyone always offered to help me or visit with me, Emily just does it. She shows up with dinners or comes over to watch movies. Somehow, she just always knows when she is needed.

"How's Lenny this morning?" she said as soon as I stepped in to the office.

"Not happy with me," I said as I sat across from her. "She didn't even say goodbye when she left for the school bus."

Emily sighed. She understood. I could see it in the way she looked at me. I could also see she was readying herself to tell me something. I waited patiently for her to say what was on her mind.

"I did a lot of thinking last night," she said as her fingers tangled together. "I think it would be for the best if you stay behind on cases and work at the office during the day, at home during the night."

"What? Emily, no," I said stunned.

"Listen, your intellect is invaluable and can benefit us whether you are in the room or thousands of miles away," she said. "Right now, your daughter needs you."

I leaned on my legs, gazing at my converse sneakers that were starting to tear from over use. I knew she was right, but I couldn't bear to lose another thing in my life.

"This is the best of both worlds. You can still do your job and be there for Lenny," she said as she got up from her chair to move closer to me. So much was running through my mind and yet, I couldn't find a single thing to say.

She kneeled down in front of me and grabbed my hand. I didn't look at her, but I didn't pull my hand away either. I was angry, but not at her and she didn't deserve to be treated as though this was her fault.

"Ok," I said resigned. "When do I start?"

"Today," she stated with a frown.

I got up from the chair, completely numb. My heart shattered as once again, things were changing. I felt Emily's hand on my arm and turned to look at her. I could see the pain in her eyes.

"This wasn't something I wanted," she said softly with cloudy eyes. "I agonized over this, but it's what's best for Lenny. I hope in time you will see that and forgive me."

I nodded. I should have told her that I didn't need to forgive her because she did nothing wrong. But I was stubborn and part of me wanted her to think I was mad. I wanted her to suffer as much as I was. I stormed down the stairs and dropped into my seat, ignoring the eyes I could feel all over me.

I wasn't going to acknowledge this new job arrangement. I was just going to go about my business as if nothing had changed. I wouldn't discuss it with anyone if they asked and I certainly wasn't going to accept any pity that I'm sure J.J. and Garcia were going to offer.

Everyone must have read my thoughts loud and clear, because they all kept their distance. As soon as 5pm rolled around and no cases had been assigned, I grabbed my bag and left the office without so much as a wave to my team.

(xxxxx)

Over time we fell into a routine. It had been 6 months since I started working out of the field and I had to admit it was a good idea. Lenny was happier having me around during the evenings and weekends, even if I wasn't always able to play with her.

I taught her how to cook, so on nights when I was busy working on a case, she was able to put together a decent meal for us. This made her feel important and I caught her a few times watching the food network to better her cooking skills.

She was like her mom in that sense. When she found a hobby she enjoyed, she would immerse herself in that world to master it. She always wanted to be the best at what she did. Sometimes to her own frustration when things didn't turn out how she planned.

Emily still visited often. In fact, I think she stopped by more now, than when I worked with her. Whenever she wasn't away on a case, I could guarantee her presence. Sometimes she stayed for hours, other times it was just a quick hello. Either way, it was something Lenny and I had come to expect and look forward to.

Of course, everyone else visited as well, but it just wasn't the same as it was with Emily. With her everything was effortless. I didn't feel the need to entertain. She knew her way around and helped herself to whatever she needed.

I was caught off guard one night at dinner, when Lenny asked a question regarding Emily's visits.

"Dad, can I ask you something?" she said nervously.

"Always."

"Do you like Emily?"

"Of course, I do. Emily has been a great friend of mine for many years." I said confused.

"No, I know that. I mean, do you like like her," she said chewing the inside of her cheek.

She got that from her mom too. Whenever Claire was nervous she always bit the inside of her cheeks. It seems our daughter picked up this habit as well.

"Where is this coming from?" I said surprised by her question.

"Well, she comes over a lot and sometimes the way you look at each other … well it seems like you might like each other as more than friends," she explained.

"No, Emily is just my friend."

"Oh," she said sadly. "Don't you think she's pretty?"

"What?"

"Don't you think Emily's pretty?" she repeated.

"Yes, she's beautiful, but –"

"I think she likes you," she interrupted.

"Lenny, listen to me. Emily is wonderful and any man would be very lucky to have her, but that someone isn't going to be me."

"Why not? If you think any man would be lucky to have her, then why can't that man be you?"

I sighed. I've never been one to share my insecurities, especially with my daughter. I wanted to try and show her a world full of optimism and positivity. She didn't need to be jaded by my life experiences.

"There are just some things that are too difficult to explain. Some day when you are older, you will understand."

I knew that wouldn't pacify her. I'm not sure why I even said it.

"I am quite capable of understanding right now. You are just deflecting the truth because you know you don't have a good answer," she said with her arms folded across her chest.

If Claire was alive she would be laughing right now. She would say, 'now you see what I have to put up with daily'. Apparently, she inherited my brains and profiling skills.

"Fair enough," I conceded. "The truth is I don't want to discuss my love life with my 8-year-old daughter. It is something that is private and frankly, isn't any of your business."

"What do you mean it isn't my business? Don't I have a vote in who my new mom ends up being?" she said with frustration.

"A new mom?" I was taken completely by surprise.

"Forget it! It's none of my business anyway!" she snapped as she stood up from her chair and stormed out of the room.

"Lenny," I called after her.

Her bedroom door slammed shut before I even got out of the kitchen. I decided to let her be. There wasn't anything I could say to take away the pain she was feeling. It hurt me to know how much she wanted a mom.

Emily would be an amazing mom. There wasn't a doubt in mind about that. She would be everything Lenny and I needed and more. The problem wasn't Emily. The problem was me.

There are levels in society, whether we want to admit it or not. Each level is gained by achieving a certain acceptable goal that society has deemed worthy. For example, if you are what people view as good looking, you move to the next level.

The BAU has its own measurement of what propels you to the higher levels of worthiness. These consist of some of the following; physical strength, toned body, good looks, social skills, personality. Just these five alone describe the BAU team to a T, with the exception of Garcia and myself.

Garcia gets away with the lack of physical strength and toned body because she exudes confidence and her personality is radiant. If I could borrow even an ounce of personality from her, my awkward weirdness would probably be overlooked.

That being said, it's who I am. I will always be a gawky, awkward encyclopedia. Someone on Emily's level will never be satisfied with someone like me. She needs a Derek Morgan or a Luke Alvez. It's something I accepted long ago when she walked into the BAU for the first time and I saw her beautiful smile that lit up her face. Emily Prentiss was out of my league and nothing would change that. Some day Lenora would understand that. But for today, he would let it be.


	3. Chapter 3

-LENORA-

I woke up the next morning still terribly upset with Dad. How was I ever going to get a mother again if he wouldn't even try? As I made my way to the kitchen, I could smell bacon and French toast. He was trying to get on my good side by making my favorite breakfast.

"Good morning, did you sleep well?" he asked as I sat down at the table.

"Fine," I said with an attitude.

I wanted to make sure he knew I was still angry at him. I wasn't going to give in just because he made me breakfast.

"I was thinking, it's been a while since you and I went to the zoo. How about we take a trip there today?" he said as he handed me a plate.

Man, the zoo! Now he was throwing out one of my favorite places. He played this game dirty, but I was as stubborn as he was. I could play hardball too.

"Can Emily come?"

The smile dropped from his face and his shoulders sagged. A part of me felt guilty about this, but I couldn't let emotions get in the way of … well my emotions.

"I thought it might be nice just the two of us," he said sadly.

"We always do everything just the two of us."

He sighed and dropped down heavily into his chair at the table. He looked exhausted as he ran his fingers through his messy hair.

"Lenny, this can't continue," he said frustrated.

"What can't continue?"

I wasn't positive what he was talking about, did he mean Emily or the fighting or something else altogether?

"Your insistence that I date Emily," he said.

"It's not fair!" I suddenly exploded as tears poured from my eyes. "I didn't get any say when God took Mommy from me and now I don't get any say in who my next mommy will be! I hate it! I hate God! I hate Mommy for leaving! And I hate you for letting her die!"

I went to jump from my chair when I felt Daddy's arms wrap tightly around me. I struggled to get out of his grasp, but he held me until I gave in and collapsed. I felt like such a baby, but I couldn't stop crying. I missed Mommy. I wanted her to come home.

It was several minutes later before I calmed enough to realize that Daddy was crying too. I looked up at his sad eyes and I felt terrible for what I had said.

"I don't hate you Daddy," I whispered as I snuggled into his chest.

"I know," he whispered back.

"Then why are you crying?" I sniffled.

"Because I miss Mommy too and I hurt knowing how much you are hurting. I wish I could take away the pain you feel. It breaks my heart that I can't make this better for you," he said in a broken voice.

"I'm sorry," was all I could say.

He kissed the top of my head as we continued to snuggle.

"Can we still go to the zoo? Just you and me?" I said softly.

He gave me a small smile and nodded his head. I stayed in his arms a little while longer before going back to my seat to eat breakfast. I decided then to stop bugging Dad about Emily.

(xxxxx)

-Spencer-

It had been an exhausting day. After Lenora's break down this morning, I was emotionally spent. I took her to the zoo and we went to our favorite restaurant for dinner. Thankfully, by the time we came home, she was so tired she went straight to bed.

I wish it were that easy for me to fall asleep. My mind still replayed this mornings events over and over again. She was in so much pain and there wasn't a thing I could do about it. I was just about to sit down on the couch to relax when there was a knock at the door.

I didn't even need to look to see who was behind the door. Swinging it open, I stepped aside and allowed Emily in. She must've just come from work as she still wore black pants with a maroon button-down blouse.

"Spence, you look awful," she said as she placed a hand on my cheek.

Her honesty never offended me. I just nodded and leaned into her touch slightly.

"What happened?" she asked as she dropped her hand and walked toward the couch.

"Lenora, had a rough day," I said as I sat down next to her.

Emily waited in silence for me to continue. She didn't need to prompt me with a question. She knew I would eventually get around to it.

"She's in so much pain, Em and there's nothing I can do about it. She doesn't know how to deal with this loss and how can I help her when I don't understand it myself?"

She reached out and grabbed my hand. Her eyes filled with empathy as she listened to my problems.

"She blames me. She said it again this morning. I try not to take it to heart, but it does hurt. It hurts because I blame myself too."

"Spencer, it is not your fault," she insisted.

"I have an eidetic memory, Emily. An eidetic memory, and I forgot to pick up milk on the way home like I had promised. If she hadn't gone to the store …" I couldn't finish the sentence.

I couldn't face the fact that my flawless brain had let me down when it was most important. Claire would have been home safe and sound if I had only remembered. It was something that haunted me every second of every day.

"You can't do this to yourself. This is not your fault. The moron who got behind the wheel of his car intoxicated is to blame," she said forcefully.

"But –"

"No, no but's Spencer. Answer this, if you knew she was going to be in that accident, would you have let her go to the store?"

"No!" I said indignantly.

"You would have done everything you could have to protect her. You did not cause this accident. For whatever reason it happened, it would've happened whether you remembered or not. Life can be a fucked-up piece of shit sometimes and there's nothing we can do about it."

I sighed as I let her words sink in. I knew she was right, but it was hard not to blame myself.

"As for Lenny, she knows this isn't your fault. She is scared and confused and the only way to deal with it is to lash out at the person she loves. You are a great father and you will get through this. Both of you," she said as she squeezed my hand tighter. "And I'll be by your side, helping in any way I can."

I gave her a grateful smile that she returned and that's when it hit me. Lenora was right. I did have feelings for Emily and they were beyond friendship. I realized I needed her more than I ever had before. I needed her comforting touch and her unwavering support.

I had always had a crush on her. I mean, how could you not? She was gorgeous, smart, funny, fierce, and yet still had a gentle loving soul. When we first started working together I felt the immediate connection between us, but quickly fell into the inevitable role of best friend.

Which was ok, as it left me available to meet Claire. But now those feelings were back, but in a much deeper way. Emily made me feel again. She gave me hope and strength. If I look back on the past 6 months, I don't know where I would be without her help. She has been here through my ups and downs, my anger and sadness. She has held me at my worst moments and laughed with me during my best.

And most of all, she had been there for Lenora. She helped her get ready for her first day back at school. She took her shopping for new clothes and school supplies. She took her out for girl's night once a month and they always came back with secrets that Lenny says, 'sorry Dad, boys wouldn't understand'.

I was brought back from my thoughts when Emily turned on the TV to Doctor Who and snuggled into my side, still holding my hand. She laid her head on my shoulder, the smell of her hair filling my senses. We had sat like this many nights over the past few months, but now holding her like this I wondered if maybe I was wrong. Maybe Emily felt the same way I did.

I didn't want to risk reading the situation wrong and lose this friendship I craved so much. For now, I would just enjoy this for what it was and not read into it. If something was supposed to come of it, it would happen naturally.

 _(xxxxx)_

 _A/N: Thank you for the comments and for the suggestions for a title. I'm almost there on one I think works well. xoxo_


	4. Chapter 4

-LENORA-

It wasn't unusual for Emily to spend the night. Sometimes she and Daddy stayed up really late talking and would fall asleep on the couch. Last night must have been one of those nights, because I found Daddy sound asleep on the couch and Emily in the kitchen making breakfast.

"Good morning," I said to her as I climbed onto the bar stool to lean on the counter.

"Good morning, sleepy head," she said with a smile. "Did you have storybook worthy dreams?"

Emily loved to ask me that. Ever since I was little I always had very vivid dreams that I remembered clearly. Most people tend to have many dreams and forget most of them, but not me. Emily always told me I should write my dreams down and make them into stories.

"Nothing I feel like sharing," I said.

Usually my dreams were fun to share, but lately they involved Mommy. I didn't like sharing those dreams. They were the ones I wanted to forget.

"Someone has a birthday coming up. Any ideas what you want to do?" Emily said changing the topic.

She was good like that. She knew I didn't like talking about Mommy and she never tried to get me to.

"I don't know. I was thinking of just skipping it this year," I sighed.

"What? You can't skip your birthday! How else am I going to get to eat pizza, cake, and ice cream in one day?" she said in pretend shock.

I shrugged. It just didn't seem right to celebrate without Mommy. Emily read my mind, as usual.

"Hey kiddo, you know it's ok to be happy? I know you feel guilty about that, but your Mom, she wouldn't want you to be sad," she said as she leaned across the counter in front of me.

"But if I'm happy … she'll think that I'm ok that she is gone," I said as I felt tears fill my eyes.

"Your Mom knows how much you love and miss her. She would never think that you are glad she is gone," she tried to assure me.

I looked down at the granite counter top and rubbed my finger over a tiny crack in it. It didn't make sense how Mommy wouldn't be sad to see me happy without her.

"Let me ask you something. Do you love your Dad?"

I looked up at her in surprise before nodding my head.

"Do you like seeing him sad or hurt?"

I shook my head no.

"Why?"

"Well," I said thinking for a moment. "Because it makes me sad when he is sad."

"You want him to be happy right? No matter what?" she said.

"Yea," I said understanding what she was saying. "So, just like I love Daddy and want him to be happy, Mommy loves me and wants me to be happy."

"Exactly. She knows you still love her and she knows that will never change. Seeing you sad would make her feel sad and knowing you were sad because of her would make her feel even worse. Your Mom smiles so big in Heaven watching you live a happy life."

A couldn't hold back the smile on my face as I sat up on my knees and wrapped my arms around Emily's neck. She hugged me back and pressed her lips to my cheek.

"Now, about that birthday party," she prompted when we pulled apart, making me giggle.

(xxxxx)

-SPENCER-

I woke up to the sound of talking in the kitchen. I stood up and stretched my aching back. I was getting too old to sleep on the couch. I padded toward the noise when I heard the serious conversation between Emily and Lenora. I shouldn't eavesdrop, but sometimes Lenny opened up more to others than she did me.

I listened with an aching heart as Lenora told Emily she didn't want to celebrate her birthday because she felt guilty for being happy. No wonder it had been so hard to get her to smile and enjoy the things she normally did.

I listened as Emily reminded her of how much it would pain Claire to know that she was in pain. How it would make Claire happy to know Lenora was happy. Tears streamed from my eyes as I listened to Lenora realize that it was ok to be happy. That it was ok to move on and still love her Mom.

I had to walk away to compose myself. I couldn't very well walk into the kitchen a blubbering mess. Then the girls would know I was listening and Lenora would be angry at me. Rightfully so, as I wouldn't like her to listen to my conversations either.

After washing my face, brushing my teeth, using the bathroom, and changing into different clothes, I went back to the kitchen. There I found the girls listening to music, dancing, and cooking breakfast together. Emily was using a spatula as a microphone and singing terribly off-key, while Lenora bopped her head and bounced on her toes.

"Wow, breakfast and a show," I said.

Lenora giggled as she danced over to me. Emily smiled at me, but didn't move from the pan in front of her.

"Dance with me, Daddy!"

I grabbed Lenny's hands and we began to twist and do silly dance moves together. While Emily was an awful singer, I was an awful dancer. We balanced each other out in that respect. We kept dancing until the song ended and I leaned against the counter winded.

"I just woke up and you've worn me out," I said dramatically.

"Good thing I have sustenance," Emily said as she held up a plate with a delicious looking Omelet on it.

"I helped, Daddy!"

"Wow, this looks amazing! I can definitely tell you helped make it because it smells twice as good as it usually does," I said as I took two of the filled plates to the table.

Once we had everything finished and on the table we sat down to eat together.

"Daddy, Emily said I can have a big birthday party this year with a petting zoo! She said Uncle Dave would probably let us have it at his house and that I could invite all my friends from school! Could I? Could I have a big party?" Lenora asked excitedly.

"Absolutely," I said giving Emily a grateful smile.

"Can I call Henry after breakfast and tell him?"

"I don't see why not," I replied, to which she began to shovel mouthfuls of Omelet into her mouth. "Hey, take it easy before you get a belly ache or choke."

Suddenly Emily's phone went off. She took it out of her pocket and excused herself. Without realizing, I watched her leave the room. When I looked back at Lenora, she had done the same thing. We both unconsciously sank knowing Emily would have to leave to go to work.

"Dad, since you probably have to work now, can Henry come over and keep me company?" Lenny said as she turned her attention back to me.

"Um, sure. If it's ok with Uncle Will and Aunt J.J."

With that Emily came into the room with a frown.

"I have to go. We have a case in Denver. I'll have Garcia send you the information. We'll be in touch," she said as I nodded. "When I get home, we can start planning that party, ok?"

"Ok, be safe Emily," she said with a bit of sadness.

Getting up from her chair she wrapped her arms around Emily's middle.

"Always, kiddo," she replied.

"I'll walk you to the door," I said as I got up and followed her.

"Thank you for everything. It really means a lot to me that you are here for her," I said as I reached for the door knob.

"I'm glad to help. She is a wonderful girl and I love her very much," she said with a smile.

We stared at one another in silence for a moment. It felt like something more needed to be said but neither of us could say it.

"Be safe," I said, repeating Lenora's sentiments.

"I will. I promise," she said in a soft voice.

With that she turned and left.


	5. Chapter 5

-SPENCER-

I paced anxiously at the entrance to the ER. Upon returning from Denver, Garcia had received a tip on the whereabouts of Mr. Scratch. Despite being tired, they were ready to take this son of a bitch down once and for all. Hopping into the SUV's they drove toward his assumed location.

My heart was pounding in my chest wondering what nightmare awaited me. We didn't know if anyone was injured or what had happened. All we knew was one minute Garcia was on the phone with the team and the next she heard a loud ruckus ending in a bang with static.

The door to the ER swung open as the team was wheeled in one at a time. Will rushed immediately to J.J.'s side, blood seeping through a bandaged wound on her temple. Next, came Rossi who seemed to be unconscious, followed by Matt who was clutching his arm.

Running in behind them was Luke, who seemed uninjured, thankfully. He ran straight toward me.

"Where's Emily?" I asked as the doors to the ER closed.

"He took her," he said clearly shaken up. "I tried to help her, but I couldn't get out," he said distressed. "I tried."

(xxxxx)

-EMILY-

I had a rush of adrenaline as we sped off toward Scratch's hide away. I had been dying to get this ass hole after all the havoc he had been unleashing on my team. I was going to get him for Hotch and Jack. My hands clutched the wheel tightly as the outside world rushed passed us quickly.

Next to me, Luke cracked his knuckles. I knew he was just as eager as I was. Behind us, Matt drove with Rossi and J.J. We were going to get him tonight. Once and for all.

The phone interrupted my thoughts as I connected with Garcia.

"What did you find out Garcia?" I asked.

"The cabin is owned by the, rub our noses in it, alias of Aaron Brooks. It was purchased about 5 months before Hotch went into hiding."

"I can't wait to skin this man alive," Luke growled.

"Has there been any activity under that alias?" I wondered.

Suddenly, there was a loud explosion as I lost control of the car. I tried to slam on the breaks, but by this time we had flipped and continued rolling. It felt like minutes before we slid to a stop. My ears and head were pounding. My vision was blurred as I tried to figure out what was happening.

I looked over in time to see the other car heading straight toward us. It smashed into us, making the car spin wildly. I blacked out. When I came to I could hear Luke shouting something. I felt arms around me, dragging me out of the car.

Pain and nausea swept through me as I tried to focus on my surroundings.

"It's going to be ok. I'm here."

I looked at the person who had dragged me out of the car and felt relieved.

"Spencer," I groaned. "How?"

"Just relax. Everything will be ok. I'll take care of you," he said as he lifted me from the ground.

I curled into his chest and closed my eyes, instantly losing consciousness.

(xxxxx)

-SPENCER-

I was, once again, pacing. This time in Emily's office back at the BAU. I was trying to focus on the task at hand, but it felt like my head was going to explode. I couldn't process anything I was reading. First Claire and now Emily? This couldn't happen again. There was no way I could let Scratch kill Emily.

I already lost Claire to a lapse in my memory, I couldn't afford for that to happen again. I took a deep breath as I tried to read over the letters I knew contained the key to finding her. I pressed my finger to the bridge of my nose as I tried to clear the dizziness running through me.

"Get your shit together!" I shouted at myself as I picked up the nearest book and launched it at the glass windows.

I dropped down onto the couch and tried to calm myself down. A few moments later, I heard a gentle knock on the door. I didn't even look up to know it was Garcia.

"Reid?" she said timidly.

"What," I growled.

I heard her move carefully into the room and she hesitated before sitting next to me.

"We will find her," she said softly.

"And what if we don't? What if she dies because I can't concentrate for one damn second. One second that could be the difference between life and death!" I said, trying not to cry.

"You are brilliant Reid. You will figure it out. We will find Emily and bring her home," she said as her lip trembled.

Without responding, I stood up and went back to the letters. I wasn't going to let Emily down.

(xxxxx)

-EMILY-

My eyes fluttered open and I found myself strapped to a hospital bed, but I wasn't in a hospital room. It looked more like some weird basement. I tried to move, but I found that I couldn't.

"Hello? Someone, help!" I called out.

Where did Spencer go? I thought he was there with me. I could hear the sound of feet thumping down a pair of wooden stairs. They made their way toward me from the shadows.

"Spence?" I said softly.

There was no answer. The person just kept walking toward me. When they crossed through the shadows into the light, my heart raced and my hands clenched tightly.

"You," I snarled.

"Agent Prentiss, we meet again," Scratch said as he came closer to me.

"What did you do?"

"It wasn't hard to set you guys up. I knew you wouldn't be able to resist the thought of capturing me. It's just a shame that your team had to die for your carelessness," he said with a disgusting smile.

"Liar," I growled.

"Perhaps, but the puddle of blood Agent Jareau's head was laying in didn't look very promising and Agent Rossi, well he wasn't even conscious. Agent Simmons was pinned between the two vehicles," he said excitedly.

"I heard Luke," I whispered with a thick throat.

"Yeah, well, he was alive until I arrived," he chuckled. "But don't worry, I won't be killing you yet. I left some more clues to my location for Agent Reid. Once he figures it out, he'll come ready to fight and I'll be waiting for him."

"Reid is smarter than you. He will beat you and I'll stand by as I watch him take your life slowly," I said angrily.

"Hmm, that's not very professional," he said with a smirk. "Not that I expect anything more from you or your team. You love to cross the line of professionalism. One needn't look further than the no fraternization rule."

I furrowed my brow in confusion.

"Are we really going to play this game?" he said before rolling his eyes. "Agent Prentiss, do you really think anyone is fooled by your act?"

I didn't say anything, as I truly had no idea what he was talking about.

"For a team that considers itself a family, you sure like to keep secrets from each other," he said with a laugh.

"Why don't you quit beating around the bush and just say whatever it is you have to say," I said irritated with his mind games.

He laughed again as he started sifting through a tray of tools. I watched him wearily as he picked up various metal items and then placed them back down.

"A room full of profilers and no one has made the connection between Agent Alvez and that tech weirdo, Garcia," he said.

"Garcia's a flirt. She did it with Morgan and now Luke has taken his place," I said still staring at the tools he was studying.

He laughed before digging his phone from his pocket. He started tapping at the screen with an amused expression. Before turning the phone for me to see.

"Derek Morgan never got that up close and personal with Ms. Garcia," he said.

I looked at the photo of a shirtless Luke wrapped between Garcia's legs. Her fingers grasping his head as they kissed. His fingers unbuttoning her shirt. They were in Garcia's kitchen. He turned the phone back around and began flipping through the photos.

"So, how much longer until the rest of them figure out what you've been up to?" he asked as he showed me his phone again.

Now, I looked at a photo of me and Spencer snuggled in each other's arms on his couch. I was boiling mad that he was spying on all of us, though I shouldn't be surprised by this.

"Nothing is going on between us," I said through clenched teeth.

He began to show me picture after picture of Spencer and I in various activities. I had to admit we did look questionable in many of them. The way we looked at each other, the way we were touching each other. It certainly could leave someone with the impression we were a couple.

But it wasn't so. We were just friends. Best friends. Right? I was just a good friend who was helping a friend through a tough time. He needed me. Lenora needed me. Oh, Lenora! Sweet Lenora! What would happen to her if Spencer died? If I died? Lenora would be alone.

Tears started streaming down my face. No, Lenora needed me. I needed to get out of here. I had to protect Lenora and Spencer! I couldn't let anything happen to them! I loved them … oh my God … I loved him. I loved Spencer Reid.

"And there it is. The realization that Dr. Reid is more than just a friend," Scratch said as he watched me closely.

"Please, just kill me. Leave him be," I said barely above a whisper.

A sickening smile crossed his face as he tilted his head and stared at me.

"This just might be more fun than torturing Agent Hotchner," he said.

He stepped away from the tools and walked off toward the stairs. I tried to fight against the restraints, but they were too secure.

 _Spencer don't come for me! Please don't come looking for me!_

(xxxxx)

A/N: _so there have been a few questions from you guys regarding the time line of the story, is Hotch around, is Spencer's mom alive, etc. I'm going to try and answer everything in the next few chapters._

 _In case I didn't do a good enough job in this chapter, I imagine this time line being season 13. However, there was no jail time for Reid and Walker was never a character. I added Matt Simmons in his place, because I just like that character and his cute little smile._

 _Hotch and Jack are still gone and I don't think I'll bring them back. I can't have too many characters otherwise the story gets messy. Derek will make some appearance, but won't be a main character. Hopefully this will help! Thanks for the great comments and for reading! It truly makes me smile to see your comments and support! xoxo_


	6. Chapter 6

-SPENCER-

Against Garcia's protesting, once I figured out where Scratch was hiding with Emily, I took off on my own to find him. I knew in the back of my mind this was stupid, but it wasn't like Garcia wasn't going to tell Luke where I went. If anything, he'd only be a bit behind me.

It had started to rain and the sun had set for the day. Lightning lit up the sky and thunder shook the ground below my speeding tires. It didn't take long before I reached the abandoned warehouse. I jumped out of the car and ran through the pouring rain.

My dress shirt clinging to my body, my medium length hair now plastered down around my face. My shoes squishing as I ran up the entrance stairs. I held my gun out in front of me as I slowly pulled back the door and slipped inside.

It was eerily quiet as I waited for my eyes to adjust. The moonlight was the only offered light throughout the building, but this was to my advantage. I slowly walked with my back against the wall, surveying each giant empty room I went through.

At the end of the hallway, I found another set of steps. I could either go up another floor or down to a basement floor. I leaned over the railing and glanced up and down. Nothing offered any clue to which was the best choice. I opted for going downstairs as that seemed the obvious.

Still staying close to the wall, I made my way down the cement stairwell. When I reached the bottom, I noticed a small light in the next connected room. I gripped my gun tighter and surveyed the first room before making my way to the second.

When I stepped into the room, my heart skipped a beat with a relief. Tied to a metal table was Emily. I ran to her side after clearing the room. Her eyes were closed, but she was breathing. I placed my hand on her bruised cheek.

"Emily," I said gently as I stroked her head.

Her eyes fluttered open and for a moment I saw relief, but it quickly changed to panic.

"No, you can't be here! You have to go!" she said in terror.

"I'm going to get you out of here first," I said as I tugged on the chain wrapped around her wrist.

"No, Spencer! Leave now! He's going to get you!" she said as tears poured from her eyes.

Before I had a chance to respond, a mist was sprayed over me. I tried swinging my arms to hit whoever was spraying me, but I was too disoriented to see clearly. I fell over, a tray of items clattering to the floor with me. I could hear Emily screaming for me to run.

"Welcome Dr. Reid."

I heard his weaselly voice behind me. I tried to regain my senses, but the fog that clouded my brain was proving difficult to overcome. I tried to listen for him, but it sounded as if he were all around me. Taking a chance, I swung my foot out, catching him by surprise.

Scratch fell to the ground letting out a loud 'oomph'. Spinning in his direction I dove on top of him. I still couldn't see him clearly, but I did my best to hit him and grab at him. Another stream of mist hit me and this time it was so overpowering I felt myself slip from consciousness.

(xxxxx)

I don't know how long I was out for, but when I came to I felt like I was in a dream. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. I looked to where Emily had been laying previously and she was no longer there. Scratch was sitting on the table with a smirk on his stupid face.

"Where is she?" I growled.

"She's gone," he said. "She wasn't needed anymore."

"You son of a bitch!" I said as I slowly got to my feet.

"I deserve to die. Here," he said.

I looked down and saw a hand holding a knife.

"Take it and stab me. Kill me for what I did. I killed the woman you love," he said.

Tears streamed down my face. He killed her. He killed Emily. I took the knife and made my way toward him. He had laid down on the table and was smiling at me.

"Do it Dr. Reid. You know you want to. Stab me," he encouraged.

I looked at the knife in my hand and lifted it slowly over my head, when I heard something that confused me.

"NO! Spencer, please, look at me! It's me! I'm right here! Please don't!"

I shook my head as I tried to clear my mind. Looking down at the table, I saw a flash of light. Like a bolt of lightning. When I saw the light, Emily was still laying on the table looking at me with fear in her eyes. I blinked and Scratch was there.

I placed my free hand on the bridge of my nose and listened to the battle between Scratch telling me to stab him and Emily pleading for me not to do it. Was this a Psychotic break? Is this what Schizophrenia was like?

"Stab me!"

"Spencer, please, don't! Please!"

Whatever was wrong with my brain right now, there was no stopping this hand from stabbing someone. I knew it. I could feel it. My hand shook until finally I decided to end this debate as I lifted the knife back up and plunged it into my abdomen.

I heard a piercing scream before I fell onto my knees, gasping for air. I curled on my side hearing the faint sound of chaos around me. I felt hands on me, but I had no idea who they belonged to. I couldn't see and all the sounds around me were unintelligible. I knew I was going to lose consciousness again. If I died, at least I knew that I hadn't hurt Emily.

(xxxxx)

A/N: _to keep from confusing readers, I'm going to keep each chapter dedicated to one person's point of view. That means some chapters may be much shorter than others, but at least this way I'm not bouncing back and forth like last chapter. Sorry for that!_

 _Thanks for reading as always! Hope you like this chapter! xoxo_


	7. Chapter 7

-EMILY-

Spencer stood over me with a glazed look in his eyes. His hand shaking as it clenched the knife tightly in a fist. Scratch's poison was taking control of his brain. He didn't know it was me.

"NO! Spencer, please, look at me!" I begged him. "It's me! I'm right here! Please don't!"

I saw the recognition cross his eyes. For a moment, he saw through the haze and saw me. Never mind the fact that I could die, it would kill Spencer if he hurt me. He would never forgive himself.

"Spencer, please! Don't do this! It's a trick!"

"Stab me! You know you want to! I killed Emily!" Scratch said over me.

"I'm not dead! I'm right here! Spencer, I'm right here!"

I could see his hand trembling and the battle over which scenario was reality. He lifted the knife up in stabbing position and I tensed as I waited for him to plunge the knife into my skin. Instead he swung it down into his own stomach.

"NO!" I screamed as I thrashed on the table. "Spencer! Spencer!"

Suddenly, I heard the one sound I had been praying to hear.

"FBI, freeze!"

I heard scuffling and the sound of a gunshot. It was at this point I realized I was still screaming for Spencer. I saw Luke appear over me.

"It's ok. You're safe," he said as he worked on unlocking the chains on my wrists.

In retrospect, it was probably not the smartest decision I ever made, but who could think of consequences when you are in the middle of a traumatic situation. Once I was free, I pushed Luke out of the way and dropped to the floor where Spencer lay.

He was on his back with his eyes closed. A police officer I didn't know was putting pressure on his wound while they waited for EMT to reach the basement. I placed my hands on his cheeks and turned his head toward me.

"Spencer, look at me! Open your eyes and look at me!" I said as tears streamed down my face. "Damn it, Spencer! Why did you do this?"

I leaned over and pressed my forehead against his as I sobbed.

"Don't you dare leave us," I whimpered. "Lenny needs you. I need you. Please … I love you."

With that his eyes cracked open slightly and a small pained smile crossed his lips.

"I love you too," he mumbled.

I laughed as I pressed my lips to his. He wasn't strong enough to even react, but I didn't care. He gave another pained smile. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly in mine, ignoring the medic telling me I needed to back away. I felt hands gently prying me from him. I relented and stood up with whoever was pulling me away.

"Come on, let's get you checked out as well."

It was Luke. I allowed him to guide me away, though it took a lot for me not to run back to Spencer. We shuffled outside, where an EMT immediately took notice of me and rushed to assist. I knew I would be making a trip to the hospital.

(xxxxx)

I declined medical advice to spend the night in the hospital. All I wanted to do was check on Spencer. I was slipping my boots on, when I heard a gentle knock at the door.

"Come in," I said as I tied my laces.

"Heard you declined to stay," Luke said as he walked into the room.

"I'm fine. There's no reason for me to stay. I want to check on my team," I said as I moved to the next foot.

"Mm hmm," he said with a grin on his face.

"Go ahead, Alvez. Just say it, said rolling my eyes.

"Say what?" he chuckled.

I sat up and glared at him with a raised eyebrow. He laughed with a shrug.

"I mean, what is there to say? It's not like I saw you kiss Reid and tell him you love him," he said.

"Heat of the moment," I replied.

"Oh, I'm sure there was plenty of heat. So, how long has this been going on?" he said.

"Nothing is going on. What happened tonight was fear of losing a best friend," I said as I got out of bed and walked out of the room.

"Really?" he said. "You always kiss your friends like that?"

I was getting really irritated with the third degree. Being a private person for the most part, I was mortified by my public display of affection. Not to mention the fear I had that I loved Reid in a different way than he loved me.

"Let it go, ok?" I snapped.

Luke put his hands up in surrender.

"Your secret is safe with me," he said.

For some reason, that did me in. I stopped and folded my arms across my chest. He stopped and looked at me with a playful smile.

"That is mighty rich coming from you. How about you tell me how long you've been sleeping with Garcia?"

His smile disappeared. Satisfaction filling my body.

"As for Spencer and me, there is nothing going on. Plan and simple. I don't want to hear another word about it. Not a single joke, side remark, or smirk. Is that clear?"

"Crystal," he said.

I had upset him. I didn't feel good about this conversation anymore. I actually felt like an ass hole, but right now, I was too overwhelmed with everything that happened. Without another word, I walked off in search of Rossi's room.

(xxxxx)

After checking in on everyone, I made my way to Spencer's room where he was in recovery. According to Matt, who spoke with his doctor, he managed to avoid any major organs and only caused minor damage. They were able to stop any internal bleeding and stitch his wound closed.

I walked into his room, to find him staring drowsily at the TV someone had put on for him. Matt left after I arrived to go home to his wife and kids, leaving the two of us alone. I was terrified to see him after what I had confessed.

When he saw me, a smile crept across his face.

"How are you feeling?" I said as I walked to his bedside.

"Sore, nauseous, and tired, but otherwise I'm good," he said.

We stared at one another for an awkward moment, before we both laughed and looked away.

"You know, I was serious when I said I'm going to kick your ass, right?" I said as I playfully slapped his hand.

He laughed and flipped his hand over to grab hold of mine.

"Understandable," he said with a chuckle.

I looked at our entwined hands and felt my heart stutter. I liked the feeling of holding his hand like this. It felt comforting and right.

"Did you mean what else you said?" he said barely above a whisper.

"Huh?" I looked at him startled.

He didn't repeat or clarify. He knew I understood the question. I looked into his deep brown eyes and decided there was no point in lying. If he didn't feel the same, I would deal with it, but to tell him I didn't love him was too painful to even consider.

"Yes," I said softly.

He watched me as if trying to catch me in a lie.

"I meant it too," he said.

Despite myself, I smiled. I felt like such a teenager. I was suddenly shy and I felt my cheeks turning red. I hoped the bruises masked it. Though judging by the smile on his face, he could see how smitten I was.

"So, what happens now?" he wondered.

"I honestly don't know. I guess, we just keep moving forward like we normally do and see what happens," I said.

"Ok," he agreed.

"Ok," I said.

And that was the beginning of one of the strangest, most confusing, most wonderful relationships I had ever been in.


	8. Chapter 8

-SPENCER-

I had been home from the hospital for two weeks now. Lenora handled the incident much better than I expected. She was worried about me, of course, but once she saw I was ok she moved on as normal. She was a big help around the house, while my stitches healed. I think she enjoyed getting to be a little bossy with me.

The entire team was given a mandatory three-week recovery leave. Thankfully, no one had any serious injuries. A few concussions, bruised ribs, and whiplash. Matt suffered a sprained wrist and Dave was struggling with bouts of vertigo, but otherwise everyone was incredibly lucky.

We were all relieved that Scratch was dead. To know that he could no longer torment us made the recovery a lot easier. We had all been questioned by the council on whether Luke's decision to shoot rather than arrest was based on emotion or threat. We all corroborated Luke's recap of events, that Scratch had stabbed me and was going for Emily next.

The police officers on the scene even agreed with the events. Everyone knew how dangerous Scratch was and no one wanted him to be put back in jail with another possibility of him escaping.

As for what happened between myself and Emily, things went back to normal. It was as if we had never confessed our feelings to one another. She still came over to visit, but it seemed those visits were becoming less. I should have known that it was too good to be true.

(xxxxx)

It was the day of Lenora's birthday party and I wasn't sure if I wanted to thank everyone or yell at them for the extravagance. Dave had rented a petting zoo with pony rides, a bounce house, obstacle course, and DJ. Emily, J.J., Savannah, and Penelope went all out on unicorn decorations, including a five-foot unicorn balloon. Emily also hired a face painter and a clown that did balloon animals.

Everyone in Lenora's classroom, including their families had come to the party. Of course, Henry, Michael, Hank, Jake, David, Chloe, and Lily were there as well. Lenora was over the moon with the turn out and hadn't left the petting zoo since she arrived.

At one point Derek had challenged me to an obstacle course race. The kids were hysterical as they watched us try to squeeze between two inflatable tubes. They howled with laughter when Derek slipped and tumbled down the climbing wall, wiping me out in the process. We both dove down the slide at the end, rolling into the inflatable wall.

Penelope had her face painted like a butterfly and convinced Luke to paint his like Spiderman. Unbeknownst to him, she got the face painter to make him look like a kitten. Matt spent some time in the bounce house with his kids, wrestling and playing popcorn. Kristy on the sidelines yelling for them to be careful.

Savannah took Hank on his first pony ride, while Derek ran next to him taking pictures. Henry and Michael were having a balloon sword fight with Will and J.J. Every where I turned, everyone was having a great time. I think we all needed this party as much as Lenora did.

Finally, we dragged Lenora away from the petting zoo to do cake and presents. She received so many toys, books, and clothes it was a wonder where we would keep it all. The most surprising gift of all came from Emily.

A little French Bulldog puppy with a pink ribbon tied on her collar. I didn't think it was possible for Lenora to scream as loud as she did. I guess I should have been upset that Emily didn't consult me first, but seeing the joy on Lenora's face wiped away any care I had regarding that.

Emily and I took armfuls of gifts into the house, while Lenora showed the puppy her new home. We piled everything in the living room, rather than clutter the bedroom. After the last bag was brought in, I collapsed on the couch.

"If there's anything left, it can wait until tomorrow," I sighed.

Emily laughed as she sat down next to me.

"That's everything," she said.

"Really? But there isn't nearly enough," I joked at the large mess in front of us.

"It's a shame she is so unloved," Emily teased along with me.

We both laughed before a comfortable silence fell over us.

"I hope you aren't upset with my gift," she suddenly said. "I should have asked you."

"It's fine. At least it's not a cat," I said knowing she loved cats.

"And what would be wrong with a cat?" she said turning towards me.

"What would be right about a cat?" I countered.

"Cats are easy to take care of," she started but I interrupted.

"And they are moody, they leave hair everywhere, they like to scratch you for fun."

"Excuse me, but not all cats are like that. Sergio is very loving and affectionate," she defended.

"What? Sergio is a monster! Last time I was there he ninja attacked me when I tried to use the bathroom and how about the time he used my scalp as a scratching post? Not to mention, you can totally see the judgment in his eyes," I said.

Emily busted out laughing. "Judgment?"

"Yea, it's like those little eyes see right through to my soul," I said.

"You are so weird," she said playfully slapping my arm.

Our moment was interrupted by Lenora skipping into the room with her puppy in her arms.

"Dad, can she sleep with me?"

"Just be careful. Make sure there is nothing in your room she can eat," I said.

"Ok! Thank you so much Emily!" she said running over to hug Emily.

"You're welcome sweet girl. Do you know what you want to name her?"

"Lulubelle, because she's a fancy French dog," Lenora said. "Daddy, do you think she speaks French? Maybe she doesn't understand me when I talk English to her?"

Emily and I chuckled.

"No, she will understand what ever language you speak to her," I said. "Now, go get your jammies on and brush your teeth. It's been a long day."

She gave me a hug and a kiss.

"Ok," she said running off and then stopping to turn back around. "Emily could you read me a bedtime story? I'm not too old for that, am I?"

"I hope not. Cause Sergio doesn't appreciate my story telling skills," she said with a grin.

"Cause cats are stupid," I whispered.

She shot me a playful glare before getting up and following Lenora down the hall.

(xxxxx)

20 minutes later, Emily emerged from the bedroom, while I was still in the exact same spot she left me in. She plopped down next to me and leaned back, mimicking my position.

"Are the presents still there?" I said turning my head to look at her.

"Sadly, yes," she replied.

"Bummer. I had hoped that it would have magically put itself away," I sighed.

"You're the magician. Do some magic," she said with a smile.

"I haven't quite perfected the Mary Poppins room cleaning magic yet. But I can pull a quarter out of your ear if you'd like," I said making her laugh.

"One hundred dollar bills would be better."

"Lenny fall asleep?"

"Yea, she didn't even make it all the way through the story," she said.

"I figured. She had quite an eventful day," I said sitting up to stretch my back. "Thank you for everything you did today. It really meant the world to me."

"Her happiness is thanks enough," she said as she stood up. "I should get going. It's getting late and I'm sure you're exhausted."

I followed her to the door, where she stopped and turned to face me. She gave me a gentle smile and it was then I saw it. The look she gave me when she confessed to loving me.

"Thank you for a great day," she said giving me our usual goodbye hug.

I felt her linger slightly longer than normal. She leaned back and without thinking properly, I grabbed her face and pressed my lips to hers. There was no resistance on her part. She matched my intensity as her arms wrapped around me.

There we stood in the middle of my entryway making out. Her mouth parting and granting me access, while her fingers tangled in my hair. She was so intoxicating I wanted more.

"Stay," I whispered before pressing my mouth back against hers.

Her response was to walk me slowly backwards toward the bedroom. We continued to kiss as we walked quietly down the hall, occasionally bumping into things we obviously couldn't see. When we reached my bedroom, I spun her around against the door and locked it as I trailed kisses down her neck.

As I kissed her, I could feel her pulling my shirt out of my pants. I stepped back to let her pull it over my head. In return, I lifted hers off, taking in the sight of her purple bra that was barely holding her breasts in.

She wasted no time unhooking the bra and throwing it to the floor. I grabbed her and pulled her into my body kissing her passionately. The feel of her skin against mine was amazing. I lifted her in my arms and carried her the few feet to my bed, where I laid her down and climbed over her.

Her arms immediately wrapped around my neck, pulling me back down to her lips. My hand trailed up her body, gently massaging her breast as she let out a small moan in my mouth. I broke the kiss and slid down her body. My mouth wrapping around her nipple where I licked and sucked on it, eliciting groans from her.

It wasn't long before she was pulling me back up, our mouths colliding once again. I felt her hands unbuckling my pants and sliding the zipper down. I didn't have much chance to react before she shoved her hand inside and grabbed hold of my erection.

My eyes flickered closed as she ran her hand up and down. It felt so good I could hardly hold out. I sat up and quickly rid her of her pants and panties. Leaving her fully nude below me and man was she beautiful.

"My God Emily, you are so breathtaking," I said as I admired her.

She smiled shyly and crooked her finger to call me toward her. I slipped the rest of my clothes off and hovered over her. Our eyes staring into one another's. I gently kissed her.

"I love you," I said softly.

She placed her hand on my cheek and smiled.

"I love you," she said.

There was a bit more passionate kisses before I finally pushed my way into her. The feeling of our bodies becoming one was extraordinary. She kept her legs wrapped tightly around my waist as I worked in and out.

I moved around a little bit, but as we neared the end, I held her close to me. Our eyes connected as our noses practically touched. Her mouth was opened and small gasping sounds were coming from her. I moved quickly, hitting the spot that was taking her breath away and causing her to grow tense beneath me.

Suddenly her body convulsed and she began shaking. I could feel her walls tightening around me as she shook through orgasm. Three more rapid thrusts and I hit the edge. Moaning as I emptied inside of her. I collapsed half on top, half on the side of her. Our hearts pounding as we tried to catch our breath.

After a few minutes, I sat up and grabbed the comforter at the end of the bed and pulled it over us. I leaned over her and gave her a few soft kisses. We continued to kiss and love on each other, until we fell asleep tangled together. Completely in love.

(xxxxx)

A/N _: so this style of writing is new for me. I don't typically write like this. But rest assured this story is already planned out with it's ending, so it won't drag on for weeks. You may have to wait a day or two, but I'll do my best to be quick. Also, I won't do repeat chapters. The characters may do a tiny portion of the previous chapter, but only to tie up any loose strings. Otherwise, it is to progress the story._

 _Thanks for all the feedback! It helps a lot! Hope you like this chapter! xoxo_


	9. Chapter 9

-SPENCER-

The secret affair continued with no one, except Luke being of the wiser. When anyone was around we kept the relationship friendly. As soon as Lenora was at school or asleep, we instantly melted into lovers. This worked for a solid four months, until one afternoon when Lenora had gone on a ladies day out with Penelope and J.J. They had invited Emily, but she claimed to have too much paperwork to do.

About 20 minutes after Lenora had left, Emily came over. I made her lunch, where we sat and talked about the upcoming holidays. Then we attempted to watch a movie, but it wasn't long before we were naked on the couch.

Hovered over her gorgeous body, I was pushing into her over and over. She let out moans of pleasure that sent chills up my spine. I had just pressed my mouth to hers, when I heard the sound of the door being unlocked. My head shot up over the couch and I let out a yelp as J.J., Penelope, and Lenora appeared in the doorway.

"Hey-o!" J.J. called out as her hand flew over Lenora's.

"What the hell?" I cried as I rolled off the couch, grabbing my clothes desperately.

"What's going on?" Lenora asked.

J.J. had turned her completely away from view. Both her and Penelope had looked away to allow me to dress. I quickly put on my pants and shirt, before handing Emily the afghan to hide under.

"What are you doing back so soon?" I said, knowing my face was red as a stop sign.

"I forgot my purse. It has all my girl stuff in it for today," Lenora said, still facing away from me. "What's going on?"

"Nothing honey. Why don't I take you to your room," J.J. said as she shuffled Lenora blindly past me to the hallway, before letting her run to her room.

Penelope started laughing boisterously.

"We are so sorry for interrupting," she said through her laughter.

"Yes, whoever you are. We will be out of here momentarily," J.J. said to the 'mystery woman' on the couch.

Lenora came running back down the hallway, where J.J. intercepted her.

"Why can't I see what's going on? Did something happen to Dad or Emily?" Lenora said as she walked obstructed next to J.J.

"Emily isn't here, she had to work today," J.J. said.

"Then why is her purse by the front door?"

Penelope and J.J. both looked at the purse than back at me. I lifted my hand to cover my face. There was no way out of this.

"Shut. Up," Penelope said.

"What? What's going on?" Lenora said totally confused.

"Lenora, why don't you wait outside in the hall for a second. I need to talk to your Dad," J.J. said as she ushered Lenny out the door.

Once the door was shut, the girls both stared at me waiting for me to say something.

"You aren't going to go away until you get answers, are you?" Emily said from under the afghan.

Penelope squealed her response, while J.J. simply stated 'yep'.

I watched as Emily sat up, careful to keep herself completely covered. Only her head and a bit of her shoulders could be seen over the couch. I pursed my lips as I looked at her messy sex hair and kiss swollen lips.

"When did this begin?" J.J. asked.

I looked at Emily, afraid to speak out of turn. How much did she want everyone to know? She nodded her approval.

"4 months, 1 week, and 3 days."

"What?" Penelope gasped.

"Is it …" J.J. trailed off unsure how to ask the question.

Emily and I stared at her as we waited for clarification. Penelope seemed to understand what she wanted to ask.

"Is it serious or are you guys just fooling around?"

I once again looked to Emily. I knew for me it was serious. I confessed my love for her, so of course, it was more than just sex. But we never really talked about what this was. We just enjoyed it when we could.

"It's serious. At least for me," Emily said surprising me.

"No, yea, it's serious for me too," I said which made her smile.

I heard both Penelope and J.J. awing.

"Well, we won't say anything to Lenny, but we will be talking about this later," J.J. replied.

"Yea, cause I want details!" Penelope said excitedly.

"See you two love birds later," J.J. teased as she opened the door and walked out.

"This is just so cute. Ok, bye!" Penelope gushed as she hurried and shut the door, locking it.

I sighed as I turned back to look at Emily.

"How long until everyone knows?"

"Are you kidding? Garcia's texting everyone as we speak," Emily said.

"Does that bother you?" I wondered.

Emily seemed to think it over.

"No, not really. It'll make it a lot easier now that it doesn't have to be hidden. But, what about Lenny? What if she isn't happy about it?"

I rarely saw the insecure side of Emily, but once in a while, she let her façade drop and I saw the real her. This was one of those moments.

"I can assure you that she will be happy. A while back she was pestering me to ask you out," I told her.

"Really?"

"Yea, she said it wasn't fair that she wouldn't get a say in who her new Mom was," I said and then realized what I implied. "I mean, not that it's … that's something … like way down the road."

Emily just smiled at my rambling.

"Relax, Spence. I didn't take that as a proposal. I'm glad she will be accepting of this, but I am a little afraid I won't live up to what she hopes for," she frowned.

"Emily, you are the same person whether we are dating or not. She will love you as much as she always has," I assured her.

Emily nodded as I reached for her hand and pulled her up from the couch. I pressed my lips gently to hers. My fingers framing her delicate face.

"So, you wanna go finish what we started?" I said as I pushed the afghan from her body.

"You read my mind," she said.

I lifted her up and carried her off to the bedroom. The sound of our phones ringing in the background.

"We'll deal with that later," she said as I nodded in agreement.

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: thanks for the reviews! I honestly look forward to reading them and it really brightens my day! I hope you enjoy this chapter. xoxo_


	10. Chapter 10

-EMILY-

So, the news was out to everyone at work. They were all excited and incredibly supportive, but also, extremely nosey. Between Penelope and J.J. wanting to know all the details, including our sex life, and the jokes I endured from Derek (through text messages) and Luke, I really wished it had stayed a secret longer.

We still hadn't told Lenora. Not that we wanted to hide it, we just weren't sure how to approach the topic. Coming right out and saying "we are in love, is that cool?" just didn't seem right. We both agreed to wait until we felt the moment was right and then we would tell her.

It was a cold Friday night in October and I had brought over pizzas and some Halloween movies for us to watch. The moment the door opened and I locked eyes with Spencer, I could see something was wrong.

"What's the matter?"

"Lenora. She's been locked in her room all day crying. She won't talk to me. I don't know what to do," he said sadly.

"You want me to try and talk to her?"

"Worth a shot," he said as he grabbed the pizza.

Taking advantage of the empty room, I placed my hands on his cheeks and gave him a chaste kiss. A small smile reached his lips, which I returned, before walking off to Lenora's room. I gently knocked on the door, but heard no response.

Taking my chances, I turned the door knob and found it to be unlocked. Her room was dark and Lulubelle ran straight for me. Her tail wagging happily. I scooped her up and greeted her as I put her outside the door I shut behind me.

"Lenny, sweetheart," I said as I slowly approached her bed. "Your dad told me you had a rough day. Would you like to talk about it?"

I sat down on her bed, only her nightlight illuminating the room. I could see she was awake. Her arms holding tightly to Curious George as she stared blankly at the wall ahead of her.

"You know I'm always here for you. You don't have to be afraid to talk to me and if it's something you want me to keep between us, as long as it isn't something important your dad should know, I will keep it a secret," I assured her.

She slowly turned towards me, but didn't say anything. Her eyes glassy and her lips turned down in a frown.

"Did something happen at school?"

She slowly nodded her head.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" I asked again.

She shrugged.

"Scoot over," I said as I climbed into the bed with her.

My back against the headboard and my feet stretched out. She eased herself closer, laying her head on my lap, George still tucked in her arms.

"At recess today, Nancy, a girl from my class, was handing out birthday invitations. Everyone in class got one except for me," she said in a small broken voice. "I asked her why and she said because it was a Mommy daughter party and since I didn't have a Mommy I wasn't allowed to come. She said it would ruin the fun because all the other Mom's would feel bad for me and she didn't want sad people at her party."

My heart snapped in two. Half of me grieved for this poor child who lay against me heartbroken and the other part of me suddenly wanted to go tell Nancy exactly what I thought of her.

"Honey, I am so sorry. Nancy is a horrible person to exclude you like that. I know how terrible you feel and I wish I could take that pain away," I said to her as I held her closer to my body.

"It's not fair. I can't help it I don't have a Mommy. It's not my fault," she said as tears dripped down her face.

"First of all, you do have a Mommy. Just because she lives in Heaven now, doesn't mean she isn't still your Mom," I told her. "Second, does Nancy have an entire FBI team as her family? Does she have an Uncle Dave, Uncle Derek, Uncle Luke, Uncle Matt, Uncle Aaron, Uncle Will? How about an Aunt J.J. or Aunt Penny?"

"You forgot you," she said softly.

"Well, that's because I was saving the best most amazing person for last. She doesn't have an Emily. So, you can tell Fancy Nancy you didn't want to go to her party anyway. You have better things to do," I said.

"That wouldn't be nice. I don't want to hurt her feelings," Lenny said as she sat up.

"You are your father's daughter. Such a beautiful, big heart," I said with a smile. "Your Mom is very proud of you Lenora."

"How do you know that?" she said with a furrowed brow.

"I know this because I am so very proud of you and if I'm just an Emily, I can only imagine what your Mom feels."

"I love you Emily," she said wrapping her arms around my neck.

"I love you too. More than you will ever know."

"Emily, you won't leave me like Mommy did, will you?" she asked with worry in her eyes.

"I can promise you, that your Dad and I will do all we can to always come home to you. But if there is ever a reason we are apart, whether it's for work or if we went to Heaven like Mommy, I want you to know we are always right here," I said pointing at her heart. "As long as your little heart beats, that is our love pulsing through you."

"Does your love pulse through Daddy's heart too?" she asked.

I could see the hint of hope in her little brown eyes.

"As a matter of fact, it does," I said with a smile.

"Really? Like more than a friend love?" she said, trying to reign her excitement.

I sighed. Guess this was the time to break the news.

"Just a sec," I said before turning my head toward the door. "Spence! Come here!"

It only took a few moments before the door opened and Spencer appeared with Lulubelle right behind him.

"Everything alright?" he asked concerned.

"I feel much better after talking to Emily," Lenora said with a smile.

"That's good to hear," he said smiling back at her.

"We were talking about how no matter where you are or her Mom is you are always in her heart," I began.

"And I asked if Emily's love pulsed through your heart too and she said yes," she said practically beaming.

Spencer looked at me to see if this was the moment we told her. He could read my thoughts clearly as always.

"That is true and my love pulses through Emily's heart too," he said.

She looked between the two of us, her smile stretched across her face. She seemed to be afraid to trust what she was hearing.

"More than friends?" she dared ask one more time.

Spencer let out chuckle before nodding his head, "yea, more than friends."

Lenora squealed and dove into my arms, before launching herself at Spencer.

"Since when?" she asked as she let go of Spencer.

I wasn't sure how to answer that.

"I think there was always something special between Emily and me, but I think your Mom saw how lonely I was and she brought us together," he said, making me tear up a little.

"So, Mommy won't be mad?"

"No, not at all. Your Mom and I talked about what would happen if one of us passed away. Of course, with my line of work, I always assumed it would be me, not her. But anyway, we both agreed that it was important for not only us, but you, to try to find love again.

I will always love Mommy. That will never ever change. The amazing thing about our hearts is they always have room for more people to love," he explained.

"Lenora, it is important you know that I don't want to replace your Mom. She is a special part of your life and she will always be there," I told her.

"Ok," she said softly.

"Is there anything you want to ask us?" Spencer said.

Lenora thought for a minute, comically taping her pointer finger to her lips.

"Yes, what were you doing on the couch last week?"

I burst out laughing as Spencer stood up completely red faced.

"Who wants pizza?" he said walking out of the room.

"What? Dad, wait, why won't you tell me!" she said as she chased him out of the room, Lulubelle skipping behind.

So, there it was. The moment we waited so long for. I felt good about the talk. I looked at Curious George who laid on Lenora's bed and picked him up.

"I wish you could be here to see how wonderful she is. We all miss you so much. I'll try my best to take care of her," I said quietly as I hugged the stuffed monkey.

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: ok, so I realized I have forgotten all about poor Tara! I love her and I forgot about her! I don't want to add her at this point, there are already enough characters. But I'm so sorry Tara!_

 _Thanks again for all the support and awesome comments! xoxo_


	11. Chapter 11

-SPENCER-

"What kind of a stupid name is Nancy anyway? I'd like to give that Nancy a piece of my mind," Emily said angrily.

Lenora had gone to bed an hour ago, while Emily and I had sat down to watch TV. Though there wasn't much TV watching as Emily had been fit to be tied about what happened. It was pretty adorable seeing her become a lioness protecting her cubs. I just sat back and listened as she vented.

Don't get me wrong. I am beyond angry that someone could say such a horrible thing to my sweet girl, but it doesn't surprise me. My entire life revolved around bullies. Why should I expect it to be any different? Especially now, when parents make excuses for their children's bad behavior.

"I want to know when her party is. I'm going to throw a party for Lenny with an entire circus and invite everyone but Nancy," she said making me laugh.

She looked at me, surprised by my response. I grabbed her hand and pressed my lips to the back of it.

"It melts my heart that you care so deeply for Lenny," I said with a loving smile. "But I don't want to teach her to treat others that way. I want her to be the better person."

She groaned. "I know. She said the same thing. But man would it feel good to rub it in her face."

"It might for a moment, but I know you all too well. Knowing someone was hurting or left out would not make you feel good. You are too compassionate, despite your tough exterior," I said poking her arm.

"Not true. I'm heartless. Like a robot," she joked.

I chuckled at that, before scooting closer to her. My hand tangled in her hair as I pulled her down to my lips. It was a gentle, loving kiss, but as usual, it got my heart racing. I broke the kiss and saw her eyes flutter open. She had clearly enjoyed that moment too.

"Not so robot after all," I whispered.

"Maybe we should experiment a little further? I mean, you can never be too sure," she said as she ran her hand over my pant-covered dick. I groaned at the feeling.

"As a man of Science, I can't turn down the opportunity to experiment," I said.

She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the bedroom, where we spent the rest of the night exploring one another.

(xxxxx)

The next few days passed by peacefully. That was until I got a phone call from Lenora's school that still sends chills down my spine. It seemed she had disappeared after recess. I jumped from my desk and ran straight for Emily's office. I burst through her door, startling her.

"Lenny's missing," I choked out.

"What?" she said as she stood up to walk toward me.

"She's missing. The school called. They can't find her," I said as I felt myself shutting down.

"Ok, ok. Calm down. Deep breaths," she said as she trotted past me to the door. "My office now!"

My body was numb. I shook with fear at the thought of my daughter missing. This was something I dealt with on many occasions in my career, but never did I imagine those words being said to me. I could feel myself hyperventilating. Emily appeared next to me, rubbing my back soothingly, though I could feel her hands were as unsteady as mine.

"What's going on?" Luke asked as he entered the room.

Only a few steps behind was Matt, followed by J.J. and finally Rossi. I could only imagine what they were thinking, seeing me unhinged like this.

"Lenora is missing," Emily said, her voice wavering slightly.

"Oh my God," J.J. gasped in despair.

"What do you want us to do?" Luke said immediately ready to take action.

Emily seemed to be lost for a moment, but as usual, she found a way to push aside her feelings and stay level headed.

"Matt and Dave, can you go to the school? Find out any information you can. J.J. if you could go wait at Reid's house, in case she comes home. Luke, can you have Garcia hack any surveillance cameras in the area to get an idea of where she might've headed," she delegated.

Everyone agreed and rushed from the room. Once again, I felt Emily's hands on me.

"Why don't we drive around and see if we can find her?" she offered.

I couldn't respond. There was nothing left in me. I looked helplessly into Emily's frightened eyes and I lost it.

"I can't lose her, Emily, I can't," I sobbed. "I can't lose my baby."

"I know," she said as she held me tight.

Her body shaking along with mine as we cried together.

"We have to be strong right now. We are trained to find … kids," she said skipping over the horrible word, missing. "We will find her. I promise we will."

(xxxxx)

We drove some of the routes we knew Lenny was familiar with, but didn't come across her.

"What about the cemetery? Do you think she'd go there?" Emily asked.

"At this point, we should try every possibility," I said as I watched the city moving around me.

I was so angry that life continued as if I wasn't trying to find my child. How could people still laugh and still eat and still work and still play while my daughter was missing? I felt Emily's hand lay gently over mine. She didn't say anything or look at me, she just put her hand there. A gentle reminder she was with me.

We pulled into the cemetery 15 minutes later. The thought of being back here made me sick to my already horribly nauseous stomach. As we approached Claire's grave, my phone rang. I quickly speaker phoned it.

"J.J.?" I said desperately.

"I have her. She came home," she said.

Emily let out the loudest sob I'd ever heard. Her head dropping onto the steering wheel as she let out all the emotions she had been holding in. I, on the other hand, swung the car door open and retched. It continued until there was nothing left to throw up and I was dry heaving.

Once I was able to breathe again, I climbed back into the car where Emily wrapped her arms tightly around me. We took a few minutes to compose ourselves before driving home as quickly as possible.

(xxxxx)

I stormed through the front door, steaming. J.J. jumped up from the couch and rushed to me with her hands out in front of her.

"Where is she?" I growled.

"Wait, hold on," she tried to tell me, but I pushed past her and stomped to Lenora's room.

I swung her door open, ready to give her a piece of my mind. I lost my anger instantly when I saw her staring back at me from her bed where she was laying on her side.

"Oh my God, Lenny," I said as I hurried to her side. "What happened baby?"

She was sporting a black eye, various scrapes on her face and arms, and a busted lip.

"I don't want to talk about it," she said as a tear slid down her cheek.

"Lenora, who hurt you?" I said sternly.

I wasn't angry at her. I was angry at whoever hurt my child.

"It doesn't matter," she said.

"What do you mean it doesn't matter?" I said with an unusually high voice.

Emily reached out and put her hand on mine. Her way of telling me to calm down.

"Lenny, it matters very much to us. Someone hurt you and we want to know who," Emily said gently.

"If I tell you, she will get in trouble –"

"Damn right she will!" I interrupted.

"Spencer, please," Emily said in a hushed tone.

She looked back at Lenora sympathetically.

"Why would it be a bad thing for her to get in trouble?" Emily asked.

"Because then she'll just hate me more and the whole class will hate me for being a tattle-tail," Lenny said. "It will just make everything worse."

"Lenny, you can't let her pick on you like this," I said wanting so desperately to do something.

"Daddy, you wouldn't understand! You don't know what it was like! These group of girls surrounded me and watched her. No one helped me. No one got a teacher. They all just let it happen," she said as tears streamed down her face.

Pain shot straight through my heart. It was like reliving my childhood all over again. Emily had never heard my story and I had hoped she never would. I glanced at her and immediately looked away when she looked at me.

"Lenny … I actually understand more than you would ever know," I said sadly.

"What? How?" she said in disbelief.

I looked at Emily again. She was watching me with curious eyes. I dropped my head in shame, before turning my attention to Lenny.

"When I was 12, I was a senior in high school. It was difficult enough being the smartest kid in the school, but being much younger than everyone made it hard to make friends. I was teased and ostracized most of my life. By the time I was in high school, I only had one friend who would play with me. His name was Jimmy and lived down the street from me. He had down syndrome and loved everyone, so he never judged me.

Anyway, senior year of high school I was in the library one day when this girl Harper approached me. She was best friends with Alexa Lisbon, the most popular, prettiest girl in the entire school. Harper told me that Alexa wanted to meet me behind the field house.

I went outside and Alexa was there … with the entire football team," I said pausing to swallow the lump in my throat. "They took my clothes and tied me to the goal post. I was surrounded by kids laughing at me. They tortured me for the next hour until they got bored and went home. A groundskeeper eventually found me around midnight and took me home."

I could see the shock in Lenny's eyes. I didn't want to know what Emily was thinking. I avoided looking her way.

"What did Grandma say?" Lenny asked.

"Well, Grandma was too sick at the time to understand," I said.

"Did you tell anyone? What did the school do? They deserved to be punished," she said angrily.

"Yes, they did, but I didn't tell anyone. I didn't want them to pick on me more and I figured if I just ignored them they would leave me alone," I said.

"Did they stop?"

I shook my head. "No. It didn't stop. They tormented me the rest of the year and the worst part," I said sadly, "was the pain of what they did never went away either. It still hurts to think about it. I wish I would have told someone. If nothing else, at least someone could have helped me deal with the pain I felt inside. The shame, the humiliation, the confusion. I was too young to deal with that on my own."

"Daddy, I am so sorry they did that to you," she said sitting up to wrap her arms around me.

"Thank you. I am so sorry for what you went through too. I want to help you. I want to be there for you like I wish someone had been there for me. Whoever hurt you deserves to be punished. No one should hurt others and get away with it," I said.

"But what if she gets madder at me?"

"Then I continue to protect you. I will do whatever needs to be done," I said. "Either way, we do it together."

"All of us," Emily chimed in.

I took a chance and looked at her. I could see the hurt in her eyes as she reached out and tangled her hand with mine. She reached her other hand out for Lenora who grabbed it with a smile.

"Ok," Lenora said. "I'll tell you what happened."

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: hope you enjoyed this emotional chapter! xoxo_


	12. Chapter 12

-EMILY-

"I understand your concern, Mrs. Prentiss," the Principal of Lenora's school said to me.

I had pleaded with Spencer to let me attend the meeting with the school. Lenny was like a daughter to me and I wanted answers.

"I don't think you do understand my concern, Mrs. Lowry. You seem to be more concerned with punishing Lenora, then why she ran off in the first place," I said, using my Unit Chief authoritative voice.

"We are most certainly concerned about Lenora's injuries, but we have no evidence at this time that Nancy Pruitt was the culprit," Mrs. Lowry said.

"Is school not a safe place to be?" I asked.

"We strive every day for that," she began.

"Well yesterday, on a playground full of hundreds of children, my daughter was beaten to the point that she was too afraid to even enter the school. How is it possible that not one teacher or aid noticed a group of girls in a circle beating up another child?" I said angrily.

I saw Spencer shoot me a look, but I wasn't sure what for. I didn't have time to try and figure it out. I was too busy controlling my anger right now.

"As you said, there are hundreds of children. We are not able to –"

"Able to what? Keep them safe? If there are too many children than you should hire more staff. If you can't hire more staff than you need to figure something out and quick, because I can assure you I will be speaking with my lawyer about this situation," I said.

"Mrs. Prentiss, we do not want this to become an issue that lawyers need to be involved. I promise you that I will look into this further and I will set up a meeting with all the parents whose children were claimed to be involved," Mrs. Lowry said.

"Continue to update me daily through my email, if you would," I said with finality.

"Yes ma'am, I will," she said.

I started to stand up and walk out when I heard her say, "Dr. Reid?" I turned around to find him looking down at his feet. He slowly lifted his head and I could hear the pain in his voice.

"Mrs. Lowry, I know you do the best you can and I realize to you this may just be another headache with a student. But she is all I have. She is my baby and if you would just take a moment to imagine how it would feel to see your child hurt the way Lenora was. To receive a phone call that she is missing," he said as his voice cracked.

"Dr. Reid, I am truly sorry for what transpired on my watch. I have a son and a daughter. I can't begin to fully understand the distress this has caused you, but I know that I would be devastated if something happened to my kids.

All I can promise you at this time, is I will make changes so this incident does not happen again and I will do all that I can within my power to see that justice is served for Lenora," Mrs. Lowry said sincerely.

Spencer nodded as he stood up and shook her hand. He thanked her for her time and we walked out of the school. As we headed to my car, I heard a couple women chatting together in the parent pick-up line. I heard one of the women talking about Nancy. I stopped as Spencer kept walking.

"Excuse me," I said making the women turn toward me. All four of them glaring at me with disgust and judgment.

"Is one of you Nancy Pruitt's mother?"

"I am," said the tall, bleach blonde. She wore a mini jean skirt and a way too tight tank top that showed off her obviously fake double d's. Her face caked in make-up and plastic surgery. "Who are you?"

"I'm Emily Prentiss. Do you have a minute to talk about the situation with Lenora yesterday?" I asked her politely.

The ladies began whispering as a smug look crossed Mrs. Pruitt's face.

"Again, who are you? You aren't Lenora's mother, she's dead," she said.

"Yes, yes she is. Like your manners," I said smiling. "Anyway, we just finished having a meeting with Mrs. Lowry and would like to sit down with you to discuss yesterday's incident."

"Mrs. Prentiss, you have no proof that Nancy was involved. My daughter would never participate in such behavior. She is an upstanding citizen. So, I'll ask you one time, to leave me and my daughter alone or I will get the authorities involved."

"Actually, it's Agent," I said with a grin. The other Mom's looked at each other before looking back at me with less amusement. "You obviously don't know anything about me. I am the Unit Chief for the FBI. I have been trained to hunt down serial killers," I said in a low deep voice for emphasis. "I can assure you, if you want the authorities involved, I will be happy to contact them.

I will have every good lawyer and judge in town against you. I have gone up against some of the most violent, frightening people and haven't blinked. You aren't even on the scale of difficulty. So, try me. I dare you."

Mrs. Pruitt's eyes were wide and her mouth dropped open in shock.

"Are you threatening me? How dare you threaten me!" she said.

"No, how dare you stand here and defend your demon seed. She physically assaulted someone and rather than own up to the shitty parenting you are obviously doing, you blame the victim. You are the reason your child is an asshole and I can assure you from experience, if you continue making excuses for her, I will see her again when she's older. When she is being arrested," I said furiously.

"So, I suggest you go home tonight and seriously reconsider your stance on this situation. Do you really want to go up against a well-respected dignitary and FBI agent? Or do you want to do what's right and take responsibility for your child's actions and settle this out of court?"

With that, I turned and walked off to the car where Spencer stood waiting for me.

"She's not even your kid!" Mrs. Pruitt yelled.

I didn't even acknowledge her at this point. I had said my peace and I felt good about it. However, I was concerned about Spencer's thoughts about what happened. He was quiet the entire ride home.

(xxxxx)

The rest of the evening Spencer was quiet. He didn't say much, other than to check on Lenora. He disappeared a few times without saying a word to walk Lulubelle. I thought back to how our day went and I wondered if I had crossed a boundary.

It was after 9 o'clock and three books later, before Lenora finally fell asleep. I turned off her bedside lamp, kissed her head, and walked out into the living room. Spencer was sitting on the couch reading a book, or pretending to. I noticed he hadn't turned a single page.

"She's asleep," I said as I sat down on the opposite end of the couch.

"That's good," he said as he flipped a page slowly, just to look as though he was reading.

"Spence, did I overstep today?" I said, wanting answers.

He looked at me for some time, before closing his book and placing it on the end table.

"I don't know," he said.

"Well, obviously I did something," I said.

"Emily, I appreciate everything you do for me and Lenora. I really do," he started.

"But?"

"But, today … she's not your daughter, Emily. She's is my daughter and I don't want to handle this situation with threats. It will only cause more problems, especially for Lenny," he said with clouded eyes. "I just think maybe this is moving too fast and … right now … I need to focus on helping my daughter through this.

I don't want to battle with parents. I don't want to sue the school. I just want Lenora to be safe and happy," he said as a few tears escaped.

"Wait, you don't want to be with me anymore because of today? Seriously?" I said incredulously.

"This isn't easy for me. I am very confused and unsure right now. All I know is, Lenora needs my undivided attention," he said looking away from me.

"Spencer, how have you not been giving her attention? Do you think this happened because of you? You realize you couldn't have prevented this?"

"Perhaps, but I still feel like I need to clear my head. I'm taking Lenny to Vegas for a while. Visit with Mom, give her time to heal and figure out what we are going to do," he said.

"So, run away? That makes a lot of fucking sense," I said as I crossed my arms angrily over my chest.

"I'm not running away. I'm trying to do what is best for my daughter," he said in frustration.

"And what I did wasn't for her best?"

"I need time to process everything," he sighed.

"Nice, and while you go process everything what am I supposed to do? Just sit around and wait for you to decide I'm worthy of you again?" I said sarcastically.

"I don't expect you to wait for me," he said softly.

"Wow, ok," I said in shock as I laughed humorlessly.

I stood up and walked over to the door to grab my things. He didn't move from his position. His face buried in his hands.

"Goodbye, Reid," I said as I walked out and slammed the door.

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: as always thank you, thank you for the comments!_


	13. Chapter 13

-SPENCER-

I sat quietly watching Lenora teaching Mom how to make an Origami Crane. They were both intently staring at the papers in front of them. Lenora's tongue pursed between her lips as she concentrated on each perfect fold.

"Ta-da!" she said as she held up her white Crane. "Watch this."

She pulled on the Crane's tail and the wings flapped up and down.

"Lenora, that is amazing," Mom said. "Mine looks like a crumbled piece of paper I stole out of a trash can."

She held hers up and Lenora burst into giggles.

"It's ok Grandma. You tried your best. I'll show you again later," Lenora said.

"Are you hungry?" Mom asked and Lenny nodded. "Great. Why don't you go down to the lunchroom and see if you can grab something for all of us?"

"Ok, but what if it's too much to carry?"

"Ask Jenny at the front desk. She'll find someone to help you."

Lenora hurried out of the room and Mom's attention turned to me.

"How are you feeling?" I asked her.

"I'm crazy and forgetful, nothing new here. I want to know how you are?" she said eyeing me.

"Fine," I shrugged.

"Spencer, must we play this game every time. You know I can see right through you. How are you?" she repeated.

I sighed.

"Mom, I don't want to talk about it, ok?"

"Well too bad. If you didn't want to discuss your problems, you should have stayed home," she said making me roll my eyes. "What happened?"

"What do you mean what happened?" I said incredulously. "Tomorrow is November 12, Mom."

"Yes, I am more than aware, thank you. But there is more bothering you, than just the anniversary of Claire's death. Something more is going on. You are running from something, otherwise you wouldn't show up out of the blue and tell me you are staying for a while," she accused.

"I just felt overwhelmed. That's all," I said. "I needed a break."

"It has nothing to do with dating Emily?" she said with one eyebrow raised.

"What? How did you know?" I said in shock.

"Lenora writes me letters. She was quite pleased with you and Emily being an item," she said.

"Little blabber mouth," I mumbled.

"So, what happened?" she asked again.

"Nothing happened. I ended it with her. She was moving too fast and overstepping her boundaries," I said.

"How so?"

"Well, after the incident with Lenora at school, I had a meeting scheduled with the principal and Emily asked to come along. She wound up dominating the entire conversation with a lot of threats and aggression. She even confronted one of the parents and threatened to destroy the woman and her child in court," I said angrily.

"Wow, what a monster. How dare she stand up for Lenora like that. Some nerve of her to care so deeply for your child that she would take time out of her day to try and help protect her from bullies. I can see why she had to go," Mom said.

"You don't understand, Mom. In the meeting she even called Lenora her daughter! She is not Lenny's Mom! She has no right to call herself that!" I said getting angrier.

"Spencer, sweetheart, this has nothing to do with Emily," she said as she got up and sat on her bed to be closer to me. "I know you miss Claire. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. Allowing another woman to take over Claire's role, especially as we near the holidays and her year anniversary is going to be emotionally difficult."

I wanted to deny what she was saying and continue to blame Emily for my feelings, but she was right. The overwhelming guilt I felt about Claire not being here to raise Lenora with me was crippling at times. My lip trembled as I tried to hold back my tears. I felt Mom's arms around me.

"I know this is hard, but I assure you, the pain will ease with time," she whispered.

I nodded as I held her tightly. I was grateful she was lucid and able to be there for me. I needed her so badly.

"If you love Emily, don't push her away. Tell her how you feel and I am sure she will understand."

"I don't know. I was pretty cruel to her," I said as I let go of Mom.

"If she loves you, as I believe she does, she will forgive you."

I sniffled and wiped at my eyes before giving her a thankful smile.

(xxxxx)

Back at the hotel, I tossed and turned. Lenora stayed the night with Mom, while I opted to come back to the hotel for peace and quiet. I glanced at the clock and saw that it read 2:43am. It was way too late to call or text her, but I couldn't sleep.

 **S: Are you awake?**

I waited in the dark about a minute when I heard the ping of my text.

 **E: No**

 **S: Oh, sorry. Never mind.**

 **E: I'm up now. What do you want?**

 **S: May I call you?**

 **E: It's nearly 3am.**

I sighed and stared at the screen unsure what to say. Before I had a chance to think of anything, my phone screen lit up with her name calling me.

"Hello," I said.

"What's up?" she said with a sleep heavy voice.

"I'm sorry to bother you –"

"Cut the bullshit, Reid. What do you want?" she snapped.

I noticed she was still calling me Reid instead of Spencer. I sighed as I tried to control my stupid emotions, but I was failing miserably. I hiccupped a sob when I tried to speak, thawing her icy chip immediately.

"What's the matter? Are you alright? Is Lenora? It's not your Mom, is it?" she said frantically.

"We are fine," I sniffled. "Well, they are fine."

"Spencer are you safe? You aren't alone, are you?" she asked, her voice alert.

"I'm ok. I promise. I'm just … I'm having a really hard time right now," I said as tears streamed down my cheeks. "Emily, I don't know how to deal with all of this. I am so confused about everything and I pushed you away …"

"Ok, take a deep breath. Try to calm yourself down," she said soothingly. "You don't need to worry about us –"

"Of course, I do. I was horrible to you. You were trying to help and I should have been grateful," I said, interrupting her.

"Look, I know at the time I didn't handle it well, but I know this is about Claire," she said timidly toward the end. As though hearing Claire's name would set me off.

"I just feel so much guilt about moving on, even though she wanted me to and I miss her every day, which sometimes makes me feel like I'm cheating on you both," I explained.

"I can't speak for Claire, but as for myself, it doesn't bother me that you still love her as much as you do," she said softly. "Spencer, she was taken from you. This wasn't a choice. To expect your heart to just let go of all that you and Claire had together is crazy. She is your love and your daughters Mom. That is a bond that cannot be changed or broken."

I wiped my tears away as I let her words sink in.

"I'm sorry. I panicked and got scared. I took it out on you and I am very sorry."

"I know and I should have taken things slower with you. I got wrapped up in my own feelings that I never stopped to consider how this would affect you and Lenora. I'm sorry, as well."

"You were coming from a place of love and I do appreciate that. I truly do. I am blessed that you care for Lenora as much as you do and I promise to try and communicate my feelings better," I said.

"So … what does this mean?" she asked.

"I want to come home and try again. I don't want to go through this without you."

"Ok, then," she said. I could almost feel her smile through the phone.

"Ok. I'll call you tomorrow with the plan," I said.

"Sleep well, Spencer."

"I love you Emily," I said.

"I love you too."

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: considered dragging this out longer, maybe making if more dramatic, but I just felt this was the path to go. Hope you enjoy! xoxo_


	14. Chapter 14

-EMILY-

"FUUUUUUUUCK!"

Spencer chuckled as he shushed me and put his hand over my mouth.

"You're gonna wake, Lenora," he whispered.

"How am I supposed to keep it down when you are so fucking good at fucking me?" I said as I looked over my shoulder.

He was on his knees behind me, now leaning over with his chest against my back.

"I don't know, bite a pillow?" he said as he kissed my cheek.

"How about I bite you?" I growled.

"Then I'll be the one yelling," he laughed.

Suddenly, he slid out of me. My anger spiking immediately.

"Where are you going?" I said as I spun around to see his naked body running toward his dresser.

"Just relax. I'll be right back."

"Fine, I'll just finish myself," I pouted as I laid on my back and started rubbing myself.

"Will you stop being so stubborn," he said lightheartedly.

"No, I'm too stubborn to stop being stubborn," I said as I rubbed myself more frantically.

"Emily, I swear to God, if you come before I get back to that bed –"

"What? Are you gonna spank me?" I teased as I looked up to see him watching me.

"No, I'm going to sing Little Mermaid songs until your ears bleed," he said as the drawer slammed shut and he hurried back over.

He handed me his purple scarf.

"Are you blindfolding me? Tying me to the bed?" I purred.

"Not this time, but hang on to those ideas for later. Get back into position," he said.

"Yes, sir," I said making him roll his eyes.

I got back on my hands and knees and nearly yelped when I felt his tongue run along my throbbing pussy a few times.

"I'm still wet," I said.

"Well, I wanted to be sure. I don't want to hurt you," he said before slipping back inside of me.

"Thank you," I groaned.

"For being considerate or being back inside of you?" he asked as his hands ran up my back before trailing back down to my hips.

"Both."

Holding me firmly in place, he began to move in and out again. The sound of him pounding into me was intoxicating. The slapping of our skin, the feeling of his balls smacking into me, his moan of enjoyment all made this moment incredible.

"You make me feel so good," I sighed as he moved faster.

"You do the same," he said breathlessly as he adjusted and hit me at a new angle.

His hands roamed my body as he pushed us closer to our release. As usual, he knew just when I needed that extra bit more and his hand wrapped around me to massage my clit. I let out a squeal and suddenly, the scarf was shoved into my mouth.

I thought I should be offended by this, but it was actually fucking hot. He was fucking me so good and so hard that I couldn't silence myself so a gag was needed. I never needed anything like this with other partners.

I squirmed at the feeling of Spencer's finger tips massaging my clit, while he still pounded into me. I could feel myself at the edge. My muscles tightening as he touched me exactly how I liked it.

"Yes, yes, almost there baby, shit, almost there," I said though it was muffled by the scarf. "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

With that my body exploded in a flood of warmth and tingling down to my toes. I shook and twitched a bit as I rode out the mind-blowing orgasm. My hand was over Spencer's, holding it tightly against my clit as I helped him stretch out the sensation.

My head flopped down onto my pillow, my ass still aimed up at Spencer. He was moving more purposefully now, trying to reach his climax. It only took another minute of hard thrusts, before he grunted out a "fuuuuuuuuck" and I felt him fill me.

I dropped completely on the bed the moment he pulled out of me and he flopped down next to me, face up.

"My Lord you are brilliant in bed," I sighed.

"I wouldn't say that," he chuckled.

"Spencer, I'm not saying I'm a whore, but I've seen plenty of dicks in my day and none of them have ever made me feel the way you do."

"Thanks … I think," he said squinting at me in confusion.

"It's a compliment, I promise," I said as I rolled over and pressed my lips to his. "You and I have the most incredible, earth shattering sex."

"It's because you are my soulmate," he said catching me off guard.

I looked into his eyes as he stared calmly into mine. As though he hadn't just dropped that gigantic romantic bombshell.

"But … you think … me?" I was speechless.

My mind immediately going to Claire. How could he think I'm his soulmate? Claire was him in a girl's body. She was more his soulmate than I was. I felt his hand gently caress my cheek. I looked back into his eyes.

"I did a lot of thinking while I was away and Mom and I had some pretty deep conversations. Some of the best conversations I think we ever had. Anyway, the more we talked the more I realized that everything happens for a reason. Nothing is by chance.

There is a reason, that someone who was never late to work missed the train on the morning of September 11. It may seem horrible that some people's fate ends the way it does, but it's not by accident. Everything happens to forge a path.

Emily, the moment I met you I was captivated. I always wanted to impress you and protect you and if you look closely you felt the same way. Think back to when I was hooked on Dilaudid. Why did you, the new person, care more than those who were practically my family?

What about Benjamin Cyrus? You risked your life to protect me. On the flight home, you grabbed my hand and held it. No one touched me. I wasn't the guy people held hands with. I was the germaphobe nerd, that everyone enjoyed teasing."

I went to protest, but he held his hand up to stop me.

"It's ok. I always held a flame for you, but just assumed it was a harmless crush. You were the sexy bad ass agent, and I was the Brainiac who fawned over you. I never thought it could be a reality.

But what we have, what I feel when I'm with you, whether sexual or not, is a bond beyond understanding. When we are one, everything is perfection. The planets are aligned and we are where we were meant to be."

"The star," I said suddenly.

"The star?"

"The story you told on the plane about the star that fell and broke and the prince put it back together to show the maiden his undying love for her. You put that star back together and handed it to me," I said softly.

"At the time you didn't realize that. You were just annoyed I solved it so quickly. I fixed that star for you, Emily," he said with a small smile.

"Wow, and I responded like an ass hole," I said with a frown.

"No, you didn't. You just responded the way you were supposed to. It wasn't our time. Had you understood my message, I never would've met Claire. Had I never met Claire, I wouldn't have Lenora. Everything happens for a reason, shitty or not," he said.

"Well, I am forever grateful to whatever brought us together," I said as I moved closer. "I love you more than life itself."

I pressed my lips against his gently. A few gentle kisses later, he broke apart and sighed.

"I love you too, my fair maiden," he said.

I smiled as I pushed him down into the bed and climbed on top of him. Our kisses growing deeper and filled with more desire.

"Hope you are ready for round two, cause that kind of talk really deserves a celebration," I grinned.

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: as requested – a little makeup scene :) Hope you enjoyed! Thanks as always for the amazing comments! xoxo_


	15. Chapter 15

-SPENCER-

The following morning was blissful. Emily and I woke up early and made love again before getting up to make breakfast for Lenora. As we cooked, Christmas music played gently in the background. Emily insisted, even though December 1st was still four days away.

Bing Crosby sang _White Christmas_ as Emily cut fruit and I flipped pancakes. We heard the sound of nails tapping across the wood floor as Lulubelle made her presence known in the kitchen. Meaning Lenora was only a few steps behind her.

"Good morning, rascal," I said to the puppy as she nipped at my ankle.

"Dad, her names not rascal."

I looked over my shoulder to see Lenora yawning, her crazy morning hair resembled mine.

"Good morning to you animal," I said making Emily giggle.

"Daaaaadddd," she whined.

"Sorry, you got blessed with my locks darling. You look like a Muppet," I joked.

"Ughhhh, you're so weird," she said as she climbed onto the bar stool to watch us.

"And proud of it," I said with a grin.

Emily smiled at me and gave me a quick chaste kiss. Her eyes telling me she loved how weird I was.

"Are you feeling better, Emily?" Lenora asked.

We looked questioningly at one another, before she turned her confusion to Lenora.

"Why do you ask, sweetie?"

"I heard you moaning last night. It sounded like you had an awful tummy bug," she said with a frown.

I burst out laughing as Emily glared at me.

"Uh, yeah, I'm feeling much better today, thank you," she said as Lenora stared at the two of us.

"Looks like you'll need that scarf more often," I whispered, making her playfully elbow me.

"Who's ready for breakfast?" she said as she carried the bowl of fruit to the table.

(xxxxx)

Christmas was here in the blink of an eye. Lenora was spoiled rotten with gifts from not only Emily and me, but the entire team as well. During the time off, it was decided I would home school Lenora. She refused to go back to school and I feared for her safety, so I allowed it. It's not like I wasn't smarter than her teachers.

I stopped working in the office and did my share at home full time now. Emily hired Tara Lewis to add extra hands on cases. It seemed that everything was falling beautifully in to place, but as always, life had other plans for me.

In January, Mom seemed to be getting sicker. She was no longer responding to her Schizophrenia medication and her memory was deteriorating. I made a few phone calls, pulled a few strings, and was able to get her into a trial program in Houston, Texas.

At first this seemed to be the solution. She was healthy enough by the second month that she was allowed to go on a group trip to the Grand Canyon. I was relieved, but sadly only two months later, she was behaving the same as she had in Bennington.

I was running out of ideas, but determined to do what I could to save my Mom. I had failed her once by putting her in Bennington. I wasn't going to fail her again. So, that May I made a decision that would change our lives forever.

(xxxxx)

"You what?" Emily said in shock.

"I moved Mom in with Lenora and me," I repeated.

"Spencer, what in the world are you thinking?" she said frustrated.

"The trial wasn't working, Em. She was getting the placebo. I can't just leave her there to suffer. I had to do something," I defended.

"So, why not move her back to Bennington?"

"Because they already gave her room away to someone on the waiting list. But it doesn't matter, no one will take care of her as well as I will. She will be much happier with Lenora and me," I said.

I heard Emily sigh. She didn't respond right away. I know she was trying to calm herself to think clearly.

"I know being with you makes her happy, but Spence, you already work full time, teach full time, and now you are going to be a care-giver to your very sick mother? That is a lot of pressure to put on your plate," she finally said.

"I know that, but Lenora will help and she's smart enough to do most of her own schoolwork. It'll be fine, you'll see," he assured me.

"Where is she going to sleep?"

"In my room."

"Where are you going to sleep?"

"On the couch."

"Wow, that's going to be great for our sex life," she muttered.

"It will be fine. We will still get time alone –"

"How? You know what little time we get with my job and now you throw an extra person in to the mix –"

"Why are you making this about you? This has nothing to do with us. It has to do with my Mother's quality of life," I said angrily.

"I realize that it's not about me, but you are kidding yourself if you think this isn't going to affect others. In a matter of months, your Mom has been uprooted twice. Lenora is going to have to watch her Grandmother suffer through a very hurtful, upsetting disease. You are going to have the weight of the world on your shoulders. So, forgive me if I look at the bigger picture," she snapped.

"Look, I called to tell you what was going on. I'm not changing my mind and you can either be a part of this or not. It's your choice," I said, completely over this conversation.

"Spencer, this is not all or nothing. Of course, I will support you no matter what," she said.

"Then support me and stop treating me like a child," I said before I hung up.

"Daddy? Are you ok?"

I turned to see Lenora snuggling Lulubelle behind me. I gave her a fake smile.

"Everything's fine. Emily and I just had a disagreement," I said.

"About Grandma?"

"Yea, but it's ok. Nothing for you to worry about," I assured her. "You wanna take Lulubelle for a walk?"

"Ok, I'll go get Grandma and see if she wants to come too," she said walking away.

I walk would be good for us. We all needed some fresh air. Everything would be alright. This would be good for Mom. Emily would see. I made the right decision.

(xxxxx)

I made the right decision. This had become a phrase I said to myself more often than not. I had convinced Emily twice now that I was meeting with different medical professionals regarding Mom, when I was really crossing the border to Mexico to obtain herbal remedies not approved in the United States from a woman I met in Texas.

Nadie Ramos was an underground worker for holistic remedies that she claimed got people killed in the US because the medical industry didn't want to lose money on the drugs they distributed. I didn't bother to get involved with all the conspiracy behind the idea. I just wanted to try anything and Nadie assured me that she had dozens of buyers who claimed to see improvements in their loved ones.

So, every three months, I was scheduled to meet her in Matamoros at some sleezy dump motel. I'd give her money, she'd give me the vials, and our business would be done. I knew this was a huge risk, but it's not like I was buying drugs or murdering someone. I just wanted to help my Mom.

Things were getting worse for her. Her memory was in and out. I hoped and prayed every night that this remedy would help.

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: Alright, bear with me. I KNOW you all dislike season 12's Reid storyline, but I really want to explore his, Emily's, and Lenora's emotions with it. PLUS, I will be adding in some characters that I wished would have been around to help during that time. I hope you will still read this and enjoy it!_


	16. Chapter 16

-LENORA-

I loved having Grandma live with us, but it was a little scary sometimes. Dad said she suffered from two diseases, Schizophrenia and Alzheimer's. Schizophrenia made her very paranoid that someone was out to get her, while Alzheimer's made her forget who we were.

The first time she forgot who I was I thought it was a joke and laughed. She got so angry at me that she started screaming bad words at me and yelling for the police. Emily rushed me into my bedroom, while Dad took Grandma into his bedroom. Emily said he would give her some medicine that would calm her down.

I didn't mean to cry, but it had caught me off guard. I had never heard Grandma yell like that, especially not at me. The sadness on Dad's face when he came in to check on me was worse though. I didn't want him to be sad.

Most of the time it was easy to pretend everything was fine. I would put headphones on and listen to music or take Lulubelle for a walk. Some days Grandma was her normal self and we would enjoy each other's company. It was only on the days when she had what Dad called her "episodes", that I avoided her as much as possible.

One of the worst episodes had to be the day I was supposed to go to Henry's for a sleepover. Grandma had been taking a nap, while I studied Ancient Egypt. Emily was away on a case, so Dad was at his desk reading over paperwork Aunt Penny sent him.

"Dad, did you know that Egyptian pharaohs were mostly overweight from their diet of beer, wine, bread, and honey? Many of them suffered from diabetes. That's weird considering they are always depicted as thin in paintings and sculptures," I said.

Dad looked up at me with a faraway gaze.

"That's interesting," he said, though I doubted he even processed what I said.

He looked at his watch before getting out of his chair.

"I'm going to go check on Grandma. Why don't you take a break and get yourself a snack?" he suggested.

"Ok," I agreed as I slipped out of my chair and went to the kitchen.

While I was making myself peanut butter and jelly crackers, I heard yelling from Grandma's room.

"STOP!"

"STAY AWAY FROM ME! LEAVE ME ALONE"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GIVE IT TO ME!"

"FOR GODSAKE LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"MOM!"

I peered around the corner of the kitchen to see Grandma racing for the door in her pink robe as Dad grabbed her arm.

"Mom, stop! Why did you do that? Why?" he asked her angrily.

"Because I hate that stuff and I hate you!" Grandma growled at him.

"Do you have any idea what I went through to get that medicine Mom? It can't be replaced. Do you realize that?" he said as he held tightly to both her wrists.

"Good, I wanna go back home," she replied.

"This is home!"

"No it isn't! I wanna go back to where I was before!" she said sadly.

"Houston? You hated Houston?"

"No! I wanna go back to where I was before before!" she shouted as she yanked her arms away from Daddy.

And then she did the one thing that absolutely terrified me. She swung her hand back and slapped Daddy in the face. I ran back into the kitchen and hid behind the counter. What if she came to hit me next?

I heard a door slam as tears streamed down my face. I was so scared and I didn't know what to do. Who left? Did Grandma leave? Daddy wouldn't have left me alone with her, would he? I wanted Emily. I wanted Mommy. I wanted anyone in the world right now, if they would just come get me out of this house.

(xxxxx)

I'm not sure how long I sat in the kitchen with my knees to my chest and my head buried in my knees, but I eventually felt a hand touch my shoulder and I jumped in fear.

"Shh, it's ok, Lenny. It's just me," Daddy said softly.

I tried to be strong for him, but I couldn't help it. I started crying. He scooped me into his arms like he had when I was young and held me tightly as I sobbed into his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered as he carried me to my room.

He gently placed me on my bed, then scooped a cowering Lulubelle up to place her with me. He gently stroked my hair as I curled on my side and cuddled Lulu.

"I'm so sorry you had to see that," he said sadly. "I promise I will make this better."

I didn't say anything or acknowledge him. He probably thought I was mad at him, but I was afraid. I was afraid to see where Grandma had hit him. I didn't want to see it. I wanted to believe it didn't happen.

"I love you Lenora and so does Grandma. I hope you know she didn't mean to hurt me. She doesn't know she is doing that," he said.

I still didn't say anything. I just squeezed my eyes shut and tried to fall asleep. If I was asleep I could escape this nightmare. Eventually I felt Daddy kiss my head before he got up and left the room, shutting the door. I kept my eyes closed until I eventually fell asleep.

(xxxxx)

I woke up to a pitch-black room. I looked at the clock and saw it was just after midnight. I had been asleep for 6 hours and slept right through dinner. I got up and peeked out my bedroom door. There was a light on in the living room and I could hear hushed voices talking.

I slipped out of my room, careful to leave Lulubelle in the bedroom, and tiptoed down the hallway. Dad and Emily sat facing each other in the living room. They were both talking about what happened today.

"I don't know what to do. I screwed up. I just wanted to help Mom and all I've done is traumatize my daughter and mentally break my Mother," he said.

"You didn't mentally break your Mother. Her episodes happen whether you she is here, Houston, or Bennington. As for Lenora, she will be ok. We will talk to her and just like you she will recover from this," Emily assured him.

"Really? Because I don't know if I've ever recovered from this. Em, her nickname for me growing up was crash, because she thought I was clumsy. She had no idea my injuries were from her attacking me. Besides being beat up at school, I got beat up at home too."

Emily looked shocked by this news. I felt so bad for Dad. If I felt afraid watching this happen, I can't imagine how he must've felt as a child having it happen over and over, with no safe place to go.

"Oh, Spence. I'm sorry, I had no idea."

"No one does or did. It's just something I learned to deal with because I knew that wasn't my Mother hitting me. I knew it was her disease and I didn't want someone to take her away or punish her for something she had no control over."

Wow! Dad was the bravest person in the entire world. How could he just pretend that none of this ever happened? I could barely handle Grandma's outbursts, let alone silently deal with her beating me. I had a new-found respect for Dad and wanted to show him I was just as brave as he was.

"Dad," I said as I walked into the room.

Both he and Emily jumped up as if ready to protect me from a monster or one of their unsubs.

"Hey, sweetheart, are you ok?" Dad asked with worry in his eyes.

"Yea, I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm kind of hungry. Can I have something to eat?" I asked.

"Absolutely, I'm sorry I didn't wake you for dinner, but I figured you needed some rest," Dad said still looking worried.

"No problem. I did need some rest. I feel much better now," I said with a smile.

Dad looked at Emily before they both looked back to me.

"Are you sure you're ok? Do you want to talk about what happened today?" Emily said gently.

"No, I'm fine now. It just startled me, but I know that wasn't Grandma that it was just her sickness. She didn't mean to hurt Daddy," I said as brave as I could.

Again, Dad and Emily looked at one another. They seemed confused or maybe in disbelief. To further prove my bravery, I sighed.

"Seriously, I'm fine. I just really want something to eat. Can I please?"

"I'll make you a sandwich," Dad said as he walked off toward the kitchen.

While I ate my dinner, I told Emily and Dad what I learned about Egypt today. This time, Dad really listened and even shared his own facts that I hadn't read in the book. Emily seemed to be enjoying the conversation, until she looked at her watch.

"Lenny, it's going on 2 o'clock. You should try to go back to sleep. I know it will be difficult after napping, but maybe lay in bed listening to music or read a book," she suggested.

"Ok," I said as I stood up and gave them both hugs.

"Love you guys," I said as I walked off with them repeating my sentiment.

I climbed into bed feeling a lot better. I was brave like Dad. Everything would be ok now. I just knew it.

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: thanks for the comments! Again, I know this isn't a favorite of everyone, but I hope you will stick with the story because it will be significantly shorter than TV and I have some things I'm going to add that I hope will make you guys happy! Also, remember, I always do happy endings – so the drama doesn't last long! Xoxo_

 _*There is dialogue that comes straight out of Season 12 Episode 11 – it was written by Bruce Zimmerman._

 _*The Egyptian pharaoh fact comes from History . com_


	17. Chapter 17

-EMILY-

I stared at my phone in disbelief. I had already been feeling nauseous and now I could feel the bile sitting in my throat. I swallowed it down as I pressed a button on the office phone.

"Dave, I need you in my office immediately," I said when he had answered.

This had to be a nightmare. I had to be dreaming. There was no way this was happening. The door to my office opened and Dave hurried in with concern. He shut the door behind him and walked over to my desk.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Cruz just called," I said pausing.

I couldn't say it. The words were stuck. Once I spoke them this would be true. It would be out there and our entire world would crash around me.

"Emily, what happened?"

I looked up at him with tears welling in my eyes. I could see him watching me with fear reflecting back. I took a deep breath, rubbed my face with my hands, and swallowed down my feelings. Time to put compartmentalizer Emily into action.

"Spencer has been arrested in Mexico," I said more calmly than I expected.

"What?" his face dropped in complete shock.

I think we would all be less surprised to hear that pigs have wings and can fly, than Spencer was in jail.

"Apparently, he crossed the border for some reason and was arrested for possession and intent to sell, Cocaine and Heroin."

Not just flying pigs, but dogs and cats too. This was just so out of this world for Spencer, that it made no sense.

"There has to be some kind of mistake. Spencer wouldn't do anything like this. Someone has to be framing him," Dave tried to assure me, and I'm sure himself as well.

"I need to get to Mexico immediately and find out what happened," I said getting up.

"I'll go with you and it may help to have Luke and Matt go with us. Their past job expertise may be useful and we'll need all the help we can get," he said.

I agreed as we walked out to brief the group. It didn't take long for us to all jump into action. I took a quick detour to the restroom, where I was grateful to find it empty. Leaning over the toilet, I let go of all my breakfast.

About halfway through getting sick, I heard the door open and the sound of high heels clicking across the tile.

"Emily?"

It was Garcia. I finished retching before responding to her. I wiped my mouth and walked out of the stall to find her looking at me with worried eyes.

"I'm fine. I just needed to let that go," I said as I rinsed my mouth in the sink.

I looked up to see her holding a piece of gum out for me. I took it and gave her a thankful gesture.

"It's gonna be ok. This is a mistake. Reid would never sell drugs," she said softly.

"I know. We just need to find out why he was in Mexico when he was supposed to be in Texas," I said as I walked out of the bathroom.

"I will get on it right now and call you when I find out more," she said before grabbing my arm.

I stopped and turned, her arms immediately wrapped around me. I gave in and hugged her back.

"We'll get through this," she said.

I nodded and gave her a small smile before going to get my things to leave for Mexico.

(xxxxx)

The flight was agony. Garcia had received the arresting report which only managed to make everything more confusing. Spencer had led the police on a high-speed chase doing 90, was found with cocaine and heroin in the trunk along with ten-grand in cash, and to add a cherry to the top, he was high on something.

There was no way after all these years of being sober that Spencer would destroy that by doing drugs. My head was pounding as I desperately tried to figure out what was happening. This was by far the most realistic nightmare I'd ever had. I kept hoping and praying to wake up, but it never happened.

We finally arrived at the jail holding Spencer. I kept myself focused on the task in front of me and forced myself to avoid any personal thoughts. We were greeted by the lead investigator Mario Casteneda, the man who had contacted Cruz once he was made aware of who Spencer was.

"Officer Casteneda," I said shaking his hand. "I'm Agent Prentiss, this is Agents Rossi, Alvez, and Simmons."

"Thank you for coming," he said. "Your friend has gotten himself into quite a mess. My officers received a call about a stolen vehicle and when they found the car, your agent was driving it. He was trying to flee to the border. They found Cocaine and Heroin in the trunk along with $10,000 in American money," he explained.

"What was his explanation?" I asked.

"He has no explanation. He is too high," Casteneda said.

"May we speak with him a moment?"

"Yes, I'm going to go see if the results are back from the drug test yet," he replied before walking off.

Just a short distance away, in a large cell lined with rows of wooden benches, sat a scared and broken Spencer. He wore a plaid green shirt and jeans that were both filthy. His arms wrapped around his middle and he was looking in the opposite direction of us.

"Reid," Luke called out.

Spencer's head turned towards us and he stared. He looked at us all with a completely lost gaze.

"It's me, Luke," he clarified.

Spencer seemed to be thinking it over. Finally, he said "Luke," and stood up to come closer to the bars.

"Thank you for coming," he said barely audible.

He looked at each of us and my heart shattered at the realization that he had no idea who we were. My stomach knotted again, and I could feel it threatening to expel whatever might be left inside of me. I took a deep breath and placed my hand on the bars.

"Spencer, what happened?"

He looked at me for an uncomfortably long moment.

"I don't know … but," he rolled up the sleeve of his shirt. "I came here to see Rosa Medina."

Luke took his phone and snapped a photo, before hurrying off to send it to Garcia.

"Do you remember where you met her?" Dave asked.

Spencer closed his eyes to think, but opened them with the same blank expression.

"I don't remember," he said softly.

"You've lost time?" I said, gaining his attention again.

"Yea. I get flashes of things, but none of it makes sense," he said.

"You were drugged," I told him.

"Yea, but I didn't take it. It was forced on me," he insisted in that same stoned-tone.

"Spencer, we know that. We know you wouldn't do that," I said.

He nodded as Luke came rushing back over with his cell phone.

"Is this her?" he asked holding up the phone.

Spencer stared at the phone for a moment and then slowly nodded his head. Luke turned to us and showed us the phone.

"This is Nadie Ramos. Garcia sent coordinates to a hotel where her phone signal is coming from."

"Dave take Matt and Luke with you. I'm going to stay here and see if I can get any more information out of Casteneda," I said.

They all nodded and hurried off. I turned back around to face Spencer who was watching me mindlessly. I gave him a small smile.

"Are you ok?" I asked.

"Not really. I keep having all these flashbacks and I feel lightheaded," he said licking his dry lips.

"That's the drugs. It will wear off, I promise," I said.

He didn't say much after that. He just stood there watching me as if something was suddenly going to happen. I noticed the bandage on his hand.

"I suppose you don't know what happened to your hand?" I asked him.

He shook his head no.

"Do you know anything about who you are?"

Again, he shook his head.

"Does the name Lenora sound familiar?"

He furrowed his brow and then looked up trying to remember. Finally, he shook his head no. I pursed my lips as I tried not to get upset.

"You don't remember me either," I said knowing that answer.

"I work with you," he said slowly. "Don't I?"

"Yea, you do. But … never mind. Why don't you go relax? I'll stay here in case anything comes up."

He watched me carefully for a moment, before turning and walking back to a bench where he plopped down to wait for his high to come down.

(xxxxx)

It wasn't long until the news for Spencer got worse. He was now being charged in the murder of Nadie Ramos, who's body had been found at the hotel Spencer was last seen at. By the time this had been discovered, Spencer was starting to gain back more of his memory.

He remembered meeting Nadie and being attacked by someone who came in the door. He tried to protect Nadie, but was being sprayed by something that disoriented him. His hand had been cut by a knife that he slapped out of the intruder's hand. The high-speed chase was to stop the intruder from getting away, which ultimately happened anyway.

I had tried to conduct an interview with him, but it only incriminated him more. I knew Spencer was innocent. There was no way he would ever kill someone. So, I did the one thing I swore I would never do and I broke the law. I erased the tape of our conversation and claimed I had never recorded the conversation to begin with.

In a stroke of luck, Tara found out that Nadie was a citizen of the United States, which Matt used to get approval for us to extradite him back home. He wouldn't have to go to a Mexican prison! We were able to take him home and fight our battle on home turf.

On the flight back, I sat quietly in the back trying to relax. It had been a horrible day and I knew it was just the beginning. I looked up when I saw Spencer slowly walking toward me. Though he wasn't high anymore, he looked awful. His eyes were sunken and bruised. His clothes and his entire body looked ragged and filthy.

"May I?" he asked softly as he pointed next to me.

I nodded and scooted closer to the window. When he sat I got a whiff of him, he smelled atrocious too. Dirt, sweat, drugs, and God knows what else.

"Your eyes are clearer," I said.

"Yea, I'm feeling better," he said giving me a gentle smile that I returned.

We were quiet for a few moments. He looked around to see if anyone was listening, then turned back to look at me. His forehead wrinkled with worry.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"I know."

"I really screwed up and I don't know what's going to happen now," he said as his lip trembled.

I grabbed his hand and held it tightly.

"We will figure this out. You aren't alone now. You have all of us and we will fight for you," I assured him.

"What am I going to do about Mom and Lenora?" he asked.

"For now, I'll help take care of them and I'm sure the others will help until we get you home in a few days."

"Emily, I'm just so sorry," he said as tears slipped from his eyes.

I wrapped my arms around him and held him tightly. I couldn't imagine how frightening this must be for him. He was trying to help his mom and is now being accused of murder. I wanted to whisper words of comfort to him, but I didn't know what to say.

All I could do was hold him tight and pray that this would all be over soon.

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: so I've decided not to write this word for word like the episodes. I am going to do it similar to this chapter. Hopefully, you are all ok with that. It will still be the same storyline, but focused more on one person's (Emily, Spencer, or Lenora) point of view._

 _Anyway, I hope you like this chapter. I will be combining a lot of the episodes into one chapter, so this won't drag on forever. I may skip scenes, if it doesn't progress my story along and I may add stuff if I think it works._

 _Thank you for sticking with me! Again, hope you liked it! xoxo_


	18. Chapter 18

-EMILY-

It was time for Spencer's case to be brought before the judge. What started off as something that should have been easy, had progressively gotten more difficult. The first offer was to plead guilty and get two to five years in prison. Not something I wanted to hear, but two years was better than life, right?

But, Spencer was innocent, so he shouldn't spend any time in prison. So, he declined the offer. Of course, a few hours later, we got a call that the murder weapon was found, with Spencer's finger prints all over it. Fucking fantastic. Now the offer was up to 25 years.

It seemed like things couldn't get any worse, but as usual they most certainly did. The team piled into the courtroom when his case was called. I sat directly behind him and his lawyer, a friend of mine, Fiona Duncan. I listened as Spencer pleaded not guilty.

I watched as Fiona and the other attorney battled over whether Spencer should be allowed to be placed on house arrest until the trial. The other attorney was ruthless. He didn't know Spencer at all and yet he talked about him and my team as though we were nothing more than common thugs. Finally, the judge interrupted the back and forth with her decision. Spencer was going to prison until his trial.

My heart and jaw dropped. This couldn't be happening. Spencer spun around to look at me. His face showing shock at the verdict. An officer appeared next to Spencer and placed handcuffs on him. There was no goodbye. No chance for me to hug him and tell him I loved him.

I watched as he was lead out of the courtroom. Suddenly, there was nothing around me. I couldn't hear or see anything other than Spencer being taken away from me. He watched me until he was taken through the door and I couldn't see him any longer.

I pushed my way through the crowd and hurried from the courtroom. Bursting through the doors I ran down the hallway until I was outside in the fresh air. Leaning over the railing, I once again vomited as tears streamed down my cheeks.

I felt someone gently rubbing my back as I dropped to the ground on my knees.

"What am I going to do? Oh my God, what am I going to do?" I sobbed.

Arms wrapped around me and held me tight as I wept. All I could think about was the look on Spencer's face. Spencer Reid didn't belong in prison!

"Oh God, Lenora and Diana," I cried.

"We will help you. Don't worry."

The mystery person holding me was Dave, but glancing up at him, I saw all the others standing there as well. Garcia was being held by Luke, while J.J. leaned into Matt's arms. Tara stood close by with her hand on J.J.'s shoulder.

I didn't know what I was going to do, but at least I had them. Spencer had no one. All I knew for sure is we were going to have to work hard to find out who was framing him. There wasn't much time to clear his name and now it was more important than ever.

(xxxxx)

I walked into Spencer's apartment with J.J. Will had graciously offered to stay at the house with Diana and Lenora while we were in court. Without a word, he placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. I could see the empathy written all over his face.

Lenora and Henry came running into the room. Both of them were laughing as Lulubelle chased behind them, trying to catch up.

"Emily, your back! Where's Dad?" Lenora asked as she wrapped her arms around my middle.

"Um, he needed to stay away a little bit longer," I said.

"Why?" she frowned.

"We'll talk about it in a minute, ok?"

She nodded as she scooped up Lulubelle. We said our goodbyes to J.J., Will, and Henry, before settling into the living room, where Diana sat reading a book.

"We need to talk," Emily said slowly.

Diana peered over her book, wondering if I was speaking to her or Lenora.

"Both of you," I clarified.

"Is everything alright with Spencer?" Diana asked as she closed her book.

"Yes, he's ok," I said.

I had been back and forth over what to do. Do I tell them the truth or do I tell them a lie? It didn't seem like either answer was a good one. Spencer never discussed what he would want me to do, since we never imagined he'd end up in prison.

"But he's going to be away for a little while," I said.

"On a case?" Lenora asked.

"Sort of. He's doing some undercover work and it may take a while. We are all doing our best to get him home as quickly as possible," I partially fibbed.

Diana stared at me curiously. I knew that stare. Spencer did it to me all the time when he questioned what I was saying. Lenora looked confused.

"Will I be able to talk to him?" she wondered.

"No, but you can write him letters," I told her.

"Who will take care of me?" she said with worry in her eyes.

"I will and when I can't we have lots of people who have offered to help out," I explained.

"And me?" Diana said.

"Well, I've made a few calls and if you are willing, I can get you back into Bennington," I said hesitantly.

I worried about this decision. I didn't want to anger her and I certainly didn't want to anger Spencer, but there was no way I could take care of her on my own during all of this. I considered hiring an at home nurse, but that still meant me being responsible for her well-being, along with Lenora's, along with Spencer's, along with teams … it was just too much! As it was, I was barely hanging on.

"Thank God," Diana sighed.

My eyes opened in surprise and she noticed immediately.

"I want to go home. I love being with Spencer and Lenora, but I'm feeling out of my element here," she explained.

"Ok, well, whenever you are ready to go home, we will get you there," I told her.

"I'll pack my bags tonight. I'd like to be home by tomorrow," she said as she got up and rushed from the room.

I smiled in relief. That was one less thing to worry about, but when I saw the sadness on Lenora's face, my smile faded.

"What's wrong sweetheart?"

"First, Daddy and now Grandma," she said.

"I know this is difficult for you, but I promise to do all I can to make it fun for you. Just think of all the girl time we'll get to have," I said.

I was trying to be positive, even though on the inside I was terrified.

"Ok," she said getting up and walking toward her bedroom.

"Where are you going?"

"To write Daddy a letter," she sighed as she trudged down the hallway.

I put my head in my hands and tried to take deep breaths. My stomach still in knots. My head pounding. All I wanted to do was curl up in bed and cry. Instead I stood up and made my way to the kitchen to begin cooking.

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: hope you are enjoying my spin on things. I'm getting closer to revealing one of the big changes from the shows version. Hope you'll like it! Thanks for commenting! I always look forward to that! xoxo_


	19. Chapter 19

-SPENCER-

Welcome back to high school. It was as though I'd stepped back in time. I could see all the popular inmates staring me down like a fresh piece of meat they were going to slaughter. The only difference between high school and prison? It was likely I would be slaughtered in prison.

I tried to stay to myself. I made friends with one inmate named Delgado. He reminded me of a mouse lost in a maze. He was very skittish and easily spooked and he even spent the entire bus ride here crying. I was smart enough to know you don't let the others see you cry. I saved that for bedtime.

There was also a guy I recognized from the FBI, Calvin Shaw. He was friendly to me, but I felt a bit suspicious of him. I didn't understand why he wanted to hang out with me so badly, when it was clear he was one of the respected inmates. But who was I to kick a gift horse in the mouth?

My first night here I already found myself in serious trouble. I had unintentionally offended a group of inmates who wanted me to side with them because I was white. I didn't want to pick sides and be in any clicks. I just wanted to keep my head down and get the hell out of here.

They took my decline as an insult and decided to attack me when the lights went out. One of them shoved a sock in my mouth – dirty, I might add – while the other one tied my arms behind my back. They dragged me from the room as I tried to scream for help. Which was pointless. No one gave a shit about me. As long as they weren't in trouble, they didn't care if I was beaten, or even killed.

The leader of the group was about to shank me in the eye when Calvin appeared and ordered them to leave me alone. I didn't know what to say, but I was incredibly grateful that he had appeared when he did. I ran from the room and spent the remainder of the night awake, hoping I wouldn't get attacked again.

The following morning, Calvin showed me more grace and got me a cell. I don't know how he did it, but at least now I'd be safe at night and could get some sleep. We talked about our families and the FBI while we played chess. It was oddly enjoyable. I really liked Calvin. I would be safe with him on my side, which was important if I wanted to get out of this place alive.

(xxxxx)

I had been here a week now and having Calvin as a friend turned out to be a blessing. I was getting by with no troubles and found prison to only be mildly awful.

Today was visitor's day, I wasn't sure what face would be waiting for me, but I hoped that it would be Emily. As I came around the corner, a smile crossed my face as I saw her waiting for me anxiously. She was chewing on her fingernails until she saw me and she smiled at me.

I heard some of the guys making inappropriate comments about her, but I ignored it. I reached across to hug her, but that ass hole guard Wilkins yelled out, "no touching". That guy hated me. I wondered if that was a real rule or if he just did it to give me shit like always.

"How are you?" Emily asked as she sat down across from me.

"I'm ok," I said with a gentle smile. "How's Mom and Lenora?"

"They are both well. I actually brought a letter for you that Lenny wrote. They took it at the entrance, but said they would deliver it to you once they made sure it was safe," she told me as I nodded.

"Are you being safe?" she said concerned.

"I'm trying. I finally got a cell, so at least I don't have to sleep with the masses," I told her.

"Wait … you're supposed to be in protective custody," she said furrowing her brow.

"I know, but the guard over there, Wilkins, he put me in general population and when I tried to tell him there was a mistake he threatened to tell everyone I was … well you know," I whispered the end.

"Are you fucking kidding me? I'll have his head for that," Emily growled.

"No, don't. Please. It'll make things worse. Just let it go. I'm ok right now," I said. "There's this guy, you may remember him, Calvin Shaw."

She shook her head no.

"Well, he used to work …" I trailed off as she nodded her understanding. "He's been helping me. He got me a job in the laundry room, so time passes by a little quicker. He gets me books to read and we play chess together."

"Spence, I'm happy for you, but this guy … what's his motive for helping you?"

A little part of me was irritated that she would assume someone befriending me was concern for ulterior motive. Why couldn't he just like me for me? But, I also knew she was right. This is prison. People don't become best friends in here. They become alliances.

"I'm being careful," I assured her.

"Ok," she said, though the worry was still clear in her eyes.

"So, who's helping you with Mom and Lenora?"

"Well, about that. I … things have been pretty hectic … and although I'm getting lots of help," I stuttered.

"Emily, what's going on?" I interrupted.

I watched her close her eyes and take a deep breath. When she opened them, I could read the trepidation in them.

"Tara flew your Mom back to Bennington. I was able to get them to take her back. She was happy about it and wanted to go back immediately."

I stared in disbelief. The first moment she was in charge of Mom and Lenora, she sent Mom away!

"What about Lenora? Did you put her in boarding school?" I snapped.

"What? No! Spencer –"

"I can't believe you took her back after all I did to get her settled into my home. I'm here because of her. I risked everything to take care of her and you just … I am … I don't even know what to say right now," I stammered.

"Spencer, please. I'm trying to help you, run the team, take care of Lenora. I did what was best for your Mom and she was happy to go back. She wanted to go home," I said.

I didn't know how to deal with this information. I was so stunned by this I couldn't even stand to be in the same room as her at the moment. I got up and walked away. The sound of her calling after me echoing behind me. I didn't care. I wanted to be alone right now. I felt betrayed.

(xxxxx)

I angrily folded the laundry in front of me, not realizing that I was being watched closely by Delgado.

"You ok, man?" he asked.

"Huh? Oh, yeah I'm fine," I said breaking out of my trance.

"You sure? Cause those towels beg to differ."

I dropped the towel and sighed.

"It's a long story –"

"Well, you better give me the short version. I'm supposed to go to the movies in 10 minutes," he said with a smirk.

I gave a small chuckle at his joke.

"My Mom has been living with me for a few weeks, she's actually part of the reason I'm in here," I started.

"You try to kill her or something?"

"No. Nothing like that. She's … she's very sick and I crossed the border to obtain herbal medicine that would supposedly help her. I got caught up in some mess while there and well, here I am."

Delgado nodded his understanding, but didn't ask another question so I continued.

"So, anyway, she's been living with me and after I got locked up, my girlfriend took her back to a health facility rather than take care of her. I feel like everything I did for my Mom has been in vain now that she's back at the facility," I explained.

"That sucks man. I'm sorry," he said.

"I just don't understand why she didn't even try taking care of her. She just gave up and took the easy route."

"Well, devil's advocate here, but that's kind of a lot to ask a girlfriend. I mean, I figure she's already got other commitments and if your Mother is as sick as you say, that's kind of a full-time job," he said as he folded another set of towels.

"I guess so," I said as I let his words sink in.

"Does she work full-time?"

"Yea. Sometimes more than that," I said.

"Does she have kids or any other responsibilities?"

"She's taking care of my daughter," I said as the guilt sunk in.

"Shit man, I get that you love your Mom and want the best for her, but you got your ass locked up in prison and you are going to bitch at your girlfriend for not picking up your slack?"

He was right. I had no right to be angry at Emily for her decision. I left her with a mess and expected her to just clean it up and take care of it. This was my fault and she was doing the best she could to take care of me, the team, Lenora, and Mom. I felt like a royal asshat.

I wanted to thank him when two thugs appeared in the doorway. One was built like a brick wall. He was easily 6 ft 6 and his arm muscle was bigger than my head. The one next to him was leaner, but still quite capable of holding his own.

"Our stash come in yet?" the thinner one said to Delgado.

"Not yet," Delgado said.

"What's taking so long?" thin guy snapped as he grabbed Delgado by his curls.

"Hey! Let him go!" I yelled at them.

"Mind your own business before I shove you in one of those dryers," thin guys said.

He let go of Delgado and gave him a hard shove, knocking him to the floor. I rushed over to help him up.

"You have until tomorrow to get my stuff or you'll be spending the night in the infirmary. Got it?"

Delgado nodded as the meatheads left the room.

"You ok?" I asked as he stood up.

"I'm fine."

"Who are those guys?" I said as he went back to folding.

"Just a couple of idiots. Don't worry about it," he said as he quietly continued with his chores.

(xxxxx)

I've never been one to listen. Mom said I was stubborn since the day I was born. I had come a month early and refused to be deterred no matter what the doctors tried.

I had been warned by Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber to mind my own business, even Shaw said to stay out of it. But I couldn't stay silent knowing my friend had been beaten so severely that he ended up in the infirmary. I decided to tell one of the guards at lunch who had been the culprits of the attack. Shaw wished me luck. Who knew I would need it so badly.

The day started off good. I got to see Emily again and apologize for my outburst. She understood and was relieved that I was no longer angry with her. She told me she was working hard on getting Fiona some additional help and that she had a positive lead on that person. I was grateful for everything she was doing for me.

The rest of the day had been peaceful, but that night my entire life changed.


	20. Chapter 20

-SPENCER-

I sat in my room reading one of the books Calvin had gotten for me, when Frazier and Duerson appeared in my cell doorway.

"What's up snitch?" Frazier said as he stepped into the room.

I closed my book and braced myself for what I imagined was going to come.

"Was that your girlfriend here today?" Frazier grinned.

I didn't answer that. They didn't need to know my personal life.

"She's hot. I'd like to fuck her until she couldn't walk anymore," he said making Duerson laugh.

I stared back at them. Willing myself not to say anything that would amp the situation up any further. Suddenly, Duerson grabbed me by the collar and lifted me off the bed. My back slammed into the wall and just as I yelled out help, a sheet was shoved into my mouth.

I tried to move as I felt Duerson's fist slamming into my stomach over and over again. The next thing I knew I was thrown down on to the bed. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't free myself. I was no match for their strength.

"You are going to learn to keep that pretty little mouth of yours shut," Frazier said as he grabbed a handful of my hair.

"Don't worry, this will only hurt a lot," he growled as Duerson flipped me onto my stomach.

I had no idea what was happening until I felt my pants ripped off. I screamed at the top of my lungs for someone to help me. Where was Calvin when I needed him?

I don't know how long it lasted, but it felt like hours. I had been brutally raped over and over. Sometimes on the bed, sometimes they slammed me against the cold cement wall. My face taking a brunt of the damage.

Finally, it was over. I laid on my mattress completely and utterly shredded. Tears stained my face as I played dead. I just wanted them to leave.

"Remember, don't get in our way, pretty boy," Frazier said before they walked off.

I grabbed the sheet on my bed and curled up underneath of it. Tears poured from my eyes as the pain of what happened started to set in. I had to get out of here. Someone had to save me. I didn't belong in this world. I continued to cry until exhaustion set in and I finally passed out.

(xxxxx)

I had nothing left in me when I woke the next morning. I hurt so bad, I didn't even want to get up. But that wasn't an option. I had to continue as if nothing had ever happened. Frazier and Duerson had taken what little hope I had left in this place and destroyed it.

I was a hollow shell. I spent much of the next week silently going about my day. Barely eating. Barely sleeping. Just doing what I needed to do and keeping my head down as I had originally promised.

I shouldn't have gone to visitation. Garcia was a wreck when she saw me. I wanted to assure her everything was fine and not to worry, but what was the point in lying. She could see the injuries that were healing on my face. I regret letting her see me hurt like that though because I know she will hurt now and that was something I didn't want.

I had been here about a month and a half and at the moment, it was ticking by slowly. I missed Lenora so deeply that I tried not to even think about her. I never read her letters. They sat in a pile under my mattress. I just couldn't think about her. It hurt too much.

It was a rainy day and I was curled in my bunk feeling miserable when one of the guards pulled me out for a meeting with my lawyer. Not surprising, word got out about my mistreatment so now they were trying to cover their tracks and let me have private visits with Fiona.

However, when the door opened to the private room, it wasn't Fiona waiting for me. I don't know if I was relieved or embarrassed or what, but either way I had not been expecting his face.

"Hotch?" I said in disbelief.

"Emily tracked me down and told me what was going on," he said, stoic as always.

I was at a loss of words. Did I ask how he was doing? Was he mad that he had to be here? Was he out of hiding now? Was he back for good?

"Sit down," he said and I obeyed. "Garcia said you had an altercation with some inmates?"

I nodded, but didn't go in depth about what happened.

"I've been in touch with the warden. I'm trying to get you put into protective custody as you should've been in the first place," he said.

"Hotch, I'm glad to see you, but … why are you here?"

"I've been working with Fiona to get you out of here. Being a former prosecutor, I have some insight that could be of value. That being said let's talk about what happened in Mexico," he said.

"I've already told everyone what I remember," I sighed.

"Reid, there has to be more you remember that you are blocking out."

"Hotch, I was drugged. I don't know what happened. It all comes in flashes," I said frustrated.

"Humor me. Close your eyes and let's go through the events together," he said.

I reluctantly agreed.

"I met Nadie as usual at the motel. She gave me the vials for Mom when something outside startled her. I looked out the window with her when the door burst open. Someone dressed in black came rushing in the room and hit me with something.

I blacked out and when I woke up I could see the person attacking Nadie. I crawled over to help her, but I was very disoriented. I slapped a knife out of the attacker's hand and when I tried to grab it, I cut my hand," I retold.

"That's it?"

"That's it. Next thing I remember I was in some dirty jail cell," I said opening my eyes.

"I still think there is more, but we'll stop here for today. I have a meeting with the judge from your case. We are trying to get you released until the trial," he stated.

I wouldn't get my hopes up.

"I know this is hard on you, but I promise we will get you out of here," he said softly. "And I'm sorry about Claire."

I looked up at him and tears instantly filled my eyes. Of anyone, Hotch would understand the loss of a spouse. My lip trembled as I stared at him.

"I wish I could've been there for you, but I'm here now if you ever need someone to talk to. Same goes for Lenora," he said.

"Thank you," I managed to mutter.

He nodded and immediately transformed back into business.

"I'll be in touch with you soon. Just keep your head down as much as possible," he said as I stood up and knocked on the door, indicating we were finished.

The guard opened the door and I looked at Hotch one more time before being led away to my cell.

(xxxxx)

As it sank in more, I was relieved Hotch was here to help me. I had great faith that with him on the case, I would be out of here in no time. Though I can't say I wasn't disappointed when I found out they still couldn't get me released prior to the trial, which had now been pushed back another two months.

My days were getting more and more depressing. I felt like I was constantly on alert, like a deer during hunting season. It got even worse when I had been told by Frazier and Duerson that I would be joining Delgado in the smuggling of drugs that were being sent in.

I tried to get help from Shaw, but he was cold toward me. Told me I should be grateful that he offered to protect me, but not to push my luck. I knew the only reason he was protecting me was someone on the team threatened to transfer him if he didn't. Shaw wasn't protecting me because he cared about me. He only cared about himself, just like everyone else in this shithole.

I had promised myself that I wasn't going to smuggle the drugs and if nobody else would protect Delgado, I would. This turned out to be the worse thing I could've done. While folding laundry together, Duerson and Frazier appeared clearly angry with me.

"I thought we made ourselves clear about how things work around here?" Frazier growled.

He reached out and grabbed Delgado in a headlock, while Duerson wrapped his beefy arms around me, pinning me against his chest.

"We may not be able to hurt you because of Shaw, but that doesn't mean you run things around here. You _will_ deliver those drugs when they arrive or you _will_ pay for it!" Frazier said. "Is that understood?"

"Yes," I said. "It's understood."

With that he took something out of his pocket and sliced Delgado's throat wide open. I scrambled to get out of Duerson's grasp. Finally, he let me go and I grabbed a towel as I ran straight to Delgado.

"That'll be you next time we have to have this conversation," Frazier said before leaving the room.

I put the towel over Delgado's throat and screamed for help. I knew it was going to be too late, but I had to try. I watched the life leave his eyes before anyone showed up to help.

I sat in my cell that night filled with guilt. If I hadn't tried to be moral in an immoral place, Delgado would still be alive. His death was my fault for being so stubborn. I should've listened to Shaw. This isn't life, this is prison and the rules are different here. You don't survive by being a good person. You survived by protecting yourself at all costs, good or bad.

That was the day Dr. Spencer Reid disappeared. I was no longer than man I used to be. I was now Inmate 42556 and I did what was needed to survive.

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: hope you liked the inclusion of Hotch. I know you all dislike Spencer in jail, but I hope you like the way I've written it. I'm nearing the end of it, I think at most three more chapters? It may be less – either way there will be lots of good to come. Thanks for sticking with me! xoxo_


	21. Chapter 21

-EMILY-

This couldn't be a worse time. Even with Hotch's help we couldn't get Spencer out of prison. He had recently been beaten, which made me worry about his sanity. Lenora was starting to act out because she missed him so much. Not to mention, Spencer had specifically told me he wanted to take our relationship slower. This news was just another nail in the stressful coffin.

I had been trying desperately to hold it together, but it was proving to be more difficult than I could've imagined. I hadn't slept well since his incarceration and my appetite was non-existent. I just kept pushing through in hopes that some how we would finally catch a break.

I was trying to focus on a separate case that had been tossed our way, because the FBI didn't care that Spencer was in jail. They pretty much abandoned him the moment he had crossed the border without permission. They had no sympathy for how this affected us, just get the job done was their motto. I was hanging by a very thin thread and feeling ready to crumble at any moment.

I stood at the conference room table staring at the evidence, none of it registering in my mind. I started sweating and feeling lightheaded.

"Emily?" J.J.'s voice sounded behind me.

I turned to look at her, but she seemed far away and blurry. More voices could be heard until suddenly everything went black. I'm not sure how long I was passed out for, but when I came to, I was laying on the floor with a wet paper towel on my head. J.J., Tara, and Luke were kneeling next to me. The concern apparent on all of their faces.

I lifted a shaking hand to my forehead and burst into tears. I felt so stupid, but the stress had proven too much for me and I broke.

"Emily, it's ok. Take a deep breath," J.J. said as she held my free hand.

"Do you need us to call an ambulance?" Luke asked.

I shook my head no.

"What can we do to help?" Tara said.

"Make all of this go away," I sobbed.

"I'll go get her some water," Luke said, realizing this may be a girl moment.

After he left the room, I slowly sat up and wiped at the tears on my face. I gave the girls a sheepish smile as they consoled me.

"Everything will be ok," Tara said.

"How? How will it be ok? Spencer isn't going to come out of this the same. I've already failed him in getting him released," I cried.

"Emily, you have been working your ass off, day and night for him. This is not your fault. All of us are just as frustrated," J.J. insisted.

"It doesn't matter, because if he doesn't hate me now, he'll hate me when he gets out," I said as tears streamed down my cheeks.

"What? Why in the world would he hate you?" J.J. said.

"I promised we would take things slow," I said as though that answered everything.

"Ok, I don't understand," J.J. replied as she looked to Tara who shrugged.

"I'm pregnant," I blurted.

Tara and J.J.'s jaws dropped.

"How far along?" J.J. asked softly.

"I don't know. I just found out this morning," I said.

"You need to go to a doctor," Tara said as she rubbed my back.

"I know. I will. I just, I can't even be happy about it because of everything happening around us. This is the worst possible time," I said getting upset again.

"Or maybe this is the perfect time. Maybe we all need some good news," Tara suggested.

"What if he never gets out of prison? What if they convict him and he's sentenced to life? His child will never know their father. Oh my God," I said as I erupted again.

I felt their arms wrap around me as I let out everything I had been holding in. I felt like I was never going to stop crying.

"We won't let that happen. We will find out who did this and we will get Spencer out of there," Tara said.

I let her words settle around me as I cried until I felt like I could breathe again. Looking up from my knees, I saw a glass of water on the table. At some point Luke had returned, but hadn't stayed. I appreciated that. It was bad enough I was breaking down in front of the girls like this, I didn't want an audience.

"Thank you," I whispered after taking a sip of the cold water.

"I can't imagine what you are going through, Emily, but please know we are all here for you. We will do whatever we can to help you, Spencer, and Lenora," Tara said softly.

J.J. nodded her agreement as she stroked my hair.

"Why don't you go home for a bit. Wash up and try to rest a little," she said.

"No, we have a case –"

"Emily, we've got this. You are no help to us right now anyway. You are burning the candle at both ends and need to take some time for yourself," Tara said sternly.

I considered this for a moment before nodding. It would be nice to take some time to myself. Lenora was spending the day with Henry and Will, so the house would be quiet. I was glad that I agreed to go because I hadn't been in the house for more than 2 minutes before I crashed on the bed, falling instantly asleep.

(xxxxx)

I sat in my car staring at the sonogram in my hand. There it was. The little cashew on that piece of paper would grow to be a baby. Mine and Spencer's baby. What if he wasn't happy about it? What if Lenora was angry? Why did this have to happen now?

When should I tell him? Was it something that I should tell him now? Would it be something that would be helpful to get him through his days? What if it made everything more stressful? I closed my eyes and took deep breaths.

The doctor warned me that I needed to be careful not to stress out too much as this could cause a miscarriage. No pressure there. She had no idea the weight I had sitting on my shoulders. But I would do everything I could to keep myself as calm as possible for our baby's sake.

(xxxxx)

I walked into the office where I was greeted immediately by J.J. and Tara. Both had promised to keep the pregnancy a secret. We didn't want everyone to find out before Spencer did. They followed me into my office like two little ducklings following their Mama.

"Well?" J.J. said excitedly.

"I'm 10 weeks," I said with a small smile.

It was hard not to be excited when I saw the joy in their eyes. Both girls grinned at me as I reached into my bag and handed them the sonogram.

"Awe," they said in unison.

"Look at baby brain," Tara cooed.

"Oh Em, I am so happy for you," J.J. said.

"I just hope Spence will feel the same," I sighed.

"Emily, he is going to be thrilled," J.J. replied.

I still wasn't convinced, but I did promise myself that I would tell him sooner rather than later. I felt that news might give him more fight to survive until we got him out. At least I hoped.

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: thank you all so much for the comments and support! I hope you like this turn of events!_


	22. Chapter 22

-SPENCER-

I had promised myself that I would never lose who I was in this place. That no matter how hard they pushed me, I would stay true to who I was and what my morals were. But I failed myself. I sunk to their level.

I was tired of all the threats. I was tired of being treated like trash by both the inmates and the guards. I was tired of being in this place I didn't belong. Most of all I was just fucking tired! They killed my friend and got away with it. As if his life meant nothing. No one cared. It was just one less mouth to feed.

I had enough! I was sick of sitting back quietly and watching these bullies get applauded for their behavior. They deserved to be punished and when I was forced to transport their drugs, I took care of that punishment.

Every last one of those cocaine sniffing assholes got what they deserved. Instead of enjoying a cocaine high, they all experienced excruciating pain from a mixture of cocaine and bleach. But the revenge came with a massive amount of guilt. I had hurt an innocent guy named Malcolm, in the process. I tried to tell myself that he was probably as bad as the rest of them, but it didn't help the regret I felt.

I had become a monster. I was behaving as bad as they were. I was no longer better than they were. I was one of them. I hated myself more than I ever had in my entire life. How would I be able to face Lenora? What about Emily? There was no way she would be able to love the man I had become. She was going to leave me once she knew what I was capable of.

I don't even want to think about the team and the FBI. I might as well turn in my resignation letter if I wasn't fired already. I couldn't protect the world, when I was just as capable of murder as the unsubs I was arresting. I was an unsub. I lied when asked what happened to the inmates? I had poisoned them and lied, saying I had no idea.

I spent the next week in my cell. I only came out once a day to eat and even than I barely ate what was on my plate. I had no appetite. I had no will to go on. I just wanted to be released or die. Which was going to happen when those inmates recovered from their illness. I would be the number one target. Even Calvin was going to be gunning for me now.

It was visitor's day and I really didn't want to see anyone, but for some reason, I dragged myself down to the room. I saw Emily waiting for me and my heart dropped. I loved her so much. She deserved better than me.

She tried to smile when I sat down, but I saw the worry in her eyes. She looked as exhausted as I felt which made me feel guilty. I knew she wasn't sleeping much worrying about me.

"You need some rest," she said softly.

"I know."

"I brought another letter from Lenora. She really misses you," she said. "Morgan took her and Hank to the zoo today."

"Oh great, Morgan knows?" I sighed as I rubbed my hands across my face.

"I'm sorry. We only told him because he was worried when you weren't answering his calls. He's been trying to help us locate the person who did this," she said with a frown.

I nodded my understanding and looked up to see tears in her eyes. It was more than just sadness though. Something else was behind those tears.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"What do you mean what's wrong?" she tried.

"Emily, please tell me," I said.

She looked me in the eyes, debating whether to tell me the truth or not.

"I don't know if this is the right time to tell you this, but something is telling me you need to know," she began.

I felt my anxiety rising as I waited for the news. I figured she was breaking up with me and braced myself for those words.

"Spence … we're having a baby," she said.

I can't imagine what I must've looked like. All I know is time stood still for a moment. I don't think I blinked, breathed, or moved during that moment. I just stared at her as though my hearing was playing tricks on me.

"Say something please," she said anxiously.

"I … your … when?" I stuttered.

"I found out three weeks ago. The baby is 13 weeks now," she said nervously.

"Wow … um … I don't know what to say," I said.

"Are you mad at me?" she said as a tear slid down her cheek.

I so badly wanted to reach out and wipe it from her skin. To kiss away her worries.

"No, I'm not mad. I'm … scared … shocked," I replied.

"Me too. That's why it's important you do whatever you can to keep yourself safe in here. I don't care what you have to do, just be safe so you can come home to us," she said as her lip trembled.

If only she knew how much I had done already. Would she still feel the same?

"I'm meeting with Fiona and Hotch in an hour. We are compiling another plan to bring to the judge to get you released. I promise we won't stop fighting for you," she said.

It was my turn to cry. I tried to hold it back, but the tears filled my eyes and my breathing was shaky. She placed her hand on the little piece of glass between us and I placed mine against it as well. With that, I stood up and left the room. It was time to start planning what to do when the inmates were released. I had an extra reason to fight now. I wasn't going down, not in prison.

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: thank you for your comments! There will be one more Emily chapter and one more Spencer chapter – then the jail story portion will be over. I don't want to drag it out – which is why I try to compile a bunch of episodes into one chapter._


	23. Chapter 23

-SPENCER-

As suspected, I was being watched closely by each of the inmates that were released from the infirmary. I could feel their glares whenever I walked into a room. I knew it was only a matter of time before one of them attacked me. I particularly had to keep my eye on Calvin. The smirk on his face was very telling. I was dead meat the moment I least expected it.

I had been sitting quietly in my cell, when a guard approached me and told me I had a visitor. It wasn't visiting hours and I hadn't had an appointment with Fiona. I wondered if this was a set up? Could the guards be in on my demise as well?

I walked down the hallway to the private meeting rooms and my heart sped up. I prayed I wasn't about to be jumped, but I was more shocked when the door opened and I saw Lenora smiling at me.

"Daddy!" she screamed as she ran to me.

I opened my arms and she dove into them. Normally, I would have been yelled at for this, but the guard had already closed the door and left us alone.

"Lenora, what are you doing here?" I said as tears streamed from my eyes.

"Ms. Carol from your work brought me. She told me all about how you've been in prison. Why did everyone lie to me? They told me you were away for work," she said as I carried her to the table and chairs.

It felt so good to hold her in my arms. I sat on the metal chair with my arms wrapped tightly around her. She smelled of berry shampoo and dove soap. My heart soared to be close to her again.

"I was embarrassed and ashamed," I said, honestly.

"Daddy, Ms. Carol said you killed a woman," she said. "That can't be true. You would never hurt anyone."

A part of me broke inside when she said that. I actually had hurt people, but I certainly didn't enjoy it and it wasn't something I wanted to do.

"No, I didn't kill anyone. It's a big mistake and everyone is working hard to get me out of here," I assured her.

"I knew you wouldn't do something like that," she said more to herself.

"Lenny, who is Ms. Carol again?" I said as I ran through a list of FBI employees.

"She works in the day care center. I go down there sometimes when I'm bored and help with the little kids," she said.

"Does Emily know she brought you to see me?"

"She said Emily told her it was ok," she said looking at me cautiously. "Am I in trouble?"

"No, you aren't in trouble. I am just surprised Emily would allow someone to bring you here," I said as I started to get concerned.

"How much longer until you come home? I miss you and so does Lulubelle," she said snuggling into me.

"I don't know baby. I hope soon," I said.

"Emily misses you too. I hear her crying a lot at night," she said.

"I miss you, Emily, and Lulubelle so much," I said as my lip trembled.

"Don't cry Daddy," she said as she wrapped her little arms around my neck.

"I'm just so happy to see you," I told her.

The door swung open and the guard entered.

"No touching," he grunted.

Lenora climbed off my lap and looked nervously at the guard. I stood up to say goodbye to her when a woman walked into the room as well.

"Lenora, are you ready?" she asked.

She was a young woman with dark brown hair and big brown eyes. I knew her, but not from work.

"Have we met?" I said.

"Not formally. I've seen you around work here and there. My name is Carol Adkinson. I work in the day care center on the first floor," she said holding out her hand to shake mine.

"I said no touching," the guard growled.

I stared at her closely as my mind raced through faces of people I had met in my life. She wasn't Carol Adkinson … she was Lindsey Vaughan. From a case, nearly 10 years ago. I watched her father shoot that young man in the head.

"Lindsey," I said. "You're Lindsey Vaughan."

She furrowed her brows, "no. I'm Carol Adkinson."

"Let's go," the guard said impatiently.

"Come on, Lenora. It's time to go," she said.

 _It's time to go. Time to go._ My brain replayed that over and over. I flashed back to the hotel where Nadie Ramos had just been killed. A girl was standing in front of me dangling keys in my face telling me, " _it's time to go."_

"Your daughter is an angel. I'm glad you got to see her," Lindsey smirked before leaving the room with Lenora.

She was the one who set me up! Lindsey killed Nadie and framed me! Now she had Lenora! I ran straight for the door, pounding on the glass as they walked away.

"Guards! Stop! Lenora! Lenora!"

What was I going to do? I had to get a hold of Emily immediately. This was an emergency. When the next guard came to take me back to my cell, I practically pounced him.

"I need to speak to my lawyer immediately! It is a matter of life and death!"

"No one cares," he said as he started dragging me back to my cell.

"My daughter has been abducted. If you don't relay my message, you will be sued for obstruction of justice and aiding in child endangerment," I said angrily.

The guard stopped and looked at me to see if I was telling the truth. He must've saw what he was looking for because he detoured me to the warden's office.

(xxxxx)

It didn't take long for Emily, Hotch, and Fiona to arrive. No one knew how Lindsey had managed to get herself into the FBI headquarters as a staff member, but apparently, she had been working there for four months.

"I have a meeting set with Judge Frost in three hours," Hotch stated.

"That's not fast enough Hotch! I have to get out of here!" I said desperately.

"I know, but she has cases. There's nothing I can do. That's the best I could get," he stated.

"The team has already put out an APB on the car Lindsey was seen driving and we are working to get an Amber Alert issued," Emily said.

"I don't understand why she is doing this? What did I do to her that would cause her to come after me like this?" I said frustrated.

"We are looking in to a partner. Maybe someone else who has a grudge against you," Hotch said.

"Just please, whatever you do, get my daughter back," I said completely broken. "Please."

(xxxxx)

I sat in the lunch room, hoping and praying someone would release me or better yet, someone found Lenora. This had to be the worst feeling in the world, being trapped inside this prison while my daughter was kidnapped by a psychopath.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't Mr. FBI himself."

I looked up to see Calvin sitting down across from me. I didn't have time for his games. I just stared at him, waiting for him to attack.

"You messed with the wrong guy," he grinned. "You are going to have to grow eyes in the back of your head because you won't know when it's coming, but I will get you."

I reached slowly into my pocket and grabbed the shive I made out of my tooth brush. I held it tightly in my hand and leaned forward to whisper something to Calvin. He leaned in close.

"I have a better idea," I said.

"What's that?" he laughed.

I jumped up from the table, Calvin jumped up too. I grabbed his hand, placed it over the hand that held the shive, and slammed it down into my arm. I let out a roar of pain as the room erupted in chaos. A guard raced over to grab Calvin, thinking he stabbed me, while I fell to the floor with a smile on my face.

 _Fuck you Calvin. This is my game now._ I watched as the guard dragged Calvin away, screaming his innocence. Another guard helped me off the floor and took me straight to medical, where the nurse there stitched up my wound and bandaged me up.

I was immediately taken to isolation, which was exactly what I had hoped for. Wilkins shoved me inside looking rather pissed off. I think he was upset with the fact that I figured out how to protect myself since I knew he wouldn't. _Fuck you Wilkins._

The door to isolation closed and I breathed a sigh of relief. Now I just had to pray that Hotch could get me released and we could find Lenora.

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: Nearly there! Thanks for sticking with me! xoxo_


	24. Chapter 24

-SPENCER-

I was finally freed. I nearly knocked J.J. over when I saw her entire the room to take me home. There were no words to describe the feeling of her arms around me. I was free. I was safe. I was going back to a world that made more sense to me.

Stepping outside into the fresh air, rejuvenated me. It gave me the strength to push through my physical and mental exhaustion. Outside Luke and Garcia were waiting for me. I had never been happier to hug so many people in one day.

As we climbed into the SUV, Luke broke the news to me about Lindsey Vaughn's partner.

"Reid, we received an email this morning from Lindsey. It was addressed to you," he said as he pulled the message up on his phone and handed it to me.

I watched as the partner's face appeared on the screen and I wanted to be sick. Cat Adams. She didn't look nearly as attractive as she had 2 years ago when I first met her. Prison had taken its toll on her just as much as it had on me.

Her hair needed a good brush and she looked like she hadn't bathed in quite some time, but the evil still lurked in those brown eyes. She smiled at the screen as though she could see me watching.

"Surprise! Did you miss me? I sure missed you! I guess you want to know where your daughter is? Well, you'll need to come see me in person for that. Smooches!"

Spencer wanted to reach through the phone and punch her in the face. What kind of a person takes children? She really was psychotic, but she had no idea who she was messing with. I was done being pushed around and now she fucked with my daughter. I was going to take this bitch down once and for all.

(xxxxx)

I stepped into the private room. A part of me immediately felt depressed again. I was back in fucking prison. I, literally, just got out! At least this time, I could leave whenever I wanted to. No one was forcing me to stay and J.J. was there with me.

Cat was sitting in a metal chair smiling at me. I stood in the doorway looking at her. Trying desperately to control myself from walking over to her and strangling her.

"I don't bite you know," she said as she pushed the metal chair across from her out with her foot. "Unless you want me to."

Was she really flirting with me? What an idiot. I walked over and sat down across from her. I could feel J.J. lingering behind me.

"It's been a long time," Cat said with a smile.

"I wish it would've been longer," I growled.

"Oh, feisty. Good, should make this a lot more fun," she said.

"Where is my daughter?" I asked, completely ignoring her taunting.

"Spencer, come on now. You are a genius. You know I'm not going to just tell you where your daughter is. I want to play a game with you," she said.

"I'm not playing anything with you until I know my daughter is safe," I said angrily.

"Really? What option do you have? You can either trust me when I tell you that she is safe or you can be stupid and walk away never to see her again."

I stared at her hard, calling her bluff. Finally, I took a deep breath and sighed.

"Fine, same rules as last time?"

"No. This time you get to ask me any questions you want," she said grinning.

"What's the catch?"

"The catch?" she said innocently.

"Why am I asking you questions? What's the purpose?" I said through gritted teeth.

"Well, I know a secret about you. One you won't admit. If you figure it out before time runs out, I tell you where Lenora is. Weird name by the way," she said. "But you always were weird in a sexy kind of way."

"How long do I have?" I asked, once again ignoring her taunts.

"You get two hours, but you only get one guess. If you guess wrong," she waved at me. "Bye bye Lenora." With that she put her finger to her head and pretended to shoot herself before bursting into laughter.

"I swear to God, Cat, if you hurt my daughter, one single hair on her head I will kill you so slowly you will beg to die," I said in a deep hushed voice.

"Looks like prison didn't just change me," she said with a smile. "Shall we begin?"

I opened my mouth to start asking questions when she threw her hand up to stop me. I looked at her as she held her hand out expectedly. I remembered the last time we played our game, so I slipped my watch off and handed it to her. She stared at the face of the watch until finally she looked up and said, "begin".

(xxxxx)

I had been back and forth for an hour with Cat and I was starting to get frustrated. All of this seemed to be some stupid trap. Spending my time here playing games was only allowing Lindsey to take Lenora further away.

"Spencer, I know you've been locked up for a while, but seriously, you can't be this dumb. I have been throwing hints out like crazy," she said clearly pleased with my confusion.

"It's about me, but something I don't want to admit?" I repeated more to myself.

"Good Lord, yes. We've been over that a few times. What did prison do to your brain? I'm feeling generous so I'll give you a hint," she said leaning back in her chair. "What do these words have in common. Positive, Growing, Nine."

I stared at her as I ran the words through my head. Seemed awfully broad. As I continued to run the words through my mind, she placed her hands on her stomach. I looked at her hands and back up to her face, my brows furrowed.

"Pregnancy?" I said.

A smile stretched across her face. Oh no! She knew about Emily! Was Emily safe?

"What?" I said at a loss of words.

"I know. I thought the same thing when I found out, but it worked. I'm pregnant with your baby," she said before giggling.

"Wait, what?" I said again. "My baby?"

"Yes silly, it's yours," she laughed.

"No. No way. We've never even been in the same room alone together let alone done anything else," I said.

"I know, that's the best part! Ask me how I did it! Come on, ask me!" she said excitedly.

"How?" I obliged with an eye roll.

"When Lindsey drugged you in Mexico, I had her pretend to be Claire. _Spencer, it's ok. You are safe now. It's me. I'm here. You can trust me_ ," Cat said with a grin.

I could see flashes of this happening. I saw Claire standing behind me with her hand on my shoulder saying those words to me. But this couldn't be true. This was something Cat was making up. I didn't have sex with Lindsey … or let her touch me … no! No way!

I jumped out of my chair and stormed from the room as Cat laughed manically behind me. J.J. stood nearby holding a sheet of paper.

"Spence," she said hesitantly as she handed me the paper.

There right before my eyes, clear as day, on Cat's inmate paperwork, she was pregnant. The date on the form fit with what she said. I was this kid's father. But how? No way! I was having a baby with Emily! Not with Cat! I refused to father a child with that demon.

I crumbled the sheet of paper up and threw it angrily across the room. My hands going into my hair as I tried to calm myself down. I felt like I couldn't breathe. My daughter was missing and now my worst enemy was pregnant with my child. What else was going to happen?

"Call Emily and have her double up on protection in case Lindsey and Cat know of her pregnancy," I told J.J.

"Spence, you don't have to go back in there," she told me with concern in her eyes.

"I have to get Lenora back," I said before storming back into the room.

Cat sat lounged in the chair was a smirk on her face. I really hated her. I wanted her to suffer.

"So, what do you think of this, if it's a boy let's name it Spencer Jr. and if it's a girl we can name her Claire. I mean, she is the reason our baby exists," she said rubbing her belly.

"Ok, let's pretend that is my child –"

"No need to pretend since it is," she interrupted.

"You will never be able to raise the child. You aren't capable of being a mother," I said.

"Fuck you," she growled.

"Cat, that isn't an insult. It's the truth. The truth is you are a psychopath and you won't have the attention span to care for a child. You will get bored with it, just like a child and a pet hamster."

"Your point?"

"My point is that isn't the secret. You don't give hints and you also don't play fair. All of this is just a distraction to keep me from finding my daughter. I don't even know if she is still alive," I said as I got up and walked toward the door.

"Where are you going?" she called after me.

"I'm going to find my daughter. This is a waste of my time and intelligence," I said.

"I'll let you talk to her. Prove she is still alive," she said making me turn around and glare at her.

She held out her hand without another word. I walked over and handed her my cell phone. She dialed a number and pressed speaker.

"Hey, did he guess it?"

It was Lindsey.

"Let him talk to Lenora," Cat said firmly.

"What? Ugh, fine. Hang on," she said.

I heard doors being closed and then a squeaky, rusty sound – a trunk being opened?

"Daddy? Daddy, help me! Help me, please!"

"Lenora! Are you ok? Lenora talk to me!" I shouted at the phone.

"Gotta go," Lindsey said when suddenly the sound of a loud explosion sounded over the phone before the call ended.

"What the hell was that?" I said furiously.

"I don't know," Cat said.

"Did she just kill my daughter? Was that the sound of my daughter being killed?" I shouted.

"I don't know," Cat said again.

"Tell me the truth!" I screamed at her.

"I don't know!" she yelled back.

"Tell me the fucking truth!"

"The truth is I have no idea if she killed your daughter, but if she did it's your fault! You should've never lied to me, you should've never gone to Mexico, YOU Spencer Reid are a LIAR and you are getting exactly what you deserve!"

We all have our breaking point. I thought I had seen my darkest moment in prison when I poisoned the inmates. But I proved once again, I didn't realize what I was capable of. I ran straight for Cat, who jumped from her chair ready to fight.

My hand wrapped around her throat as I pinned her up against the cement wall. As I squeezed harder, her smile grew wider. She was actually excited I was doing this to her. I felt someone tugging on my arms as I whispered over and over again, "I'll kill you. I'll fucking kill you."

Finally, I was pried off of her. I stood panting as Cat gasped for air. I turned and left the room. It was true. I was one of them now. I had changed. I thought it was just a prison thing, but I just tried to strangle a pregnant woman to death. What the hell was wrong with me?

I dropped to the floor and tried to calm myself down. I didn't look up when J.J. appeared next to me.

"I'm a monster," I said disgusted with myself.

"No, you aren't –"

"J.J. you don't know all the things I've done. You don't understand," I said as tears filled my eyes.

"Yes, I do. I may not have been to prison, but it doesn't mean I don't know how things work in there. You have to do what you can to survive and sometimes that means doing things you would never do in the outside world," she said.

"I just choked a pregnant woman," I said looking at her.

"And it took a lot for me to pry you off and not let you strangle her. Look this is exactly what she wants. This is what she does to you. She mind fucks you. She wants you to think that just because you did some shitty things in prison to protect yourself that you are a monster like she is," she explained.

Both of us went silent for a moment. It hit us like a bolt of lightning. We slowly turned to look at one another.

"Wait a minute … J.J. that's it. That's the secret I don't want to admit," I said as I scrambled to my feet.

"Ok, ok. Before you go back in, lets call the others and see how they are doing with tracking Lindsey down. We don't want to pull this too soon, otherwise she wins," J.J. stated.

(xxxxx)

It was time. I walked into the room and went straight for Cat. She braced herself, but I just bent down and whispered into her ear, "stand up."

She slowly got to her feet and I pulled her close to me. She looked afraid of what I was doing. For a moment, it probably looked as though I was going to kiss her or force her to do something, but instead I ordered her to "dance with me."

"What are you doing?" she said in a nervous whisper.

"I don't want anyone to hear what I have to say," I whispered back.

So, there we stood. Stupidly dancing in the middle of a prison room. No music. No dance floor. Just me in my trial suit and she in her navy jumpsuit. My hand on her waist, her hand on my shoulder, our other hands clasped together.

"I figured it out," I said softly.

"Yeah?"

"You aren't pregnant with my child. It's Wilkins'. That's how you knew what was going on with me while I was in prison. It's why I was kept out of protective custody and why none of the guards helped me when I was in trouble. All of that was set up by you," I said. "He was blackmailed into helping you."

She didn't say otherwise, so I continued.

"But that's not the secret. The secret is that of everyone I know, you are the only person who knows the real me. All of my family and friends see me as Dr. Spencer Reid. The goody-two shoes, nerd who never does anything immoral or wrong.

But you … you see what's really inside of me. The part of me I have always tried to hide and been afraid of. A person capable of poisoning others and enjoying the feeling of power that came from it. That I was smarter than they were and beat them at their own game.

I am a person who is capable of hurting others when they get in my way. I told you once that I never lose and I meant that. I do whatever it takes to win. Even if I need to take someone out in the process. You saw that person. You are the only person in the world who isn't fooled by my mask. You, Catherine Adams, see the truth.

I have tried my entire life to fight being the man I know I really am. I don't want to be him, but sometimes you don't get to choose who you are. I know that baby isn't mine and yet, I'm angry at you because it isn't. Because you and I belong together. You and I are the same and we deserve each other. That baby would have connected us in the only possible way we can be together," I said with such sincerity I almost believed my words.

Cat watched me with tears in her eyes. With trembling hands, she took my phone off the table and quickly dialed a number. I sat back and waited with baited breath. The phone was answered with no greeting.

"Kill her," Cat said coldly.

 _I knew it, you stone cold bitch._

"Lindsey, honey, did you hear me? Kill her," she repeated.

"You're pregnant?" Lindsey said, clearly crying.

"Lindsey, sweetheart, it's complicated – "

"No, it isn't. Cat used you, just like she does everyone. She would rather win against Spencer than stay faithful to you. You will never be number one to her. You are just a means to an end," Emily said over the phone.

Cat looked up at the cameras in the room, but I pulled J.J.'s phone from my pocket and showed it to her. I had called Emily and allowed them to listen to our entire conversation. If looks could kill, I would've burst into flames. I slowly smiled at her, before turning away and putting J.J.'s phone to my ear.

"Is Lenora there? Is she ok?" I asked.

"Morgan and Emily just took her outside to the waiting ambulance, but she seems unharmed," Rossi said.

"Ok, I'm on my way," I said as I hung up the phone.

"Congratulations. You guessed correctly," Cat said behind me. "You were right, we are the same."

I walked over to her and slowly cuffed her to the table.

"The difference between us, is I will always fight to be a better person," I said.

"You can't change who you are on the inside. You said so yourself, you do whatever it takes to win," she said as tears streamed down her cheeks.

"Which means, I will never be the kind of man that deserves a woman like you. Otherwise, I lose and I never lose," I said before standing up and walking out of the room.

( _x_ xxxx)

 _A/N: There we go! Prison storyline wrapped up! Now time to get on to some healing with his friends, family, and of course, Emily! Xoxo_

 _Also, the past few chapters were based off actual season 12 episodes, so while I based most of this on my memory there may be lines that are taken straight from the episodes. So, credit goes to the writers of Criminal Minds season 12._


	25. Chapter 25

-EMILY-

I sat in my office watching Lenora play a game of duck, duck, goose with Luke, Matt, and Garcia. It amazed me that after something so traumatic she could bounce back as quickly as she did. Luke was chasing her around the circle, while Matt and Garcia shouted for her. She didn't make it back to her spot in time. Luke scooped her up and tickled her, making her shriek for help.

Garcia jumped to her feet and pretended to attack Luke, who fell to the ground dramatically. Garcia and Lenora started tickling him in return, as he let out a series of fake laughs and rolled around on the floor.

"Who's having all of this fun without me?"

I looked up to see an exhausted Spencer smiling in the doorway. Despite his disheveled look, he still made my heart skip a beat. Lenora looked up from her tickling match and a big smile stretched across her face.

"Daddy! You're home!" she screamed as she ran to jump in his arms.

Spencer caught her mid flight and squeezed her tightly. His face was buried in her hair. After a moment, Lenora leaned back and placed her hands on his cheeks.

"You need to shave," she said making everyone laugh, including Spencer.

"That I do," he said.

"Welcome back," Matt said as he held out his hand.

"It's good to be back. Thank you for everything you all did for me," he said as he looked at each one of us.

His eyes settling on mine. I gave him a smile and moved toward him. I hadn't been able to hug him in so long. He placed Lenora down as I got closer and wrapped his arms around me tightly. It felt strange to be so open about our relationship in front of everyone, but at that moment, I really didn't care. I never wanted to let him go.

"I missed you so much," he whispered in my ear.

"I missed you too," I said in return.

We pulled apart to see everyone watching us with adoring expressions. I rolled my eyes as I snuggled into Spencer's shoulder, his arm still wrapped around my waist.

"Ok, shows over," I said with a smile.

"The show we can see anyway," Luke teased.

"Jealous much?" Garcia said.

"You want me to be?" he flirted.

"You wish," she said back.

"You two know that we all know right?" Spencer said, surprising me.

"What?" Luke said as Garcia said, "Know what?"

"That you two are boyfriend and girlfriend," Lenora said. "Like Daddy and Emily."

Everyone started laughing, except for Garcia who turned a bright shade of red. She shot a look at Luke who threw his hands up innocence.

"On that note, let's go home. I am ready for this day to be over and I'm sure Spencer is ready to see his home again," I chimed in.

"Yes please," he said as he kissed the top of my head.

With that we all said our goodbyes and orders to take the next four days off. Monday we would reevaluate things and start fresh. Right now, we all deserved some much needed time off.

(xxxxx)

We had just finished tucking Lenora into bed for the night. She seemed to be handling everything alright, with the exception of wanting to leave her bedroom light on and her door open. Spencer stayed in bed with her until she fell asleep, while I made two cups of tea.

It only took about twenty minutes before Spencer wandered into the living room looking exhausted, but happy. He plopped down heavily onto the couch and sighed.

"I didn't realize just how much I missed comfy furniture," he said as I handed him his tea.

"Welcome home," I said with a smile.

He took a sip of his tea and smiled at me.

"Thank you for everything you did Emily. I don't think words will ever be able to truly express how grateful I am," he said seriously.

"You would've done the same for me," I replied.

"It's true, but doesn't negate what you did for me. I am so blessed to have you in my life," he said as he put down his tea and moved closer to me. "And I never got to tell you that despite the fact I'm terrified and I'm sure I will need to talk to someone about what's happened to me, I am thrilled to have a child with you."

I hadn't been expecting that. I stared at him as if waiting for the punchline, but he just stared back at me. Reaching out he placed his hand on my belly and rubbed lightly.

"You will be an amazing mom," he said.

"Spencer …" I said at a loss for words.

He must've read my mind. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine in a gentle and loving kiss. When we parted he pressed his forehead against mine.

"I really need to shower … will you wait up for me?" he asked.

I nodded, making him smile. He leaned forward and gave me another tender kiss before getting off the couch and walking toward the bedroom. It was so great to have him back.

(xxxxx)

I laid in bed listening to the sound of the shower running. Spencer had been in there around 30 minutes now. After months of hurried group showering, this was probably Heaven to him. I felt myself starting to doze off and tried my hardest to stay awake. I hadn't had a good night's sleep in so long, that my body was screaming for me to give in and rest.

I heard the slight sound of a chuckle and felt the bed sink in slightly. My eyes popped open and I sat up.

"I'm awake," I said, half asleep.

"Emily, it's ok. Get some rest," Spencer said as he ran his fingers through my hair.

"No, I wanted to wait up for you," I mumbled.

"It's ok. Come here," he said as he slid under the covers and opened his arms for me.

I snuggled into his embrace and let out a loud sigh. He was so warm and smelled so delicious. If I hadn't been so tired I would've licked him right now. I felt his lips on my forehead.

"Sleep well," he said.

"With you by my side, I think I finally will," I said.

"Same," he replied.

And we did. Both of us fell asleep almost instantly, but it didn't last as long as I had hoped. Around 4am, I woke to Spencer talking in his sleep. He kept repeating he was sorry until his eyes burst open and he shot up from his supine position.

"Hey, it's ok, shhhh," I said as I sat up next to him. "You're home safe. Everything is ok."

He looked around the room as he panted before his eyes settled on me. He wiped the sweat from his brow and nodded before laying back down.

"You want a drink of water?" I offered.

"No, I'm alright," he said.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" I asked as I propped myself up with my elbow.

"Not right now, no," he said. "Distract me please."

I assume he wanted me to talk about something, but I had a different distraction in mind. Leaning down, I pressed my lips to his.

"Does this work?" I said seductively.

His response was to grab the back of my head and pull me in closer. His kiss was more amazing than I had remembered. My pulse immediately started to quicken as our kiss heated up. Throwing my leg over his middle, I straddled him.

His hands ran up my back, pulling my tank top with it. He tossed it to the side and went straight for my breasts. Squeezing and sucking them as I clutched his hair. He had gone to bed in just a pair of boxers, so I didn't have any clothing to take off him.

I slid down his body and wasted no time slipping his bottoms off. He was already hard as a rock and I saw that he had clearly groomed himself while showering earlier. I ran my tongue along the vein of his cock, but he pulled me back up shaking his head.

"I won't last if you do that," he said. "It's been too long and I've wanted this for so long."

I nodded and pulled my bottoms off before latching my mouth back onto his lips. We kissed one another frantically, as though one of us would disappear. Reaching between us, I felt Spencer rub his dick along my slit a few times making me moan. Then slowly he started pushing into my body.

At first, there was a bit of resistance, but once he was fully inside of me, we both let out an audible groan. His hands pushed my hair out of my face as they framed me. He looked deep into my eyes with such love and adoration.

"God, Emily, you are so beautiful," he said as tears filled his eyes. "I thought about you every second of every day."

"I know, me too," I said as I started to cry.

"I love you so much," he said as a few tears slipped down his cheeks.

"I love you too," I said as I leaned forward to kiss him passionately.

He wrapped his arms tight around my body and began to press up into me. I buried my face in his neck as he thrusted upward rapidly. Both of us whimpering at the feel of our bodies reconnecting. Tonight, there would be no play. It was all need driven.

I normally would sit up and allow myself to ride him, but he held me so tightly against his chest as he continued to push himself into me over and over again. He did this until suddenly he pulled out of me and released himself all over mine and his stomach. I was shocked as he had never done this before.

"Why did you do that?" I asked as I watched him try to catch his breath.

"Just a minute," he said as he laid there with his eyes closed.

I felt confused and a bit emotional. Spencer never pulled out to finish. I didn't understand what was going on, when suddenly he sat up and pushed me down onto the bed.

"What are you –"

He pressed his finger to my lips before sliding down my body. Not even bothering to clean my stomach, he pulled my legs over his shoulders and pressed his mouth to my clit. I let out a gasp as he shoved two fingers in me and began pressing my sensitive spot.

"Fuck," I breathed out as he made out with my pussy.

His mouth caressing my favorite area, while his fingers slid in and out of me. I squirmed beneath him. My hands trying to find something to hold on to. I settled for the pillows behind me. My hips lifted from the bed, but were forced back down by Spencer's free hand. He held me in place as I wriggled around below him.

"Ohhhhh …. Uhhhhhh …. Fuckkkkkkkk!" I murmured as the sound of him sucking me echoed through the room. "Spence, I'm almost there … right there … oh don't stop … right there. Yes … yes …"

I could feel his lips curl into a smile. Suddenly, I felt myself start to tighten up and with a groan of pleasure I exploded around him. My body shaking as it sent an orgasm through me. The warmth rushing from my head down to my feet. My legs trembling against him as he pushed me over the edge. I barely recovered from that orgasm as he sucked me through another one.

Finally, I collapsed completely spent. Still convulsing a bit, as he crawled up my body, stopping to give my belly a kiss. He dropped next to me, his face buried into my cheek. He gave me small kisses as I slowly wound down.

"Well, that was a nice surprise," I said making him chuckle.

"You're welcome," he said.

"I almost forgot how talented that mouth was," I said as I turned my head to face him.

He pressed his lips to mine. I could taste myself on him, but I didn't mind.

"I love you, Emily," he said as his hand caressed my cheek.

"I love you," I said with a smile.

He gave me another kiss, before we snuggled into each other, eventually drifting back off to sleep.

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: hope you enjoyed this chapter, wanted to make up for the last few intense ones! Thanks for the great comments and all the continued support! xoxo_


	26. Chapter 26

-SPENCER-

Saturday turned out to be a wasted day. All I did was sleep. All of the exhaustion that had built up for months finally took its toll on me. At some point during the day, Emily joined me. I had half-asleep wondered where Lenora was and found out Hotch took her for the day to play with Jack.

I didn't think any further on it. I went immediately back to sleep. When I woke again it was 8pm and my bed was empty. I rolled out of bed to search for Emily and found her in the kitchen eating a bowl of cereal. She looked up and smiled when she saw me watching her.

"Hey, sleepy head. Hungry?" she asked.

"Yea, I could eat something," I said as I walked over to the refrigerator and pulled open the door.

"You want me to make you something?" she offered.

"No, cereal is fine," I said as I grabbed the box of Rice Krispies and poured a huge bowl full.

After adding milk, I walked over to the table and sat down next to her.

"Where's Lenora?" I said before taking a bite.

"She's staying with Hotch for the night. Henry is there too. Figured they would get some time with Jack before they leave again," she said as she placed her phone down.

"They're leaving?"

I don't know why I was surprised by this. I guess I just assumed since Scratch was dead there was no more threat they could stay.

"They started a new life Spence. This isn't home to them anymore," she said softly "Hotch actually has a serious girlfriend waiting for him and he's happy being a stay at home Dad."

"I mean, it makes sense," I said as I swirled my spoon through the milk. "I just thought since he was here …"

"I know. I think everyone kind of had the same expectation," she said empathetically.

"So, when does he leave? And where is he leaving to?"

"They will head back Monday morning. They live in a small village in Ireland called Kenmore."

"Wow, ok," I said feeling a sting from the thought of losing him again.

Emily was watching me carefully. She reached out and grabbed my hand.

"I'm sorry. I know this isn't the best news, but we are able to stay in contact with him. He said he feels better knowing Scratch is gone now. So, maybe we can plan a trip to go see where he lives. Would be nice for Lenora to experience another country," she said trying to cheer me up.

"Yea, that sounds fun," I said as I tried to stay positive about it.

"Also, we will get to say goodbye this time. Sunday night we are invited to Rossi's for a farewell party. If you are feeling up for it," she said.

"Yea, we should go," I said as I went back to eating my cereal.

We ate the rest of our dinner in silence. Emily knew I needed time to process this news, so she read articles on her phone. When I had finished eating and was rinsing my bowl in the sink, I felt her hands run up and down my back. I could tell she was in the mood.

"So, we have the house to ourselves. Which means we can be as loud as we'd like," she purred as her hands trailed around to my stomach.

"Is that so?" I said, deciding to let the Hotch thing go.

"Yea, so, it's a good night to have a little fun," she said as her hands slipped under my shirt.

"Fun like chess?" I joked.

Her hands dropped from my stomach and I turned to see her put her hands on her hips.

"Chess?"

"What? You said fun," I shrugged.

"Chess is not the kind of fun I meant," she frowned.

"Why not?"

"Because I was thinking of something sexier, Spencer," she said, getting irritated with me.

"So was I," I said with a smirk.

"What?" she said totally confused.

"Humor me," I said grabbing her hand and pulling her over to the chess table.

The pieces already sat waiting for us. She rolled her eyes as she plopped down, making me laugh.

"Will you stop pouting and trust me?"

So, we started a game of chess. I made sure to set it up so she would take my pawn first. When she did I slid my chair back and made a show of taking off my shirt. The look on her face as the realization of what I was doing hit her.

The next move I took one of her pawns. She stood up and slowly peeled her tank top off. Thankfully she hadn't been wearing a bra, so her slightly swollen breasts were staring back at me.

"You always had beautiful breasts, but these pregnancy boobs are pretty spectacular as well," I said as I licked my lips.

"You can have them, if you want them," she said as she cupped them in both her hands.

"Tempting, but not just yet," I said with a smile.

The game continued until both of us were completely naked. On my next turn, I took one of her horses. She looked at me with a furrowed brow.

"Now what?"

With a devilish grin, I grabbed the horse in my hands and slipped off my chair. Crawling underneath the table, I pulled Emily closer to the edge of her seat. Using the tip of the horse's nose, I began to gently massage her clit.

Above me, I heard the intake of breath that signaled her pleasure with my touch. Pressing a little bit harder against her, she squirmed. The horse disappearing into her folds. She let out a loud groan as I appeared back in my chair.

She watched me with desired eyes as I stuck the horse between my lips and sucked off the taste of her.

"Damn it, Spence. This is so fucking hot. I don't think I want to play anymore," she groaned.

"Good things come to those who wait," I said with a grin.

A few more moves and I had taken her rook. This time I teased her breasts with the game piece. Being much better at the game than she was, I went through the game easily, taking pieces and taunting her with them.

Finally, at check mate, Emily called out, "thank God," and stood up reaching for me. I grabbed her and pulled her into my body. Our mouths colliding in desperation as I kissed her passionately. Reaching out to the table, I wrapped my hand around the bishop. As Emily and I continued to kiss, I began teasing her pussy with the chess piece.

She moaned in my mouth and pressed her body closer to mine. I moved her closer to the table and used my arm to push all the pieces and the game board off. The pieces bounced and clattered along the wooden floor as I lifted Emily onto the table.

As she spread her legs, I ran the bishop up and down her wet folds before slowly pushing it inside of her. She let out a gasp of surprise and pulled away from my mouth.

"Is this ok?" I asked, worried I had maybe hurt her.

"Yea, I think so. So, far so good," she said as she leaned back on her hands opening her body to me.

I continued to penetrate her with the chess piece while kissing and caressing her breasts. Emily bit her lip and threw her head back as I played with her.

"Talk to me. Tell me how it feels," I said as I looked at her.

"It feels good, but I wish it were your dick and not that chess piece. I want to feel your throbbing hot cock inside of me," she moaned.

This was enough for me. I pulled the chess piece out and threw it over my shoulder. Pulling her to the edge of the table, I pressed myself into her. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders, my hands slipped under her ass and I lifted her off the table.

"Go to the couch. I want to ride you," she said as her hands tangled in my messy hair.

I carried her over to the couch, where I sat down, giving her more control. Her hands gripped the back of the couch as she began to pull herself up and drop back down frantically. I threw my head back and let my mouth hang open in pure ecstasy.

"No, look at me and talk to me. I want to hear you too," she said she pulled my head back up.

"You feel amazing. You're so wet and tight," I said as she bounced on top of me.

Her breasts jumping up and down with her movements. It was such a turn on.

"Does this feel good? Do you like this?" she purred as she ground herself down into me.

"Fuck yes. It feels so good. I love when you fuck me," I panted.

I was never one to be vocal like this and certainly not big into cursing, but when Emily and I had sex it seemed like I became a different person. A more confident man who wasn't ashamed to talk dirty. It was an odd kink I found I really enjoyed.

"Turn around," I said to her.

She obeyed and spun around. Still on top of me, but giving me a different angle. She continued to ride me with my help. My hands clutching her breasts and stomach as she moved around. As we were both nearing the end, I started lifting up my hips to meet hers. Each crash of skin against skin was loud and intoxicating.

I could feel Emily starting to get closer. I pulled her tightly against my body and began to push my way into her, taking control. I wanted to make sure she climaxed first, but it was getting harder to hold back. I rubbed myself frantically into her as she screamed and moaned loudly.

"Spencer, fuck! I'm almost there. Right there … right there …. don't stop. Please … Ohhhh …. Ohhhh …. UHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

With that it was like a dam had broken loose. A gush of liquid shot out of her and covered both of our legs. She shook and convulsed around my dick as I pressed into her a few more times rapidly until I exploded inside of her.

I sunk back into the couch, with Emily laying on my chest. Her head next to mine. The both of us panting and gasping for air. After a few minutes, Emily let out a giggle.

"Holy shit. I didn't even know that was possible. I thought that was like a porn trick or something," she said.

"I've never seen that before. That was crazy," I agreed.

"Crazy good I hope?" she said, with a hint of insecurity.

"Fuck yes. I'm just sorry I wasn't able to watch it happen."

"Well, you are more than welcome to try doing that again any time you'd like. That was by far one of the best orgasm's I have ever felt in my life. I'm seriously buying you a fucking trophy. That was just a standing ovation, encore, Oscar worthy performance," she said.

I laughed as I placed a kiss on her shoulder.

"Give me some time to recover and perhaps round two will win me an Emmy," I grinned.

"Baby, you can go for the EGOT if you keep that up," she said turning around to kiss me.

I ran my fingers through her hair and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips.

"I think we may need a new couch though," I said making her laugh.

"I'll try to clean it tomorrow," she said.

We stayed the way we were for another five minutes. Catching our breath and enjoying the feeling of being stuck together in a post-orgasm mess.

"Where would you like round two to take place?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"The shower keeps calling my name," she said with a smile.

"Well, let's get the water running," I said as I stood up and dragged her with me.

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: hope you enjoy! xoxo_


	27. Chapter 27

-SPENCER-

Emily and I only made it through round 2 and part of round 3 when my phone rang.

"Uh oh," Emily said as I slid out of her and reached for the phone on my nightstand.

I took a moment to try and calm my breathing as best as possible. I decided to make it sound as though I had been sleeping.

"Hello," I said with the best gruff voice I could create.

I sat up straighter in bed as I listened to Hotch on the other end. Emily sat up with me. Her hand laying on my shoulder.

"Ok, I'll be right there," I said before hanging up and jumping out of bed.

"What's going on?" Emily asked as she started dressing too.

"Lenora had a nightmare. Hotch said she was screaming and when she finally woke up, she ran to the bathroom and locked herself in there."

We both dressed quickly and raced to the car together. Apparently, Hotch had been staying with Rossi, so off to the mansion we drove. I'm pretty sure I made it in record and illegal timing. I had barely stopped the car before Emily and I jumped out of it running for the front door.

Rossi must've been waiting for us, because he swung the door open and stepped aside as we ran up the front steps.

"She's upstairs third door on the right," he said as I hurried past him.

I ran up the stairs two at a time and reached the bathroom where Hotch stood waiting for us.

"I didn't want to make it worse," he said as he handed me the key to unlock the door.

He lightly patted me on the shoulder before walking off to give us privacy. I stuck the key into the door and unlocked it. Inside I saw Lenora curled up in a ball with her hands over her ears and her face buried in her knees.

I dropped down in front of her, but when I placed my hands on her she began screaming bloody murder. Her hands flew out hitting me as she tried to fight me off.

"Lenora it's me! You are safe! It's Daddy! Look at me sweetheart," I ordered as I tried to get her to settle down.

She was sobbing hysterically as she flailed in front of me. Finally, I was able to grasp both wrists to stop her from moving.

"Lenny it's me! Look at me! Open your eyes honey!" I pleaded with her.

Her eyes popped open and she looked frantically from me to Emily. The fear in them so real, I wasn't sure if she even saw us or thought we were someone else. But I saw the recognition flash before her eyes and she dove into my arms.

I fell backwards, landing on my butt. Her body was soaked with sweat as she held me almost uncomfortably tight. I gently rubbed her back and saw Emily's hand brushing Lenora's hair.

"Sweetheart, it's ok. Everything is ok," I said.

"She was here. She was trying to take me. She was dragging me to her car and you weren't there. You left me," she bawled.

"It was just a bad dream. I would never leave you –"

"But you did! You did leave me! You went to prison and you left me! She took me because you! She told me that and she said that you were never going to see me again," she cried.

"I'm so sorry. I am so sorry I left you, but I would never intentionally leave you. I was trying so hard to get back to you," I said breaking down.

"I would have never let that happen Lenora. I was never going to let your Dad be away from you forever. No matter what I needed to do, your Dad was going to come home," Emily said as she wrapped her arms around us both.

"I'm mad at you! I don't want to be, but I am," she said.

"I'm mad at me too and I deserve your anger. I am truly sorry Lenny," I said as tears streamed down my cheeks.

"Please don't ever do anything like that again," Lenora said angrily.

"I promise! I swear to you that I will never be taken away like that again," I said and I meant it.

"I wanna go home. I don't wanna stay here. I wanna be with you."

"Ok, that's ok. Let's get your things and go home," I said still holding her tightly.

Emily went and gathered Lenora's things, while I stayed in the bathroom holding her. Once Emily had the car started and loaded up, I carried Lenny to the car. She was silent the entire way home and when I tried to put her in her bed, she began crying again. So, that night she slept in between Emily and me.

"We need to call someone," Emily whispered after Lenora fell asleep.

"I know," I said looking at my sweet innocent child sleeping soundly.

"While you were gone she was very angry. I have a feeling it's going to take time for her to forgive you," she said with a frown.

"She isn't the only one," I muttered.

"It might be good for you to talk to someone too," she said hesitantly.

I didn't say anything. I hated telling people my problems, but the reality was I was holding on to a lot of emotions and while some moments everything was happy and peaceful, I could flip the switch to depressed and angry in the blink of an eye. Something we learned the hard way.

(xxxxx)

The party had been in full swing for a few hours. Dinner had been delicious with Masterchef Rossi creating a five-star worthy lasagna. Afterwards everyone headed outside for a bonfire and roasting marshmallows.

Lenora was doing much better today, but Emily and I had been keeping an extra close watch on her. I noticed anytime she wasn't in sight, Emily would get up to go look for her if I hadn't already. It was an unspoken understanding.

In the middle of roasting our marshmallows, Lenora stood up and wrapped her arms around my neck. I gave her a gentle smile and kissed her cheek.

"Daddy, can we try to catch lightning bugs?" she asked.

"Sure," I said as I handed my stick to Emily and told her what we were doing.

We walked further into Rossi's yard until we reached some of the darker places, shaded by trees. Lenora was chasing one of the fireflies, while I watched. Right in front of me, a little bug lit up. I reached out and grabbed hold of it.

"Got one," I called out to her.

She came skipping over. I knelt down and slowly opened my cupped hand. She peered inside.

"Oh, it's so pretty. Can I hold it?"

I tilted my hand against hers and the bug crawled onto her hand before flying off.

"Oh no! Come back!" she said as she ran after it.

I heard footsteps behind me and turned to see Morgan smiling at me.

"How is she doing?" he asked.

"As good as expected," I said as I stood up to stand next to him.

"Yea, Hotch told me about the other night. I'm surprised she is doing as well as she is considering what she went through," he said.

"She's always been strong and resilient. She's like her mother in that respect."

"Seems like she's a lot like her father," he said with a small smile.

I shrugged. I certainly didn't feel strong or resilient.

"Daddy, I caught one!" Lenora yelled.

"Good job," I called to her.

"I'm really proud of you, pretty boy."

My heart sped up as his hand landed on my shoulder. Sweat covered my forehead as nausea swept over me. I felt light-headed and my breathing increased. I couldn't see or hear anything around me as I heard those words repeated in my mind.

" _Remember, don't get in our way, pretty boy," Frazier said._

 _Frazier and Duerson were zipping their pants back up. I was laying on the mattress face down in an incredible amount of pain. If I didn't move they would leave me alone. They would leave me here for dead, like I felt inside._

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: just a little bit of turmoil. Time for them to start dealing with what happened. Thanks for reading! xoxo_


	28. Chapter 28

-EMILY-

I was listening to Garcia and J.J.'s debate on whether heels or flats were better, when Lenora came running toward me calling my name. I could tell something was wrong and jumped from my seat. Everyone else stopped talking to see what was going on.

"It's Daddy. Something's wrong," she said with tears in her eyes.

I ran down the porch stairs toward the trees where Lenora had come running from. I heard others running behind me, but didn't care who it was. As I neared the trees, I saw Morgan kneeling next to Spencer who was on the ground curled in a ball.

"What's going on?" I asked as I dropped down next to Morgan.

"I don't know. He was fine. We were talking and then all of a sudden he just went catatonic," Morgan said clearly shaken up.

"Spencer? Spencer, it's Emily," I said leaning over so our faces were looking at one another.

Though his eyes were in line with mine, he was looking right through me. Wherever he was, it was in his mind and not on what was presently happening.

"Can we get him up?" I said to Morgan.

Morgan and I grabbed Spencer's arm and he began to whimper. His eyes shut tightly and he began pleading with us with a helpless 'please no'. We both removed our hands and looked at each other.

"PTSS," Hotch said making us turn to look at him.

"Is that the same as PTSD?" I asked.

"They changed disorder to a syndrome now," Hotch stated.

"What were you talking about?" I said to Morgan.

"We talked about Lenora and how strong she is. I told him I was proud of him and bam, he turned into this," he said gesturing towards Spencer.

"What do we do?" I said as I looked to Hotch for guidance.

"We need to keep talking to him. Something will break him from that trance," he said.

I saw Lenny watching slightly behind Hotch with tears in her eyes. I waved her over and had her sit next to me.

"Let's try talking to him. I think if he hears your voice he might respond," I said.

Lenora nodded as she stared at her comatose father.

"Daddy … it's Lenora. You are safe, Daddy. It's ok to wake up," she said gently.

She looked to me when nothing happened. I gave her an encouraging smile, before I turned back to Spencer.

"You are here with your family and friends. We are all here to keep you safe and protected Spence. Everything is ok," I said softly as I reached for his hand.

He tried to pull away, but I held it tightly.

"We are right here, Spence. We aren't going to leave you," I said as I placed my free hand on his cheek and stroked gently.

He flinched at first, but seemed to still as I continued to softly talk to him.

"Open your eyes, love. It's safe. I'm right here."

"Daddy, open your eyes, please," Lenora said calmly next to me.

Slowly Spencer's eyes began to crack open. They fluttered as he took in his surroundings before settling on my eyes.

"There you are," I said with a smile. "Can you hear me?"

He looked at me with a furrowed brow, but nodded his head.

"What happened?" he asked as he realized where he was.

"We aren't really sure," I said.

He pushed himself up into sitting position and rubbed his head.

"Reid, how do you feel?" Hotch asked.

I hadn't even realized he had crotched down beside me.

"A little cloudy," he said.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Hotch said.

"Uh … catching lightning bugs with Lenny," he replied.

"Does anything hurt?"

"No, not really. I just feel very drowsy and disoriented. Like I took a sleeping pill or something," he muttered.

"Morgan, do you remember exactly what you said?" Hotch questioned.

"No, I don't have his eidetic memory. I told him I thought Lenora was strong and recovering remarkably well. He told me that she got that from Claire to which I replied that she was more like him than he gave himself credit for. Then I told him I was proud of him. That was it," Derek said.

"Well, it doesn't seem to be affecting him now," Hotch stated. "Did you hear anything or smell anything?"

"Not out of the ordinary, no," Derek said.

I watched as Spencer massaged his eyes as though he had formed a headache. I placed my hand carefully and gently on his shoulder, making him look at me.

"Why don't we head home? Let you get some rest?" I said with a half-smile.

Spencer nodded as Hotch and I helped him off the ground. He was able to walk, but I looped his arm through mine just in case. I noticed that both Hotch and Morgan stayed close to Spencer as well. Lenora was ahead of us, already saying goodbye to Jack and Henry.

It didn't take long for us to say goodbye to everyone and drive home. Lenora readied herself for bed, while I helped Spencer change into his pajamas. Once he was tucked in, I made sure to say goodnight to Lenny before heading back in to the bedroom.

Spencer was on his side staring blankly at the wall.

"You ok? Is there anything I can get you?" I offered.

He looked away from the wall, locking eyes with me. I could see the exhaustion in them.

"No, thank you," he said softly.

I changed and climbed into bed with him. Scooting closer so I could entwine our fingers together. We didn't say anything. We just looked at one another.

"I need to tell you something," he said in a low tone.

"Sure," I said as I watched him curiously.

"I don't know why I … did whatever it is I did tonight … but … I know what I thought was happening. I know where my mind took me," he said.

I didn't speak. I just waited with baited breath.

"Emily, something happened to me in prison," he said breaking eye contact.

"What happened?" I encouraged in a gentle voice.

I could see him fretting over what he wanted to tell me. I knew that he had poisoned some prisoners. Was that what he was reliving? Did he think that I wouldn't love him anymore?

"It's ok," I said squeezing his hand tightly.

He chewed on his lip. A tell-tale sign he was trying not to cry. He still wouldn't look at me.

"Spencer, no matter what happened, I hope you know I love you. Nothing that happened will change that," I assured him.

He looked up at me with tears in his eyes.

"I tried to be a good person. I promised myself that no matter what they did to me … I was going to stay true to who I was. My friend Delgado … he was being beaten and threatened and I just wanted to help him. So, I told on the guys who hurt him. I guess I thought maybe they'd move him in to protective custody or maybe the guards would actually care and put the two guys in solitary confinement.

I should've listened to Calvin. He told me that the rules were different. He said that … that I was just asking for trouble. I should've listened because he was right. The guards didn't care. All I did was piss off the two guys I narced on," he said as his lip trembled and his breathing sped up.

I moved closer and lifted his hand to my lips. I knew he had been beaten. I knew that was hard for him, but I had no idea it left this much of an impact on him.

"They came to my cell that night. They … fuck," he said as tears slid from his eyes.

"It's ok. Shhhh, I know. I know they hurt you," I said as I let go of his hand to stroke his cheek.

He was shaking his head no as I tried to console him.

"Emily, they took turns raping me!" he blurted.

My mouth dropped open and my heart completely stopped beating for a few seconds. I stared at him wide-eyed as his face turned deep red and tears streamed like a river down his face. I was at a loss for words. All I could do was pull him against my body and hold him as tight as I could.

I could feel him sobbing into my chest as I realized I, too, was crying. My hands clutching him against my body as if this would protect him or save him from his pain. I knew prison was a shit hole, but how could they get away with this. How was it possible for a man, who was supposed to be in protective custody, to be raped? How did they let that happen?

It's a good thing Wilkins had been murdered by Lindsey or I would've found him and done it myself. Every nightmare Spencer experienced could have been avoided if Wilkins wouldn't have fucked with him. He should've been in protective custody. She was going to have a good chat with the warden tomorrow.

"Spencer, listen to me. We will get through this. I will be with you the entire way and like I said to you before, this doesn't change my love for you. You are still the same beautiful, kind-hearted, gorgeous man I fell in love with. Do you understand me?" I insisted.

He started crying harder, but I felt him nod slightly. I pressed kisses to his head as I continued to hold him. We stayed that way until both of us fell into a fitful night's sleep.

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: sorry for the delay. I went out of town for the weekend to see friends. I hope you like this chapter. Thanks for the comments and support xoxo_


	29. Chapter 29

-SPENCER-

I slept fitfully all night. Finally voicing what happened to me brought an array of deep traumatic emotions. Emily stayed by my side all night. Soothing me whenever I woke up terrified in a pool of a sweat. I was grateful I had her with me. I don't deserve her.

When I finally woke it was nearing noon. I am not a late sleeper, but exhaustion had done a number on me. I probably would've slept longer, but I wanted to see how Lenora was doing. I wandered out into the living room to find Emily and Lenora quietly playing a game of chess. From a quick glance, I was proud to see Lenny was slightly ahead.

Emily looked up and smiled when she saw me. Her eyes looked dark from lack of sleep. I felt a little guilty regarding that. Lulubelle raced over and jumped into my leg whimpering. I bent down to scoop her up and give her some love.

"Hi Daddy!" Lenora said with a big smile. "I thought you were gonna sleep _all_ day!"

"I probably could have," I said as I leaned over to kiss her on the head.

She reached for her rook and I cleared my throat. She looked up at me and I shook my head no. She looked back at the board thoughtfully and pointed to her bishop to which I nodded.

"Hey no fair. No help from the genius," Emily said with a pretend pout.

"I'm a genius too," Lenora said proudly.

"Is that so?" I said. "And when did you discover this?"

"I'm your daughter. I have to be smart. Besides I'm almost finished with all of my 4th grade lessons. Mr. Carrol, the home school administrator, said if I pass the next test, I can start doing 5th grade lessons," she said.

"I'm very proud of you," I said giving her another hug and kiss. "But I hope you know, even if you aren't a genius, I'm still proud of you."

"Thanks Dad, but I am a genius so no need for that," she said making Emily and me laugh.

"I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning," Emily said as she continued her game.

"Would you like me to come with you?" I asked.

"I would love for you to do so. In fact, I'd like you both to come," she said timidly.

Lenora and I both looked at her questioningly.

"We can find out the baby's gender … if you want to, that is."

"Oh! I want to go! Can I go? Please Daddy! Can I, please?" Lenora said as she bounced excitedly in her chair.

"That sounds like a great idea," I said with a smile.

It's not that I forgot Emily was pregnant with my child. It ran through my head often. The immense guilt regarding my past few months of life had been crippling at times. That being said, it still blew my mind that Emily and I were having a baby together.

Knowing her for so many years before this, I don't think anyone could have convinced me this would be my future. Ex-con, sort of, and married to Emily Prentiss with a baby on the way. I would've called you insane and laughed it off. But it was my reality and one I cherished every time I thought about it.

"Can I help you name her?" Lenora asked breaking my thoughts.

"Her?" Emily and I said in unison.

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure it's a girl and so does Aunt Penny, Uncle Matt, and Uncle Will. Everyone else says it's a boy, but they are wrong," she said so sure of herself.

"Well, we will find that out tomorrow," Emily said with a smile.

"What do you think Dad?"

"Baby, I honestly don't know. I will be happy either way. As long as he or she is healthy," I said.

"Ughhhh, Dad that is such a copout answer," Lenora sighed.

Once again, Emily and I burst out laughing. Sometimes my little genius was too adult for her own good.

"Well, as Emily said, we will see tomorrow won't we," I chuckled.

Lenora nodded and went back to playing her game. I stood by watching and enjoying my time home with my amazing family.

(xxxxx)

Emily and Lenora went to dinner together, so when Morgan called to see if I wanted to hang out, I agreed. We decided to meet at a local pub to have dinner and drinks. He had his hands full with Hank, who was nearing his second birthday, so he was relieved to have a night off of parenting.

I beat him there, so I grabbed a table and ordered wings and a pitcher of beer. He wasn't much past the time he agreed to meet me. Hurrying to the table, he apologized for his tardiness.

"Savannah got held up at the hospital. Thankfully, Ms. Tyler was home and thrilled to get some time with Hank," he said as he plopped down.

Ms. Tyler was Morgan's sweet elderly neighbor. She had become a surrogate mom to him. He was always fixing things at her house and she was always baking goodies for them. She lived alone, so she adored her time spent with the Morgan's.

"We could've rescheduled," I said.

"Hell no! Daddy needs a break! I need to get my drinky drink on!" he insisted.

I chuckled as he laughed too. We settled into an easy conversation and were midway through our second beers when the wings arrived. We both ate hungrily, clearing the plate within 10 minutes. Morgan flagged down the waitress and ordered fries, onion rings, and another pitcher of beer.

Once the waitress had walked off, he folded his hands in front of himself and I saw he had gone serious. I figured it was only a matter of time before he wanted to discuss what happened the night before. I had hoped he would let it pass, but realistically I knew better. We were profilers. It was in our blood to get to the bottom of things, especially when we were worried about one another.

"Reid, I'll admit I have a bit of an ulterior motive to meeting up with you," he began.

I nodded that I had figured this much out.

"I talked with Emily this morning and she told me what happened to you."

My heart stopped as I stared back at him dumbfounded. Surely, he didn't mean what I thought he meant. Emily would never betray his trust like that.

"I'm sorry?" I choked out.

"Look man, I know it's not an easy thing to talk about. Believe me. I spent most of my life pretending it never happened," he said.

I felt my face burning as my heart rate sped up. She had told him. Who else had she told? Was she telling everyone at girl's night? My hand unconsciously squeezed my beer glass so hard it shattered, startling Morgan and others around us.

He jumped up from his seat and tossed some napkins over the spill. He handed me a few, but I didn't take them.

"You're bleeding," he insisted.

I didn't care. I couldn't feel it anyway. Without a word, I grabbed my wallet, tossed down a few bills, and stormed off. I could hear him calling after me. By the time I reached my car, he had caught up.

"Reid, listen –"

"Morgan, don't!" I snapped.

He put his hand on my shoulder and I slapped his hand away angrily. I turned to face him with, what I imagine was, a never before seen expression on my face.

"Leave me alone," I growled making him hold his hands up in surrender.

With that, I climbed into my car and sped off.

(xxxxx)

I drove around for a while, hoping that would calm me down, but it didn't. I was so furious at Emily that I couldn't even bare to look at her. I stopped by CVS to repair the damage to my hand before continuing my drive. I heard my phone making noises in my pocket, but I left them unanswered, eventually silencing my phone.

It was somewhere close to midnight before I found myself walking through the front door. Emily leaped from the couch and rushed toward me.

"Not a word," I snarled at her as I continued toward the bedroom.

"Spence, please, hear me out," she pleaded.

I could tell she had been crying, but I honestly didn't care in that moment. Her pain was nothing compared to mine. I tried to slam the door shut, but she palmed it open and followed me into the bedroom.

"I was trying to help –"

"Help? You think telling someone my deepest, darkest, most horrifying secret is helping me?" I shouted.

"Shh, Lenora's asleep," she said.

"I don't give a fuck!" I yelled uncharacteristically. "I don't care if I wake up the whole damn neighborhood! I am so blindingly angry at you right now …"

"Morgan understands what you are going through. I thought he could help you," she said as tears filled her eyes.

"It was not your place to tell him! You have no right to share something so personal that I trusted you with. Who else did you tell Emily? Huh? Garcia know? J.J.? Lenora?"

"No! Absolutely not! I would never –"

"Never what? Betray me like that? Tell anyone?" I said sarcastically.

"Spencer, I know you are ashamed –"

"I'm beyond ashamed now. I'm tied up to that football field goal post all over again. Only this time, my girlfriend is the one who tied me up for the world to see," I said as I quickly changed into my pajamas.

"Not the world!"

"No, just Morgan. Cause that's ok. It's not like I haven't spent my entire career trying to be viewed as strong and on equal playing ground as my co-workers. No, let's just make me pitiful again! Someone to feel sorry for! Someone who couldn't take care of himself! Someone who stupidly got himself locked up in prison where I was, once again, the fucking punching bag!"

"You are not pitiful and what happened in prison was all set up by Cat –"

"You think this would've happened to Morgan if he were in my shoes? No! He was raped when he was a child. Defenseless and vulnerable. I'm a fucking grown ass man who couldn't protect himself! How am I going to take care of this baby and Lenora when I can't even take care of myself?"

I snatched up my pillow and a pushed past Emily to go into the living room. Annoyingly, she followed me. Not that I expected otherwise.

"Spencer, you were just as defenseless and vulnerable. Just because Morgan was a child, doesn't make it any different from your experience. Duerson was a monster, in more than one way. With his size and strength, Morgan absolutely wouldn't have stood a chance. I don't know why you think that he's invincible? If any of us had been in your place, the outcome would still be the same," she said sternly.

I grabbed the afghan off the back of the couch and laid down, snuggling tightly into it.

"You can turn the lights out," I said, finalizing this conversation being over.

"Spencer, we need to talk about this," she said with a mixture of distress and anger.

"Why? So, you can call Morgan in the morning and tell him about it? No thank you. Now leave me alone, I want to sleep," I said as I turned to face the back of the couch.

I could feel her debating what to do behind me. I could practically here her nibbling at her fingers. I glanced over my shoulder with an icy cold stare.

"Goodnight, Emily," I said through clenched teeth.

She grunted her disapproval, but ultimately, conceded for the night. She flipped off the light switch and went off to bed, alone.

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: thank you as always to everyone who comments! It means a lot to me! xoxo_


	30. Chapter 30

-SPENCER-

I was still furious with Emily when I woke the next morning, but I decided to go to the doctor's appointment despite my feelings. I knew it was an important moment and I didn't want to regret missing it due to our fight. That didn't mean I was in any mood to talk with Emily.

Lenora had somehow avoided our argument last night. How she slept through the yelling I'll never know, but I was grateful for that. She didn't need to be a part of it. She was chatting excitedly from the backseat, while I sat quietly sipping my coffee in the front. I could feel Emily glancing my way every once in a while, but I chose to continue ignoring her.

When we arrived at the doctor's office, they did their routine checkup before shuffling us into a small room with a large screen tv on the wall. Emily climbed onto the table and we all waited in silence for the sonographer to arrive.

There was a gentle tap on the door and a robust woman poked her head in with a smile.

"Ms. Prentiss?" Emily nodded. "Are we ready to find out whether that beautiful young lady is going to have a sister or a brother?"

"Yes!" Lenora said with a wide grin.

Despite the tension, both Emily and I smiled.

The woman grinned as she went to work rolling up Emily's shirt. Her stomach had grown bigger than I had remembered. I watched in wonder as the lady squeezed a clear gel on Emily's belly and began rubbing it in with a gray instrument.

We immediately heard the baby's heartbeat and saw the screen behind us light up with the image of our little one squirming inside Emily's belly. The woman watched the screen and made some adjustments with the tool in her hand. Moving it all over Emily's belly until a smile crossed her face.

"Do you see that?" she asked.

We all looked at the screen and tried to figure out what she was showing us.

"The arm?" Lenora said as she stared with a furrowed brow.

"That's not an arm sweetheart," Emily said choking up.

I turned to look at her and she looked at me with glistening eyes.

"It's a boy," she said to me.

I looked back at the screen in shock. So that's what that was. I had been so angry this morning and now staring at the screen as my son opened and closed his mouth, I found myself happier than I had been in a long time.

"Daddy, why are you crying? Are you sad it's a boy?" Lenora said.

"No, baby. These are happy tears," I said to her as I wrapped my arm around her in a side hug. "I'm very happy."

"Me too. I know I said I wanted a sister, but I didn't really mean that. I really want a brother," she said.

I looked back at Emily who was wiping tears from her eyes. Leaning down, I pressed my lips to her forehead, surprising her. She looked at me expectantly.

"I love you," I said simply.

She smiled as she placed her hand on my cheek. "I love you."

(xxxxx)

We were late getting home that night. We had gone out to celebrate with the team. Not only did we find out that we were having a boy, but J.J. had found out that day she was pregnant again. The party at Rossi's lasted nearly until midnight.

I even made amends with Morgan. I promised when I felt ready I would talk to him and he was ok with that. It did feel good in a way to know I wasn't alone, even though I still struggled with embarrassment.

Lenora had fallen asleep on the way home, so I carried her into the bedroom. By the time I tucked her in and made it to the bedroom, Emily was already in her nightgown climbing into bed.

"What a day," she sighed as I slipped off my shoes and began unbuttoning my shirt.

"Tell me about it," I replied.

"Hey, I really don't want to anger you again, but I have to apologize for what I did. I was out of line and I am so sorry. I thought I was doing something helpful. I realize now how wrong I was and I can assure you I won't make that mistake again," she said.

I could hear the nervousness in her voice. She was afraid of starting another argument. I walked out of the closet in just my pants and sat on the edge of the bed.

"I overreacted a bit. I know in my heart that you were trying to help me and you would never intentionally hurt me. It's a very humiliating situation whether it should be or not and talking about it makes it hurt worse. It makes it real and all you want is to pretend it never happened," I tried to explain.

She scooted closer to me so she could hold my hand.

"I know," she said in a hushed tone.

"As long as you promise never to do something like that again, I can move forward from this," I told her.

"It's a promise."

I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers in a gentle kiss. Before it could turn into anything else, I got up and walked over to my nightstand. She was settling back into her pillow, when I pulled book out of the drawer.

"What's that?" she asked curiously.

"I got something for you," I told her as I walked back over to her side of the bed and handed her the book.

She looked at the cover and a smile crossed her face.

"Oh, Spence, I love it," she said honestly.

"You can keep track of all the important moments in the baby's life. It starts now and goes all the way until he is 1 year old," I said.

Emily was visibly touched by the gift. She opened the book to flip through when something caught her eye. She stopped and looked at the page in question and tears filled her eyes.

"Spencer …"

She looked back down at the book and written in pencil, just in case, under parent's names was Dr. Spencer Reid and Emily Prentiss Reid. A diamond ring taped just below it.

"Emily, after I lost Claire I never thought I would love again and I most certainly never imagined when I did it would be with my best friend. You have been with me through some of the worst moments in my life and still stand strong beside me.

You love Lenora as your own and you have been an amazing mom to her. You have given us so much happiness and now, you are bringing more into our life with my son. I know I don't deserve you, but I promise to love and cherish you until the day I die. I will give you everything that you deserve and more," I said as she cried in front of me.

"Emily, will you marry me?"

Her shoulders shook from crying, but she smiled and nodded her head as she threw her arms around my neck. I wrapped mine around her and held her tightly. She leaned back and pressed her lips to mine repeatedly.

"I love you so much," she said cupping my face in her hands.

"I love you," I replied.

Sitting back slightly, I pulled the ring out of the book and held it out to her. She spread her fingers and allowed me to slip it on.

"It's beautiful, Spence," she said sniffling.

"Lenora helped me pick it out a few weeks ago," I said.

"You knew a few weeks ago?" she said stunned.

"I knew the first day we admitted our love for each other," I said.

"Oh Spencer Reid, you are going to be one tired man tomorrow," she said putting the book on the dresser before scooting forward and ferociously kissing me.

We spent most of the night making love, until both of us were so worn out we fell asleep tangled together.

(xxxxx)

 _One more chapter to go! Thanks to all my readers and supporters and commenters! xoxo_


	31. Chapter 31

-SPENCER-

I hurried into the kitchen carrying the gigantic white box. Emily looked up at me with a frantic expression.

"Sorry! There was an accident on 95," I said as I placed the box down.

"It's ok. Can you go grab the birthday boy? He just woke from his nap. His clothes are laying on his changing table," she said as she unwrapped trays of fruits and vegetables.

I nodded and hurried upstairs. On the way up, I ran into Lenora. As usual, her cell phone was pressed to her ear. Hard to believe my daughter was 13 now and back in school as a Sophomore. She was starting to mature and much to my dismay, talk to boys.

"Hey Dad, Carla is coming over for the party. Mom said it was ok. Can she spend the night too?"

"I don't care, if your Mom says it's ok," I told her as I walked past her.

After Emily and I married, Lenora gifted her with the request to officially call her Mom. I've never seen Emily cry harder in all the year's I've known her. It was a touching and beautiful moment.

I opened up the bedroom door and a little messy brunette popped up with a big grin.

"Daddy! I'm three balloons!"

"I know little man. You ready to get dressed for your party?"

"Yea," he said as he wiggled out from under the covers, slid off the bed, and ran to me. He plowed into my body and I pretended to fall over. He fell with me, giggling.

"You are getting so strong," I said dramatically.

"I'm a big boy now. I has muscles," he said flexing.

"I can see that. Well, come on Hercules, let's get dressed before Mommy comes looking for us," I said as I grabbed his clothes.

After getting him dressed and trying to fix his unruly hair – he may have Emily's facial features, but that hair was all mine – we went downstairs. Upon entering the kitchen, he ran over to Emily and grabbed her leg.

"Boo!"

Emily feigned being scared.

"Well, look at this handsome little birthday boy," she said as she bent down to try and fix his hair.

He did look precious. Emily bought him khakis, dockers, and a baby blue button-down shirt. He looked like a little business man. The doorbell rang and the first of the guests started to arrive.

(xxxxx)

I carried the heavy cake outside to the picnic table where all of our friends and family waited. Henry, Lenora, Carla, and Jack stood off to the side talking "teenager" talk, while Hank, who was 6, was having a mini dance off with Morgan. Michael, just shy of my son's age, was throwing a tantrum because he wanted to open the presents that were behind him in a pile.

Emily scurried over and lit the candles on the cake. She lifted her hand and signaled for the song to begin. Everyone joined in.

"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Gideon. Happy birthday to you."

"Blow out the candles," I encouraged.

Leaning forward with puffed up cheeks he blew his three candles out, probably spitting a bit on the cake, but nobody cared. We all clapped as he happily clapped for himself as well.

I stood back watching Emily cut pieces of cake, while Lenora helped pass it out. Everyone was laughing and having a great time. For a moment the world stopped and I could feel an incredible amount of peace run through me. My life was perfect. Everything I had been through led to this moment and I couldn't be happier. I wouldn't change a thing. I was lonely nevermore.

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: thanks everyone for reading! I really struggled with a name – I thought of Tobias and Nathan – Spencer wanting to honor them with the chance at a new happy life, but it didn't seem to fit. I considered Spencer Jr, but didn't like it. I kept going back to Gideon. He would want to honor the man he saw as a father. I felt that it was the right name. Hope you agree! New story coming your way soon! xoxo_


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